The Best 48 Biting Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Biting jokes. There are some biting sharp jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these biting lick puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Biting Jokes and Puns

Gladiator's Monday

A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the arena.
His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed and defeated.

I finally stopped my roomate from biting his nails.

All i had to do was make him wear shoes.

How do you stop Allahs dog from biting?

You muzzle him.

Biting joke, How do you stop Allahs dog from biting?

My girlfriend started biting her lip to look sexy...

How do I tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip?

What is the name of an annoying creature that is notorious for biting humans in the tropics?

Luiz Suarez.

A little boy is always biting his nails...

A little boy is always biting his nails. In the end his mom gets angry and says, "If you continue to bite your nails you'll get bigger and bigger and bigger until you blow up like a balloon!" A few days later the little boy is on the bus when a very pregnant woman sits opposite him. After a few minutes the lady realizes that the little boy is staring at her. "Do you know me?" she asks. "No," says the boy. "But I know what you've been doing."

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? Finding half a worm in it. And what's worse than that?

The holocaust

Biting joke, What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? Finding half a worm in it. And what

At 31 years old, I decided to grow up, kick a bad habit and stopped biting my nails.

The nosebleeds are getting annoying, though.

Russell Crowe was arrested for biting a woman's face off.

When asked about it, he said he was "Glad he ate her".

So a father and son are sitting outside an icecream shop.

And three women walk out, one licking, one sucking and one biting the icecream cone. The father asks the son, "which one of those girls is married?" The son replies "obviously the one sucking the cone"
"No son, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."

Sorry for grammar. I smart

Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"

Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.

Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly licking the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

You can explore biting mosquitoes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean biting fingernails dad jokes. There are also biting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Don't read this if you don't like sensitive topics

Biting into an ice cream

The best way I found to stop biting my nails was..

To stop buying toilet paper.

"I've been a naughty, naughty girl" she said to me, biting her lower lip, "and I need to be punished"

So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?

He didn't have a leg to stand on

A couple of ten years is in bed

They haven't had sex in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.

"Found the remote!"

Biting joke, A couple of ten years is in bed

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

LPT: To prevent a snake from biting, grasp their tail firmly and shake vigorously

Since snakes don't have hands, the snake will think that you are a businessman and that he is a business snake, and you are about to make a handshake deal.

Made the mistake of biting into some half frozen food

Realized that wasn't well thawed out.

It's weird it hurts when you accidentally bite on your tongue but when you do it on purpose it doesn't hurt

It's also weird your biting on your tongue now

johnny in the math class

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A cyclops was doing a crossword puzzle and asked his wife, "Hun, how do you spell Hawaii?"

Biting her lip, she replied, "I think you need 2 'i's."

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

My wife tried to be sexy by biting her lips at me...

...I didn't have the heart to tell her that you're supposed to bite your *bottom* lips

What's worse than biting the inside of your cheek?

The next five times you do it right after that.

My wife keeps trying to be sexy by biting her lip

I don't have the heart to tell her it's the bottom one

After 40 years my grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails.

She's hidden his teeth.

Maybe everyone would stop dying if they'd stop biting the dust.

Seriously, that can't be good for one's health.

A blonde went to an Alaskan sledding race.

She stood near a brunette as the race began. "There is absolutely *nothing* sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she said, biting her lip.

"Iditarod," the brunette corrected her.

The blonde woman scoffed. "So? I've used a cucumber, but this is still hotter."

My girlfriend tried to look sexy by biting her lip

She doesn't realize that she's supposed to bite her lower lip.

I find it hard to stop biting my fingernails

Because I always have them on hand.

My dog has to wear this cone till he heals from surgery. It helps with the biting, but the barking?

He sounds like a sub-whoofer.

I caught my son biting the electrical cord

I was shocked and grounded him. He resisted but I told him to stay positive. It's been a week, he's currently doing better and conducting himself properly.

A teacher asks little Johnny a question...

-If there are five birds in a powerline and someone shoots one, how many birds are left?

-None because they will get scared away from the gunshot"

-Four but I like the way you think

-I have a question for you then. There's three women eating ice cream, one's sucking, one's licking and one's biting. Which one is married?

-The one licking.

-No, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.

Joke of the day

Teacher: "Billy if  there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?"

Billy: "none the others flew away"

Teacher: "the awanser is 4 but I like the way you think"

Billy: "i have a question for you miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream.  1 licking, 1 biting and 1 sucking. Which one is married?"

Teacher nervously awansers: the one sucking

Billy: the awanser is the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?


I had to stop taking my dog to the park, because the ducks kept biting him.

Should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.

What's worse than.... (SFW)

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm in it!

I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.

I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread...

I've always had a problem with eating my fingernails.

I get anxious and chew them off and eat them and they look terrible. One day my sister noticed and told me to go to the drug store for some press-on nails. She said they looked good and would keep me from biting my nails. So I went and bought some and she was right. They looked so good I ate them right out of the box.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says, "Meow!" The captain says, "Leave it be! I don't want some cat out here scratching our faces". A cop kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, "Potatoes!"

Hear about the vampire who had trouble biting people properly?

He had dysnecksia.

I was rushed to hospital.

A Mad dog just started biting me and ripped off most of my ear.

Doctors have told me, I have an ear and a half to live.

What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.

What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Slowly dying of late stage syphilis.

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

How to attract women:

My friend keeps complaining that he can't attract women. I told him "Why don't you try a sexy lowering your eyelids and biting your lip?"

My friend takes the advice and runs off. He comes back complaining "I TRIED YOUR SUGGESTION AND THE GIRLS KEPT RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING!"

"Hmmm... can you show me what you were doing?"

Friend bites his lip and squints his eyes.

"AH! I see the time try biting your LOWER lip..."

A man and his new guard dog

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts licking its butt. "This is my new attack dog," the guy tells the bartender. "He's very dangerous." The bartender looks at the dog that is still flopped down, panting, licking. "He doesn't look too scary from here, he's more interested in his butt." "Oh, don't mind that," the guy replies. "He just got done biting my lawyer. He's still trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the biting popsicle jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working biting snarky piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes