The Best 73 Bit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bit jokes. There are some bit mouthful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bit faintly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bit Jokes and Puns

I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.

Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now.

That ship has sailed.

The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, This is a bit awkward.


I grunted, Just ignore them.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?"

I said "Yes, I'm ready."

He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."


My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during sex.

He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?

I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.

If online bullying has taught us anything.

It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.

My girlfriends parents are very religious.

The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

You can explore bit tad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bit visibly dad jokes. There are also bit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after sex.

I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.

RIP Rodney.

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.

Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"

Didn't know how fast you could walk".

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

Today I realized I have a bit of a logic fetish....

I can't stop coming to conclusions.


When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign

which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

A second girlfriend

To see her reaction,he told her that he wants a second girlfriend,

In the first day he didn't see anything.

In the second day he didn't see anything.

In the third day he began to see a little bit from his right eye.

A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm fucked...'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''

''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.

''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.

The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.

As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're fucked...''

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a sexy woman, the hat would lift by itself."

(Programmer) What did 0 say to 1?

You're a bit too much.

God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it's Good Friday I thought to myself, What would Jesus do? .

So I turned it into wine...

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.

My wife and I are both feminists

But I'm a man so I'm a bit better than her at it

I was feeling very lonely the other day so I bought some stocks.

It's nice to have a bit of company.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

2 guys walk into a bar

"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts one guy to the other.

The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"

The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"

The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

I went to a restaurant and they asked me "Do you mind waiting a bit?"

"Not at all", I replied.


"Good", they said, while handing me some menus. "Take these to Table 11."

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.

Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"

Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."

Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed

He was going to tell his parents

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...

…that means no sex before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.

β€ŸHello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand

A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks β€ŸAnd why is that?

The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… β€ŸWell, its just that mine have gotten tired.

An Arab student emails his dad:

*An Arab student emails his dad:*

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.



*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*


My dear loving son,

Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love,
your Dad

A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied:

"Beats Me"

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,

"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."

"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."

I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..

I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?

My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a way to get long lashes instantly

By showing a bit of ankles in Saudi Arabia

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.

"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a sexy striptease for you."

Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

A bit rapey.

The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"

"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."

"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

Where did sally go when the bomb went off?

- everywhere.

Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..

Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.

A Vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used tampon and replies, "I'm having tea."

How did a bit travel from the CPU to the HDD?

It took the bus.

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.

"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

Please pray for my wife....

A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

An american walks into a swiss bank...

The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.

After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.

He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"

The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

In Black Panther, when she said "what are those", I cringed a little bit...

I mean, Wakanda joke is that?

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?

"Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"
"No- wait, Dracula?"
"Yes!"
"You're vampires?"
"Yes. We have pamphlets."
"Vampires have missionaries?"
"Where else would new vampires come from?"
"I assumed you bit people."
"There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in?"

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

"Barely legal".

Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

Yesterday I saw a horse-drawn carriage

The proportions were a bit off but the shading and linework were quite remarkable.

So my girlfriend is getting a bit older and her teeth are starting to fall out.

It's okay, though. They'll grow back.

10101 = 20

Sorry, I'm a bit high right now.

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

New sex technique

A man and his wife are in bed and things start to heat up. After a little bit of foreplay the man suddenly stops. His wife asks "What's wrong? Is it me?" The man replies " No I learned this on Pornhub, it's called buffering."

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

I broke up with my Thai girlfriend today.

She was a little bit too cocky for my taste.

What do Caitlin Jenner and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

Manning was just a bit too much for them.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bit friend jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bit bitty piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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