Birthday Dad Jokes
81 birthday dad jokes and hilarious birthday dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about birthday dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Birthday Dad Short Jokes
Short birthday dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birthday dad humour may include short christmas dad jokes also.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
- How does a cat like its steak cooked... Raaaaaaaare.
I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday. - A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday Dad: What? $6,244??? $5,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $3,782 for anyway?
- My dad teared up after I gave him his 50th birthday card He said "One would have been enough"
- My dad just told us that he wants his next birthday party to be exactly a minute long. It's his sixty second birthday.
- I dint know what to buy for my dad as his birthday present, so I gave him 100 dollars and told him to buy something that will make his life easier He bought something for my mum.
- You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom? My dad shows up at a courtroom.
- Dad gets mom a cake for her birthday every year But for Mother's Day he gives her a cream pie.
- Dad joke for my birthday I just opened my birthday card from my Dad...
"How time has flown, it only seems like 12 months since your last birthday"
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Birthday Dad One Liners
Which birthday dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birthday dad? I can suggest the ones about dead dad and old dad.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he said to me: One would have been enough.
- My dad was going to tell a joke on my birthday... But he left during the delivery.
- Dad keeps breaking into my phone, so I found a password he won't remember. My birthday.
- Do you know what my dad and Brad Pitt have in common? Neither came to my birthday party
- My dad tried to surprise me with a truck for my birthday. But he missed.
- What did the mathematician dad think of getting a yardstick on his birthday? It's rules
- Dad! My friend gave me a cheese grater for my birthday! That's grate, son.
- Today is my dad's birthday He's the opening act for Christ.
- I got my dad a melted chocolate bar for his birthday He said that I'm a good sun.
- Soul's Dad built him a hen house on his birthday He calls it "Chicken Coop for the Soul"
- What does a gay kid get for his birthday? Beats By Dad
- "Dad, I want 1 Bitcoin for my birthday."
- I bought my Dad a samsung tablet for his birthday. Thanks for the ipad son.
- My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the c**... company…
Happy Birthday Dad Jokes
Here is a list of funny happy birthday dad jokes and even better happy birthday dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!" She is referring to our cat.
10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid." - Happy birthday to me. Or, as my dad likes to say... "Happy nine months after *my* happy birthday"
- Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!!
Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you.
Fun-Filled Birthday Dad Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about birthday dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter father jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birthday dad pranks.
"I just had s**... in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
When you were born your mom said: "It's a treasure."
Dad said: "Ya let's bury."
Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.
5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.
So it was my 18th birthday the other day...
Maybe now I can help my dad find those cigarettes he's been looking for the last 12 years.
A young boy was obsessed with tractors..
He got a toy tractor and tractor pyjamas for his birthday, and he loved them with all his heart. 2 years later he got his first mini tractor, and rode it everyday until it became too small. Skip forward again, it was his 16th birthday, and his dad bought him his first real tractor. He takes it out to work around his dad's farm, which is what he always wanted to do. After a month he suddenly decided that farming wasn't for him and he was no longer interested in tractors. Skip ahead another 5 years, and the man is walking home from his office job when he spots a house burning down. He walks over to the house and positions himself in front of it. He suddenly takes a huge breath and s**... in all the smoke, the fire goes out, and the people are saved. A bystander asks him "How on earth did you do that?!" The man replied calmly, "Easy, I'm an ex-tractor fan"
The Shiny Watch of Jimmy
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. Did you get that for your birthday? – asked Johnny.
Nope. – replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then?
Again Jimmy said Nope. You didn't steal it, did you? – asked Johnny.
No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**....
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.
I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?
He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together
At the end of my 21st birthday meal, I mentioned to my dad that the waiter had been really friendly and accommodating.
So he hands him a 100 euro note and goes, "As the l**... said to the p**..., 'You can keep the tip!'"
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"
What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?
Thanks for sediments
At first, I never understood why my parents had a bitter relationship
Until I realized my birthday was 9 months after my dad's...
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
Before my tenth birthday, my dad told me I was adpoted
I said, "wow really?"
He responded, "Yup pack your stuff they will be here in about twenty minutes"
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
Dad Joke
It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20years!"
Well yeah it was my 20th birthday.
My dad bought me an amazon gift card for my birthday recently
He told me not to spend it all in one place though
What brand of Headphones does an abusive father give to his child on his birthday every year
Beats by Dad
My dad passed away a few months ago, today would've been his 61 birthday. Blame him for my sense of humor.
My sister messaged me. "How are you doing?"
I Responded. "My elbow hurts and I have a cold sore on my tongue."
"Two lessons learned, don't fight a h**... and don't kiss one."
Super deflect..
If I was Jesus I'm not sure what would make me angrier..
The fact that everyone is making my birthday about them
or that my dad isn't real
Me talking about my failed birthday party
Me: the only person who didn't pull out was the one person I wanted to
Friend: who was that?
Me: my dad
Dad bought me an e**... for my 18th birthday!
I was a little disappointed when she turned out to be old, smelled terrible and was filfthy. She definitely had a ton of experience but she was very rusty.
I asked Dad to get his money back, I don't like Fords.
My dad got me a cake for my birthday
He told me to make a wish and blow out the candles.
Afterwards, he asked me what I wished for.
I said I wished you wouldn't hit me anymore.
Then you shouldn't have said it out loud.
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.
"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
I asked my cockney dad what I should buy my girlfriend for her birthday.
He said, 'You should give her a Pandora bracelet.'
So I gave her a pound.
So this guy sends his dad a h**... for his 80th birthday..
She bangs on the door and he opens it. Squinting at her he asks what she wants. She's replies that she's there for super s**.... He says, I'll take the soup.
As i handed my dad his 55th birthday card he started screaming...
Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!
I was given a boomerang for my birthday, and was told it's like my dad.
I think it's defunct though, because when I threw it, it never came back.
So a dad and his son go into a bar...
His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I bought my dad a fridge for his birthday
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it
For son's birthday, Dad buys him a bass guitar...
...and pays for 5 lessons.
After the first lesson, the boy gets home and Dad asks "What did you learn today?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the E string." the son says proudly.
After the second lesson, the dad asks "What did you learn this time?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the A string." the boy says.
After the third lesson, the Dad waits at home for what seems like hours. Around 2am, the son finally comes home, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.
"Where the h**... have you been?" Dad demands.
"Sorry dad, I had a gig!"
Son asks his father for a gift
Son: - Dad I need a gift for my birthday
Dad: - What do you want Son
Son: - I need a Bitcoin
Dad: - What?? Why do you need $ 35K for?? You know how difficult it is to earn $ 25K dollars?? You will learn difficulty of earning $ 40K when you get a job
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
I bleached my hair on my 18th birthday.
"I guess now you're legally blonde," my dad chuckled.
The year before my dad's 70th birthday he wants to visit a city in the south of France
Nice.
My dad got me a PacMan shaped cake for my birthday.
At least, that's his explanation for the shape.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
