bitcoin Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious bitcoin puns

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin?

Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

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A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar...

Oh, they already told you about it too?

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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday

Dad: What? $6,244??? $5,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $3,782 for anyway?

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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.

Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $6,782 for anyway?

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A vegan, a med student, and a bitcoin trader walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?

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I lost 164 pounds in the last 6 months with this one simple trick!

All I did was buy bitcoin

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A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.27? What do you need $7.56 for?

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An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar...

But they were all silent compared to the person who invested in bitcoin

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A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?

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what do you call Johnny Cash's millennial grandson

Johnny Bitcoin

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A boy asked his bitcoin investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin?

Because he can't go near crypto@night

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Me: I can't believe it increased by 1500%.

Professor: I'm sick of hearing about BITCOIN! Nothing can increase by that much and still be a good investment.

Me: I was talking about the price of college tuition since 1980...

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If someone is vegan, atheist, and a CrossFitter, what do they tell you about first?

They tell you about Bitcoin

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A vegan, a bitcoin investor and someone who didn't vote in 2016 all walk into a bar.

Who tells you about it first?

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It is amazing that a Bitcoin is worth $8600

Imagine how much a full coin would cost!

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If I had a bitcoin for every gender...

I would be imagining getting a lot of pretend money for a lot of people pretending.

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Why couldn't the blood invest in Bitcoin?

It's a Cryptocurrency. Now give me karma my wife left me, I lost custody of my kids and I just lost my job. I'm about one more thing from snapping, for the love of fucking god upvote this damn post.

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What do you call someone with no bitcoin?

a bit poor.

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My dentist doesn't like the fact that I've been chewing on quarters.

It's the closest I'll ever get to having a Bitcoin.

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If I had a penny for every crashing crypto,

I would have a bitcoin.

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Future rap name: 50 Bitcoin

That's all, the punchline was in the title; however, this sentence is here to comfort you and let you know that it's totally normal that you clicked to see if there was anything else.

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What Bitcoin and sex have in common?

You have to pull out at the right time.

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caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

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Do you think I should get on bitcoin now ? It's at 0.5$.

Sent via Internet Explorer.

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How do you spell bubble?

B.I.T.C.O.I.N.

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Why was the bitcoiner sent to jail?

He touched a miner

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Why did the bitcoiner get sent to jail?

He touched a miner.

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Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
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Croatia

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A boy asked his bitcoin trading father

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.45? What do you need $10.11 for?

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Hey girl are you Bitcoin?

Because you look like you're about to crash and I'll get screwed

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How many Bitcoins for that BMW?

Joe: How many Bitcoins for that BMW?

Bob: 2 BTC.

Joe: That much? That is kinda expensive.

Bob: Well its a big company.

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Interviewer: How did you become a Bitcoin millionare

Bitcoin Millionare: ...bit by bit...

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My New Year Resolution for 2018 is...

Buying bitcoin in 2011!

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A Bitcoin trader walks into a bar

He walks up to the bar, orders a whiskey, pays the bartender one bitcoin and says, "By this time tomorrow it might be worth a million bucks!"

The bartender pours him a glass of water and says, "By this time tomorrow it might be Scotch."

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Nerds buy Bitcoin currency because it reminds them of their girlfriend

Completely virtual.

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With all the money I made with Bitcoin I know exactly what I'm going to spend it on...

...my internet bill.

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Russian Investments

Two Russians meet up:

- Have you heard, Bitcoin went up in value?

- Ya. But I only invest in one thing - VODKA

- Why Vodka?

- Where else do you get a 40% return??

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If I had invested $1000 into Bitcoin today I would have...

No idea how it worked

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When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

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New coin is coming out that is worth 8 times more than bitcoin!

It's name is bytecoin!

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I asked the prostitute will she accept bitcoin ?

"No, it goes up and down more than you do"

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I bought a Bitcoin!

And its gone!

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I treat my men like I treat my bitcoin

Pump and Dump

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What do you call a Bitcoin that lost weight?

a lite coin

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Tom Brady said he refuses to invest in bitcoin.

