Bitten Jokes
66 bitten jokes and hilarious bitten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bitten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bitten Short Jokes
Short bitten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bitten humour may include short begged jokes also.
- What's the best Chuck Norris joke you've ever heard? My personal favorite is: chuck norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died
- doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right doctor: you no longer have legs...
me: just like a shark. - Me: I got bitten in the park by a huge dog Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice - My wife Not many of you know that my wife was bitten by a rattlesnake over the summer, while we were camping. After two days of horrible, writhing agony, the snake died.
- Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra And after 5 agonizing days of pain.
The cobra died - What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a venomous spider? You're probably Australian
- My house was bitten by a werewolf. Now, in the light of the full moon, it becomes a werehouse. Not evil or anything, just more storage space.
- The other day, I got bitten by a radioactive lawyer... ...I now have the power of attorney.
- When I get bitten by insects, one part of my brain is like be smart, leave it alone . The other part is like… Scratch that
- Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake After several day of agonising pain, the snake finally died.
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Bitten One Liners
Which bitten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bitten? I can suggest the ones about begs and plea.
- What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora? M'laria
- What did the surfer say after his legs were bitten off by a shark? what a waist..
- What's the worst thing about being bitten by a venomous spider? You might be Australian.
- Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala.
- I was bitten by a nonbinary vampire last night... They came from Trans-Sylvania.
- I was bitten by a Hasidic Jew. The doctor in the E/R gave me Rabbi shots.
- What does an old person turn into when bitten by Dracula? A Grampire.
- My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday She's fine. But, the dog died
- What did Hagrid say to Harry after he was bitten by Lupin? Yer a hairy wizard
- I got bitten by a werewolf and I'm turning into one myself. I think I'm lycan it so far.
- Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark? Professional courtesy.
- What do you call a dog bitten by a vampire? A bloodhound.
- What happened to the man that got bitten by a snowman? He got frostbite.
- Yesterday I was bitten by an autistic kid and it gave me a vaccine.
- I'm not a cat person because I wasn't bitten by a radioactive cat.
- Ed Byrne
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Bitten Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about bitten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prayed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bitten pranks.
I was bitten by a mosquito today.
It s**....
What do you call it when an underwater explorer gets bitten by a bloodsucking parasite?
Diverticulitis.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra...
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra... After three days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
The worst part about being bitten by a venomous spider...
The worst part about being bitten by a venomous spider...
...Is that you're probably Australian
One day Joaquin Phoenix will be bitten by a zombie...
...and he will be called the Joaquin Dead
What do you call it when you turn into a vampire before being bitten?
p**... Edraculation
I saw on the news Boy George's bearded dragon has attacked and bitten his housekeeper 6 times in the last month
I reckon he needs a calmer chameleon.
Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
The Doc
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train...
I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.
Peter Parker is bitten by radioactive skin care products and becomes...
...THE AMAZING SPIDERMATOLOGIST!
Snake bite
Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"
The best way to avoid getting bitten by a black widow...
...is not wearing a red tie to her Crip husband's f**....
Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...
My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.
Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.
His friend, desperate, calls 911.
"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"
"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and s**... the poison out. Can you do that?"
"Gotcha."
The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"
"They said you'll die, dude."
A friend of mine messaged me to say that he's been bitten by a snake on holiday in India.
How on earth does a snake manage to organise a holiday in India?
Hospitals charge you quite a lot if you've been bitten by a shark
Usually ends up costing an arm AND a leg.
Has anyone ever told you he was bitten by a bumble-bee? No?
It only shows how dangerous that is.
My friend playing golf gets bit by a snake on his genitalia
I ran up to the clubhouse;
"My buddy got bitten by a venomous snake, how do I save him"
"You gotta s**... out the venom, and quickly"
So I ran back to my friend,
"What'd he say? What'd he say?"
"You're gonna die..."
What do you call it when you are bitten by a rattlesnake, and your uncle is the sheriff, and his sidekick hand delivers you the antidote?
Serumdeputy
Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane
**Her:** My God — imagine if it had been a small child
**Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb
My friend was bitten by a Great White at the beach.
Well, he used the term "Superior a**...," but either way he was one crazy a**... skinhead.
I was bitten by a Great White at a Florida beach.
I mean, he used the phrase "a**... Superior," but either way that was one coked-out skinhead.
John gets bitten by a wasp.
And that too on his pee pee.
He and his wife go to the doctor immediately. Doctor takes one look at it and asks the nurse to give him some medication to help him.
The wife quietly signals the doctor to come outside the room and says - can you please only give something for the pain, and leave the swelling alone?
Dog attack
A guy limps up to a bar. "What happened to you?" the bartender asks. "On the walk over here I was attacked and bitten on the leg by this giant dog," the guy says. "Oh, no! Imagine if it had been a small child!" the bartender exclaims. "Well, I think I could have fought off a small child, Gary," the guy replies.
Two men are walking down the street when a dog that's foaming at the mouth viciously bites one of them, then runs off...
"Oh my god!" cries the other man. "That dog must have rabies!"
"Rabies?" says the bitten man. Looking frightened and shaky, he takes a notepad and a pen out of his pocket and starts to scribble something down.
"Wait!" says his friend, "We can get you tested and vaccinated for rabies if we go to the hospital right now. You don't have to start writing your will."
"It's not a will, " the bitten man says with an evil grin. "It's a list of people I hate that I want to bite!"
