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Biting Flies Jokes

31 biting flies jokes and hilarious biting flies puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about biting flies that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Biting Flies Short Jokes

Short biting flies jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The biting flies humour may include short biting jokes also.

  1. Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus They say its bark is worse than its bite.

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Biting Flies One Liners

Which biting flies one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with biting flies? I can suggest the ones about mosquito bites and mosquito bite.

  1. What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
    A tiger moth.

Giggle-Inducing Biting Flies Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about biting flies you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fly swatter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make biting flies pranks.

little Johnny

Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.

Finger l**... Good

Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

A boy with swollen cheek.

Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.

What's grosser than g**...?
Ten babies in one mail box.
What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.
What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.
What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.
What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has c**... only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.

Little Johnny's teach asked him

If there were three birds on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left? To which Johnny replies none, after I shot the first one, the other two would fly away . Not exactly the answer she was looking for she gave Johnny credit for the thoughtful answer.
After a second Johnny asks the teacher
If three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream, one is biting it, one is l**... it and one is s**... it, which one is married? The teacher replies I'm not sure, the one s**... it?
Johnny smiles and says the one with the wedding ring, but I will give you credit for the thoughtful answer

A teacher asks her students...

..."there are 7 birds in a tree, if you shoot 3 down, how many would remain?" A smartass jumps up and says "None, all of them would fly away!". Teacher with a bit of belittling tone: "Incorrect, but I liked your style".
Then the student strikes "Ma'am, I'd like to ask a question too. You see three women walking by, eating ice cream. One is eating it by l**... it, the other one is by s**... it and the last one by biting it. Which of these women is married?" The teacher thinks about it for a sec and answers "The one s**... it". The student then says: "No ma'am, it's the one with a wedding ring. But I liked your style too".

Little Peter was on his classroom

his the teacher asks, if I have five birds on a branch and I throw a stone to one of them, how many I have left ...
None teacher ... ..
Why not Peter? ....
no teacher because the others fly away from the fright ....
That's wrong Peter but I like your way of thinking ......
The next day Peter goes to his teacher and ask her, now I am going to ask a question, if you see two women eating an ice cream and one of them is s**... and the other is biting, which one who is married ???? ....
After a little thought the teacher says a little confused, I guess the one who is s**... ...
No teacher, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think ...

A teacher is working on word problems with her students

A teacher is working on word problems with her students and asks, "if there are 3 birds on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?" A boy raises his hand and says, "zero. Because if you shoot one the other two fly away" The teacher responds, "no, there's two left but that's creative and I like the way you think." After that the boy says "ok, three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is biting it, one is l**... it, and one is s**... it. Which woman is married?" The teacher says, "well I guess the one s**... it." The boy replies, "no, it's the one wearing a wedding ring but I like the way you think."

Little Johnny is goofing off in math class and Ms. McHeiney calls on him.

"Johnny, three birds are sitting on a fence, you shoot one of them how many are left." Johnny sits up straight and says "none, the bang would make the others fly away." Ms. McHeiney says, "well, the answer is two, but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says "OK, I have one for you, three women are eating ice cream cones, one is biting it, one is l**... it, one is s**... on it, which one is married?" Stumped Ms. McHeiney says "uhhhh, the one s**... on it?" Johnny puffs out his chest and says "well, the answer is the one with the wedding band, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny and the math teacher

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny then says, "I have a question for you Sir. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Jhonny and the teacher

Little Jhonny is in class doing a math problem when the teacher asks him :
-If there were 5 birds on that tree there and you shoot one, how many there would be left?
Little Jhonny thinks for a second and says "0!, because one would die and the others would fly away"
The teachers then replies "Thats not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think!"
Then little jhonny says to the teacher "Now i've got a question for you. There's 3 women on a bench having an ice cream. One is l**... it, another is s**... it and the third one is biting it. Which one is married?"
The teacher stops for a second and says "Well, I'm not sure but I think the one s**... it" and little Jhonny replies "Thats wrong, It would be the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you think"