Turns out he's afraid of inflation.

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I treat my girlfriend just like my bitcoin

I never pull out.

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A boy asks his father, the Bit-coin investor,

...for some Bitcoin currency again, this time in the amount of $25.00.

Dad: $23.67? What do you need $20.32 for?

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Why does Superman hate trading Bitcoin after 7pm?

Because it's Crypto-night

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My son asked me for $11 in Bitcoin

I asked him what he needed $17.15 for

He said he just thought $9.54 would be cool to have

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What's the best way to become a bitcoin millionaire?

Start by being a bitcoin billionaire.

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Bitcoin is gold.

A comedy gold.

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Bitcoin is like dating

I spend so much time trying to figure it out and have to use some POS system just to get some

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Why do hipsters have so much money?

Because they bought bitcoin before it was popular

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A Star Wars fan, a bitcoin investor and an anti-Trumper walk into a bar...

Which one tells you about it first?

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"Dad, can you get me 1 bitcoin for Christmas?"

Father: $16,548?! Why on earth would you need $15,749?

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i bought a waistcoat with bitcoin

It was a pretty good investment

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Hey gurl, your ass must be made of bitcoin.

Because of its high volatility. You should change your diet.

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What did the bitcoin investor say to the man who wanted some bitcoin?

MINE!

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Why does Superman hate trading bitcoin after 7:00p.m?

Because it's crypto-nite

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What does the Bitcoin and love have in common?

I always lose.

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I use bitcoin.

That's my joke.

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I asked a hooker if she accepted Bitcoin.

She told me no because it goes up and down more than she does.

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What do u call an early bitcoin adopter?

A bitster.


Haha why havent i seen this joke yet.

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So...you want to borrow some Bitcoin, eh?

Son: Dad can I borrow 10 dollars in Bitcoin?

Dad: What do you want 6 dollars in Bitcoin for? 12 dollars of Bitcoin is a lot of money.

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Bitcoin

A.K.A. flockchain

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Why did the bitcoiner go to jail?

He touched a miner.

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Whats a Bitcoin?

It's a joke if you don't know by now...

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Me: I can't believe it has risen by 1500%. Professor: OMG I'M SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT BITCOIN

Me: I was talking about college tuition since 1980...

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I hope I get $100 of bitcoin as a Christmas present

I mean $120.23

EDIT $97.56

EDIT 2 $103.55

EDIT 3 $111.47

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How do you know if someone trades Bitcoin?

Don't worry, they will tell you!

Same for Vegans

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No one wants to swim with bitcoin miners...

Their pools are full of crypto.

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What do your mum and bitcoin have in common?

After I paid they go up and down rapidly.

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I asked my dad for $20,000 in Bitcoin

He replied, "1 bitcoin? What do you need 3 bitcoins for?"

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A little boy asks his father who invests in bitcoin for one bitcoin as his birthday gift. His father is surprised: What? You want 19300 dollars? 17000 is not a small number! What do you need 13000 bucks for? Your birthday gift…hmmm Okay, here is 9800 dollars for you, proceed with caution, Okay?

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Satoshi Nakamoto walks into a bar

Pays with bitcoin.

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Pressing F to pay respects watching Bitcoin price drop below $4000

Can't say the same thing being paid in guaranteed value.

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What's the difference between a Venezuelan Bolivar and Bitcoin?

The Bolivar actually has value as a currency.

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A boy asked his dad for $10 of Bitcoin money

Dad: 12.83?...what do u need 8.53$ for?

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A kid asks his rich dad...

...for $20,000 worth of Bitcoin. Dad: $6,000? What do you need $32,000 for?

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Santa Coin

Santa: What do you want for Christmas little girl?
Girl: A dragon.
Santa: Lol. Dragons aren't real. Try again.
Girl: Bitcoin at $10,000
Santa: What color would you like your dragon?

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A vegan, a Bitcoin trader, and somebody who didn't vote in 2016 walk into a bar.

Who tells you about it first?

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He works his work, I mine

He calls it syllepsis, I sell bitcoin.

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Bitcoin is super close to functioning like real currency...

