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Bitterness Jokes

124 bitterness jokes and hilarious bitterness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bitterness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Bitterness Jokes

Short bitterness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bitterness humour may include short jokes also.

  1. There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female… If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
    If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
  2. My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter... I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids...
  3. A Bitter Army Veteran storms into a classroom and shouts "If it weren't for me you'd all be speaking German!" "That's right" replies the German teacher.
  4. I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
  5. A young man in a chemist's shop asks May I have 3 condoms please, Miss?" Don't 'Miss' me, young man. The bitter older woman scornfully responds.
    Oh sorry, he replied Make that 4 then, please.
  6. The man who invented spreadable margarine got scammed out of every penny he made out of it. I can't believe he's not bitter.
  7. My taste in women is much like my taste in wine Right now i like them younger, sweeter, and prettier. As i age, i start to like them older, more bitter, and contributing to my alcoholism.
  8. What kind of tea is easiest to make? A simplici-tea.
    What kind of tea is most calming?
    A sereni-tea.
    And what kind od tea is most bitter?
    A reali-tea.
  9. What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer? One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.
  10. A married man is from Mars. A married woman is from Venus. He may have had life a long time ago. She is bitter and smells like farts.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bitterness can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bitterness puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Bitterness One Liners

Which bitterness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bitterness? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What's the most bitter tea in existence? Reality
    *cries in the corner*
  2. You know why cannibals don't eat divorced women? They're bitter.
    — Garrison Keillor
  3. I like my women how I like my coffee Bitter
  4. I like my women like I like my beer... ...pale and bitter.
  5. Where does coffee go when it dies? A bitter place.
  6. I like my coffee like I like my women Not bitter and goes down easily.
  7. What do you call a bitter German? Sauerkraut
  8. Why was the crow bitter about his job? They fired him with no caws.
  9. I like my women how I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.
  10. Life is like a cup of coffe. Dark and bitter.
  11. I hate suppositories Too bitter.
  12. I like my women like I like my beer Tall, red, cold, and bitter.
  13. My coffee this morning is like my ex Hot and bitter
  14. I've never liked the flavor of cranberries.. the bitter taste *lingers* too much.
  15. A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough... His life is pain.

Bitterness Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about bitterness you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bitterness prank.

Overheard in a restaurant:
She: "

This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste."
He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"

I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter

That's how the sink works

I like my women like i like my coffee...

...Always there to brighten my morning
...Decaffeinated
...Black and strong
...Tall
...Grande
...Brazilian
...With sauce
...Twice before I leave the house
...Right before I smoke
...Bitter and cold
...At the end of the day, scraped off the bottom of a p**...
...Slow roasted
...Ground up in my freezer
...With boiling water poured over them
...Light and sweet
...A day old

Offering from the noticeboard of the Linga Longa pub, Gundy, new South Wales

Prayer for Beer:
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
At home as it is in the pub
Give us this day out foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer
The bitter, the lager
Barmen.

I like my coffee how I like my women

Ground up, in a bag, and in the fridge. ahh, the nice bitter taste of it...

Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry

I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...

...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.

Bad weather

There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked
One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn't golf that day and went back home.
His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife and said "Terrible weather out there."
She replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my s**... husband went golfing."

A nose walks into a bar

And says "a pint of bitter please landlord"
The landlord says, "I'm sorry but I'm not serving you ... You're already off your face.

today i learned that watching fantasia s**... is a terrible idea

im so high that i just watched the rise and fall of the dinosaurs and cried bitter tears during the cretaceous extinction which i didn't even know had a name until i decided to learn everything about dinosaurs THANKS WALT DISNEY

Life is like choclate

Bitter if you're dark

I like my beer the way I like my men

stout and bitter

'Hardys, Bitter, Fosters, Strongbow'

Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar

I like my woman like my espresso;

Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

Repentance..

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing, "you are the reason I fight with my wife".
He smashed the second bottle, "you are the reason I don't love my children".
He smashed the third bottle, "you are the reason I don't have a decent job".
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and said "you stand aside, I know you were not involved".

They just invented a new cologne for feminists..

But it's hard to open and extremely bitter..

A friend from New Zealand asked me to put a wedge of lime in his cocktail.

He took a sip and said "Thank you, I couldn't have made it bitter myself!"

I like my tea like I like my women....

Plain, dark and bitter!

A Bitter Cold Day

Q: What does a bull do on a bitter cold winter day? ...
A: He goes into the barn and slips inside a warm Jersey

My brother and I both like our women like our coffee...

He likes them hot and black. I like them cold and bitter.

At first, I never understood why my parents had a bitter relationship

Until I realized my birthday was 9 months after my dad's...

I caught my wife in bed with another man, my friend asked me, "you bitter?"

I said yeah, "I bit him too."

Irish Joke

p**... walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
p**... replies with delight "Oh tats good news, they told me to bring a sample here and get tested fir me sugar levels".

I get my women how I get my coffee

Bitter, overpriced, and disappointing.

