birthdays Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious birthdays puns

Birthdays are good for your health

Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.

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Birthdays are great...

... but too many of them will kill you.

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It's scientifically proven that birthdays are good for your health.

The more of them you have, the longer you live.

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It's my birthday, so here's a related joke.

Why are birthdays good for you?

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Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.

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A rich guy and a poor guy both have wives with upcoming birthdays ... (NSFW)

The rich guy says: "I'm going to get my wife a Porsche and a diamond ring for her birthday."

Poor guy:"But why?"

The rich guy responds: "Well, if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can just drive down to the jeweler's and return it. So what are you going to get YOUR wife for her birthday?".

Poor guy: "That's easy, a pair of slippers and a dildo."

Rich guy: "But why?"

Poor guy: "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!"

 

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Birthdays can be really nice

But I heard too many of them can kill you

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A rich guy and a poor guy are discussing what to get for their wives' birthdays.

Rich guy: I am going to get my wife a Porsche and a diamond ring.

Poor guy: But why?

Rich: Well, if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can just drive down to the jewelers in the Porsche and exchange it. What are you going to get YOUR wife by the way?

Poor: I am going to get her a pair of slippers and a dildo.

Rich: But why?

Poor: If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.

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NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health

Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest!

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A rich man and poor man both bought their wives two gifts for their birthdays.

The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife, the rich man responds "I got her this diamond ring and a Mercedes" the poor man is curious why he chose those two gifts so he asks why, the rich man responds "well if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive the Mercedes to go return it and get something else."

So the rich man asks the poor man what his gifts are..."I got her some slippers and a dildo". The rich man now confused, asks why. The poor man says "if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself"

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A new study has proven...

A new study has proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

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Birthdays are like my girlfriend

They only come once a year

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A recently conducted study reveals...

Birthdays are good for health

people with more birthdays were found to have lived longer

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Two old guys are drinking

Two elderly men are out drinking one evening. They've been friends since childhood and they are both approaching their 80th birthdays. As they sit at the bar and reminisce about their lives one of the men glances across the bar and sees another couple of buddies who are also up in years out drinking as well. The man elbows his friend and says "Hey, you see those two old geezers over there drinking on the other side of the bar? That's gonna be us in 10 years." His buddy looks at him dumbfounded and says "That's a mirror dipshit!"

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New research shows that birthdays are good for your health

Studies suggest that people with the most birthdays live the longest

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21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."

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opinions are like birthdays..

everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook.

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Two Husbands Talk About What They Are Getting Their Wives For Their Birthdays - NSFW

The one says to the other, "What are you getting your wife for her birthday?"
"A cadillac and a diamond ring."
"Why are you getting her that?"
"Well I figured if she didn't like the cadillac she'd like the diamond ring and if she didn't like the diamond ring she would like the cadillac.... What are you getting you wife for her birthday?"
"Slippers and a dildo."
"Why are you getting her that?"
"Well I figured if she didn't like the slippers she could go fuck herself."

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How do married men remember their birthdays?

1 year since their last blowjob.

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I went to a really trendy nightclub in town.

The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.

I said, Drinks?

He said, Birthdays.

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Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy.

Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.

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When does a regular joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent. Except for the fact it decided to stop being one and mysteriously vanished one night, cleaned out our joint bank account, never calls, never showed up to court, never remembers the kids' birthdays, never made their little league games, refuses to pay child support, refuses to get a job to avoid wage garnishment, and yet somehow manages to go on vacations to Mexico with their floozy 20-year-old girlfriend Chastity. F**K YOU, ALAN!!!

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Birthdays are good for you....

The more you have, the longer you live.

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What's the best thing for your health?

Birthdays...
The more you have, the longer you live!

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I like birthdays...

But too many can kill you.

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Facebook Birthdays.

Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.

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"What did you like best about your last job?"

"What did you like best about your last job?"

"Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."

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You gotta think about all those April 1st birthdays...

Their birthday parties must be a joke!

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All of Santa's reindeer celebrate their birthdays except one...

Santa decided that the Donner Party was not to be repeated.

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On birthdays, I save cash by re-gifting an inside joke.

It doesn't cost anything for me to get it.

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My Night Out On The Town

Last Night, I went to a really fancy nightclub downtown. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.

I said, Drinks?

He said, Birthdays.

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Research says people who have the most birthdays

Live the most.

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What does a white supremacist eat at birthdays?

KKKake. No brownies allowed though.

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Celebrating birthdays is good

Numerous studies say that people who celebrate more birthdays live for longer

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i like to unfriend people on their birthdays, let's them know it's not all about them.

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Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest?

the twenty second ones and the thirty second ones

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What are the most funny Birthdays jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Birthdays? Well, here are the best Birthdays dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Birthdays pick up lines to share with friends.

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