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Birthday Wish Jokes

51 birthday wish jokes and hilarious birthday wish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about birthday wish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Birthday Wish Short Jokes

Short birthday wish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birthday wish humour may include short happy birthday wishes jokes also.

  1. I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday. You won't catch me doing that today.
  2. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...
  3. I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore. Poor guy can't catch a "brake".




    (P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)
  4. Buddhist birthday wishes Forget the past, you cannot change it.
    Forget the future, you cannot know it.
    Forget the present, I didn't bring you one.
  5. To celebrate my cake day, I decided to post a joke I got more birthday wishes than my real-life birthday.
    [Reddit, thank you for years of facts, hobbies, jokes, and hundreds of unproductive hours]
  6. Happy birthday Georges Seurat! I wish I could remember why he's famous but my knowledge of his work is a little spotty.
  7. What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday? I'll column later.
  8. What's the difference between a birthday cake and a politician? If you blow a politician your wish will come true.
  9. I got my drug dealer arrested the other day Maybe next time you'll wish me happy birthday, mom
  10. My 19 year-old son made a wish on his birthday... The doctor told us it doesn't work like that anymore.

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Birthday Wish One Liners

Which birthday wish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birthday wish? I can suggest the ones about birthday present and birthday celebration.

  1. What did the nihilist wish for on his birthday?
  2. It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today... I wish him great happenis.
  3. I want to wish you a Happy Birthday in Chinese. yung no mo !
  4. I wished Happy Birthday to him but he was crying.
  5. Forgot to wish your girlfriend on her birthday?
  6. It is my birthday and nobody wished.
  7. Happy Birthday Jesus Christ May Allah give what you wish for.

Unearthly Funniest Birthday Wish Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about birthday wish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birthday gift jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birthday wish pranks.

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....

Three men were caught for m**... on same day.
Very next day they were produced in the court.
After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch.
It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone.
After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes.
Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish.
First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing.
He is lashed 500 times all over his body.
He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness.
When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me."
Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes.
Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish.
He looked around.
He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot.
He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "

Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"

May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" and I felt really special. Then, she asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said: "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" and i replied ''Okay!'' She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all yelling,, "SURPRISE!!!"
...while I was waiting on the sofa... n**...

An Australian, an American and a New Zealander are enjoying some beer in Saudi Arabia..

...even though it is against the law to drink alcohol there. They are captured by the Sheik and are sentenced to death, until his wife runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. She glances to the New Zealander, and whispers some more.
The sheik steps forward and announces:
"Because it is my wife's birthday today, she has asked that I spare your lives, on the following terms. You will each get 20 lashes, but will receive one wish before you do. However, since my wife and I admire New Zealand's beautiful countryside, we will allow the New Zealander two wishes."
The Australian is up first, and asks for a pillow to be tied to his back. However, after the first few lashes, the pillow breaks. Then, the American asks for TWO pillows to be tied to his back. Again, they break after but five lashes. Finally, the New Zealander steps forward.
"First," he says, "I would like to be given 40 lashes, not 20."
The sheik is confused at first, and then asks "And...your second wish?"
"Tie the Aussie to my back."

Careful what you wish for!

I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....

Poor Husband Hilarious Joke

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parentsforgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said,"Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....

Why did i get Divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parentsforgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said,"Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....

My girlfriend hired a midget to play the keyboards at my birthday party

I think she misunderstood me. I did not say I wished I had a 12 inch pianist.

The Marriage Fairy

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and *p**...!* She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and *p**...!* He was 90

Why did John get divorced?

Well, last week was his birthday. His wife didn't wish him a happy birthday. His parents forgot and so did his kids. He went to work and even his colleagues didn't wish him a happy birthday. As he entered his office, his secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" He felt so special. She asked him out for lunch. After lunch, she invited him to her apartment. They went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," He said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, his wife, his parents, his kids, his friends, & his colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while John was waiting on the sofa... n**...

"I'm 29 years old today..."

"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)

This week I got divorced.

last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... n**....

My birthday was last week

My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday.
My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt so special.
She asked me out to lunch.
After lunch she invited me to her apartment.
When we got there, she asked, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I replied.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, and all my colleagues as they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa.. n**....

Birthday wishes

Next time I have a birthday party, before I blow out the candles, I will say: "My wish is that my wish does not come true."
Whereupon I will watch the universe implode.

A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them.

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and p**...!
He had the tickets in his hand.
Next, it was the birthday boy's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and p**...!
He was 90.

People keep asking me what my birthday wish was...

I wished for cancer so i can make a real wish

My cousin died just six days before my birthday

Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I now had nothing to wish for.

My dad got me a cake for my birthday

He told me to make a wish and blow out the candles.
Afterwards, he asked me what I wished for.
I said I wished you wouldn't hit me anymore.
Then you shouldn't have said it out loud.

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week it was my birthday, my wife didn't wish me a happy birthday, my kids didn't, and even my parents didn't even remember. I went to work and none of my colleagues nor my friends wished my a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, Happy birthday boss I felt so special. She invited me to lunch, then after lunch she invited me to my apartment. We went there and she said Do you mind if I go to the bedroom real quick? I said okay and 5 minutes later she comes out with a big birthday cake, my friends, my family, my kids my friends, and my colleagues all came out and yelled SURPRISE!!!! While I was laying on the sofa n**......

Why did the man get a divorce?

Why did the man get a divorce? Well, last week was the man's birthday. His wife didn't wish him a happy birthday. His kids and his parents forgot as well. He went to work and not even one of his colleagues wished him a happy birthday. As the man entered his office, his secretary said "Happy birthday, boss!" The man felt so special. She asked him out for lunch. After lunch, she invited him to her apartment. When they got there, she said "do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay" he said. She came out with a birthday cake, his wife, parents, kids, and colleagues all yelling "SURPRISE!" while he was waiting on the couch n**....

I have s**... 24/7

It's my annual birthday wish. My wife doesn't let me smash her the other 364 days of the year.

I overheard it was my co-worker's birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff. Remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

What's the first way to know when you're growing old?

It's your birthday and the only ones who wish you happy birthday are your doctors.
(Not so much a joke. It's my birthday and guess who wished me happy birthday so far.)
Edit: finally, a couple of family members have said it. They're still outnumbered five to one by medical staff. Lol!

jokes about birthday wish