"If there are 10 birds on a telephone wire and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Little Johnny excitedly raises his hand and the teacher picks on him.
"There would be none left because if you shoot one then the rest fly away!"
Ms. Teacher responds, "No Johnny, the correct answer is nine birds left, *but I like the way you think!*"
Little Johnny retorts with, "Can I ask you a question Teacher?"
"Well of course you can."
"Okay. There are three women sitting on a park bench each with a lollypop; One is s**..., one is l**..., and the other woman is biting. Which woman is married?"
"Oh my," Teacher says, blushing, "I suppose the one who is s**...."
Little Johnny says, "Nope, the one with the wedding band on her finger, *but I like they way you think!*"

So Jimmy, say I have 5 birds sitting on a porch...

Teacher says to Jimmy:
"So Jimmy, say I have 5 birds sitting on a porch and I knock one down with a stone, how many birds will be left on the porch?"
"None, Ms. Anderson. Once I knock the first one, all the others will be flying away"
"No Jimmy, the correct answer was 4, but I do like the way you think"
After a while Jimmy Raises his hand.
"Yes Jimmy?"
"Miss Anderson, say you are looking at three women eating an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it and one is s**... it. How do you tell which one's the married one?"
"Well, the one s**... it I suppose"
"No Miss Anderson, It's the one that's wearing a ring, but I do like the way you think!"

Great Minds...

A teacher says to her classroom: "There are 3 birds sitting on a fence. You shoot one of the birds...how many birds are left?"
Kid raises his hand and says "None...if you shoot one of the birds, the noise will scare the other two and they'll fly away" The teacher says, "Well that's not the answer we're looking for but I like the way you think!". The kid replies: "Hey Teach, I've got one for you: Three women are sitting on a park bench, all eating Popsicles. The 1st one is l**... hers, the 2nd one is s**... hers, and the 3rd one is biting hers...Which one is married?"
The teacher replies "I don't know: The one that's s**... hers?", and the kid replies "No: The one with the wedding band, but I like the way you think too!"

I like the way you think.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

I like the way you think.

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully; four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot. The others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the right answer. But I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask you a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream shop. One is l**..., one is biting, and one is s**... her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one s**... the cone."
Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

Smart-a**... Johnny

teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately l**... the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and s**... the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and s**... the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."

A teacher asks her class...

A teacher asks her class "if there are 5 birds sitting on a wall and you shoot one of them how many are left?" She calls on little johnny "none they all fly away at the first gunshot" the teacher replies "the correct answer is 4 but I like your thinking" then little johnny replies "now I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is delicately liking the sides of a triple scoop ice cream, the second is gobbling down the top and s**... the cone and the third is biting of the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher blushes and replies "well I guess the one that is gobbling down top and s**... the cone" "the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking"

Ice cream

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately l**...
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down the top and s**... the cone. The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and s**... the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
your thinking."

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of the math class...

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is l**... it, and one is s**... on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's s**... on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

A teacher asks her class...

"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with
the first gun shot" The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately l**... the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and s**... the cone.The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and s**... the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,... but I like your thinking."

The ice cream cone

Little Johnny was having trouble with math, so his teacher decided to give him some personal attention. The teacher asked, "if there were five birds on a fence, and you knocked one off with a stone, how many birds are there left?
"well," little Johnny answered; "there would be none left because the rest would fly away."
The teacher replied, "actually, the answer is four, but I like the way you're thinking!"
"Okay," little Johnny replied. " I have a question for you now."
This could be interesting, the teacher thought. She said, "well let's hear it then"
"there are three ladies sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is biting her cone, one is l**... her cone, and one is s**... her cone. Which one is married?"
The teacher is thoroughly puzzled by this. After a couple minutes' worth of thought, she answers, " well I suppose that it would be the one s**... her cone."
"Actually, it's the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Naughty Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
l**... her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one s**... her
cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking".
The Teacher Fainted...

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic.
The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!”
The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?”
The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.”
The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”
The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, another is biting it and the third one is s**... it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one s**... her cone.”
To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."