The worlds best chat-up line: "I like my women how I like my coffee...

Either cheap and bitter or ground up and in the freezer."

My grandpa says he hates gay men

I think he's just bitter about his last boyfriend

What do you call a rapper who's feeling bitter?

NaClmore

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum.

"I'm sick of you coming home from the pub drunk out of your mind," she yelled.
"Oh yeah?" I said, burping.
"It's either me or the pub," she said.
I thought well, the pub has better company, but my house has bitter on tap...

A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:
'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'
'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'
The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday.'
'Ah!' Says the barman. 'But today is Tuesday!'
'Oh no,' says the bloke. 'I must look like a right t**....'

I told my parents that I recently got engaged to Prednisone.

Needless to say, it was a bitter pill to s**....

How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

I'm no longer bitter about the end of my four year old relationship.

I hope she enjoys kindergarten.

I like my women how I like my coffee:

Diluted and festooned with so much sweet, pretty b**... I feel like a fraud for liking them at all, yet possessed of an underlying bitterness and complexity that I secretly fear I will never truly understand or appreciate.

Why was the house sold to Denatonium?

He was the highest bitter.

I split the sugar today

It was a bitter sweet accident.

I saw a German person acting bitter at the supermarket today.

Guess that makes him a sauerkraut.

Teacher asks the class, "What part of your body can grow as much as six times its normal size?"

No one answers, so she asks Tiffany in the front row if she knows the answer. Tiffany blushes, giggles, and covers her face with her hands.
Heather in the desk behind raises her hand and says, "The pupil, miss. The pupil may grow as much as six times its normal size."
"Correct" says the teacher. "And, Tiffany, I have three comments for you. 1. You have a dirty, filthy mind. 2. You haven't been doing your homework, and 3. You are in for a lifetime of bitter disappointment."

Having a Party?

My wife came in from shopping with two 18-pack cases of lager, a case of bitters, six bottles of wine, four handles of v**..., two bottles of Bourbon, a case of club soda, ice and two loaves of bread. …
I said, Are we having a party? …
She said, No.
I said, Why did you buy two freakin' loaves of bread then?"

Did you know oranges have genders?

If one squirts in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for absolutely no reason, it's female.

Last night, ...

Last night, I was in a bar drinking my bitter and minding my own business.
This unsightly w**... walked up to me and offered to leave her number.
I asked "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes."
I replied, "Well, you better get back to it before the farmer notices you are missing."

My life

(Weeps bitterly)

What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?

One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.

Why do fish in the north become bitter in the winter time?

Runoff from the roadways made them salty

What is the definition of bitter sweet?

Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.

A limerick writ for a Twit

An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
*"Please stop!"* they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
*"If I do they might call me a quitter"*

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

How to tell if your orange is male or female

If it squirts in your eye without warning- male
If it's bitter for no obvious reason- female

The bus driver shouts to the conductor

Two women are in a bus fighting bitterly over the last available seat.
The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, "Let the ugly one take the seat"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey

A Gorilla walks into a pub

And asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman pulls him a pint, and says, "That'll be £6.50 please".
The gorilla takes a sip of his pint, and the barman says to him "You know, we don't get that many gorillas in here..."
The gorilla gulps down his beer, and informs the batman, "Well I'm not surprised at those prices..."

If genres were flavors SCI-FI would be sour, Fantasy would be sweet, Horror would be bitter, Mystery would be umami...

And Erotica would be salty.

Foot Fetishists are losers

They enjoy the bitter taste of **defeat**

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

Why are the basic lessons of life bitter?

Bases are bitter. 😂

I like my women how I like my coffee

Cold, bitter, a drain on my income, and able to be smelled from across the office.
Oh and with several d**... inside them.

I like my jokes like I like my coffee

Bitter and straining every last drop from some ground up stuff of ancient origin.

A friend of mine has become bitter and angry since he had the ends of his feet amputated.

He's lack-toes intolerant.

women come in the same basic taste sensations or flavors as foods-

sweet, salty, sour, hot, bitter, and nuts.

What happened to the woman who beat another woman at baseball (who happened to have rabies)?

A bitter, badder batter bit her.

I hope you guys like lager!

the only bitter we've got around here lives in the White House

What is bitter than a cup of espresso ?

A cup of Depresso

My friend died yesterday, we couldn't find his blood type in time for the transfusion.

Even to the bitter end, he said Be positive.

I called my children Lager and Guinness

My wife's bitter

Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...

The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, Just let the ugly one have it!
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.

I told my wife I wanted her to wear an old- fashioned Halloween costume this year

She filled herself up with whiskey, bitters, and sugar, and topped herself off with an orange slice and cherry.
I ended up going as the "stiff" part of our couples' costume.

Achilles had an affinity for large breed dogs

Mostly because he couldn't stand ankle bitters.

Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?

Because they're bitter.

This comes from my 5 yr old neighbor's ankle bitter: What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener. Get it? A can't open her. LoL!

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bitterness jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.