Now that a small concentration of people control a majority of it

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How many bitcoin holders does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question. It never gets changed. The bulb is purchased but sits in the box for years until it's useless.

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Invest in bitcoin

Yeah thats it. Thats the entire fucking joke

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Bitcoin is the next big thing

That's it. That's the whole fucking joke.

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The bitcoin price.

Really tho.

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What do "killing net neutrality" and "Bitcoin" have in common?

They both involve people paying lots of money for NOTHING!

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What do you call bitcoin that has escaped the world of cryptocurrency?

Loose change

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A man who just invested in bitcoin was eating his money.

He bitcoin

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Why did the bitcoiner get sent to jail?

Because he touched a miner.

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Hey baby, are you a bitcoin miner?

Because you make my GPU overheat if you know what I mean

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Why did the blood sell his bitcoin stock?

Because it was a form of crypto currency.

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My girlfriend's mood is like the bitcoin price

Stable

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What's the best shoe brand for Bitcoin mining?

ASICs

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My mental health is like bitcoin

Looks like it's on the decline, but could make a come back.

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Why is everyone so depressed over Bitcoin recently?

It rose over 10% today, from $6000,- to $7000,-!

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A boy asked his dad who invested in bitcoin for 1 bitcoin...

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There is nothing that oscillates faster than gamma radiation.

Except for the bitcoin price of course.

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I promised my wife a vacation when bitcoin hit $10k

Looks like I've got the house to myself for a week..


Stolen from u/YoloPudding

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Now is the best moment to invest in Bitcoin!!

Oh wait, WAIT! Not anymore...

NOW! NOW! INVEST!

STOP STOP! ok, it's gone

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How to upset Bitcoin (BCH) users

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HitBTC - New exchange soon. Will now trade Bitcoin Cash under symbol BCH instead of BCC.

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Son asks his bitcoin investing dad for 10$

His dad replies: 9.56$? What do you want for 8.98$?

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A woman and a bitcoin invester started flirting.

Next thing they knew, they were having bitcoitus.

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If you're looking for an investment more reliable than bitcoin

Put it all on even

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Cash me ousside is so 2017

Bitcoin me ousside bitch

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Bitcoin Investors daily struggle

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What's better than bitcoin?

Chicken coin. Because you can count them!

But not before they hatch!

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How much bitcoin does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Depends on the electric currency.

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What is sadder than my bank balance?

My bitcoin balance :(

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Why does Skrillex not like Bitcoin?

Because there's no drop.

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A little kid asks his dad for a Bitcoin as a birthday present

The father says -
what?! $15457??!
$12154 is a lot of money for a kid your age!
why the hell do you need $14245?

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A friend asked me for a BitCoin.

I put a coin in my mouth. i Bit the Coin and i gave it to him.

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A Vegan, a Crossfitter, and a Bitcoin HODLer walk into a bar...

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Bitcoin Jokes (DIY)

Is your wallet hard or are you just happy to see me?

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Damn girl are you a Bitcoin?

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A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didnt vote in 2016 all walk into a bar.

Who tells you about it first?

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Superman seems to hate Bitcoin.

I guess it's his cryptonite.

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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.

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A son asked his father for a Bitcoin...

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"Dad, I want 1 Bitcoin for my birthday."

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I recently asked my father for $10 worth of Bitcoin.

He said, $9.72? Why do you want $10.37?

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What's better than Bitcoin for the black market?

The Ku Klux Koin

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I bought a bitcoin and dropped it in the drain

You can't even buy a bitcoin hahahaha

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I ate a bitcoin.

Now I have a price on my head.

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A son asks his father for 10$ in bitcoin

The father responds: Son there is no way in hell im giving you 9.78$... what the hell do you need 11.32$ for??

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My girlfriend is like bitcoin

Very volatile

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My 10 year old asked me for money.

I told him all I have is bitcoin and I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore.

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TIFU by deleting the folder with my Bitcoin wallet.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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What are the best Bitcoin puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Bitcoin? Well, here are the best jokes about Bitcoin to have fun with.

Joko Jokes