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Birthday Celebration Jokes

90 birthday celebration jokes and hilarious birthday celebration puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about birthday celebration that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Birthday Celebration Short Jokes

Short birthday celebration jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birthday celebration humour may include short birthday party jokes also.

  1. I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
  2. My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

    "thirty-second birthday."
  3. I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute After all, it was her thirty second birthday.
  4. I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year
  5. I'm turning 32 in a few months and I'm kinda depressed about it. I only get to celebrate my birthday for half a minute.... It's my thirty second birthday...
  6. What's an occasion they you only celebrate for half a minute? Your thirty-second birthday.
  7. I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March I was born in November
  8. 60th birthday Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...
  9. Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute! I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.
  10. I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife's birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.

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Birthday Celebration One Liners

Which birthday celebration one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birthday celebration? I can suggest the ones about birthday cake and birthday candles.

  1. Today I celebrated my 62nd birthday. It was only a minute long.
  2. How did the programmer celebrate his birthday? var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
  3. How does Google celebrate its birthday? With a search party.
  4. TIL that anarchists don't celebrate birthdays Because they don't believe in parties.
  5. A Sad Birthday. It would be very sad to celebrate the Birthday of a Cake.
  6. How does a dog celebrate his birthday? With a Paw-ty.
  7. My friend called me 'Curiosity' Because I'm the only one who celebrates my birthday
  8. When do you celebrate a birthday on the 24th of July? 24/7
  9. How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday? With a low-key event
  10. Short people shouldn't celebrate their birthday ..They aren't growing up afterall
  11. How do Ethiopians celebrate a child's 1st birthday? By visiting their grave.
  12. Why did the californian celebrate his birthday a day earlier? He moved down-under!!

Birthday Celebration Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about birthday celebration you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean daughter birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birthday celebration pranks.

My wife is turning 32 soon...


I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.

Happy Birthday Henry

Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a h**... to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."

There was a little boy celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.
The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.
Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".
"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.
She plays with his t**... for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".
"How did you know?" the boy asked.
Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....

21st birthday

A little boy is born with a terrible birth defect - he has only a head, no torso, no limbs.
On his 21st birthday, his friends take him to the bar to celebrate. One of them pours his first beer down his t**... - and p**...! All of a sudden, a neck and torso pop out of his head.
His friends are stunned. "Quick, get him another one!" So one of them helps him drink another beer - and p**...! Two arms pop out of the torso.
Amazed, they order another beer, which the boy (now having arms) proudly drinks all by himself. p**...! Two legs pop out of the torso. All his friends cheer as the guy gets up to take a few steps. But he's unsteady on his new legs - not helped by three beers in rapid succession - and after a few steps he stumbles through the front door and into the street, and gets flattened by a bus.
"Bummer," says one of the guys in the bar. "He should have quit while he was ahead."

Tortoises's Birthday

All the animals in the jungle were gathered to celebrate the tortoises birthday. The lion suggested that the animals each tell their funniest joke to the tortoise so he could have a nice laugh. He also said that if their joke did not make the tortoise laugh, he would eat them. So the monkey went first and told the funniest joke he knew and everyone laughed... Except the tortoise. So the lion ate him. The gazelle was next and nervously told her funniest joke. Again everyone laughed but the tortoise so the lion ate the gazelle. After a few more times of this happening it seemed the tortoise didn't find any of the jokes funny. It was the rabbits turn and he told the funniest joke any of the animals had ever heard, but the tortoise would still not laugh. The lion was starting to get a little annoyed that the tortoise wasn't laughing. Finally it was board turn and he told a mediocre joke and only got a few laughs. However, the tortoise started laughing hysterically. The lion, confused, asked the tortoise how he found the boar's joke funny but not the other ones. The tortoise said "No...I just got the monkey's joke."

A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...

They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.
Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to his car and drives it down to the bar.
There, the father tells the bartender to give him two shots. After downing one, he raises the second glass to his son's lips, and the head downs the beer in just a second. Suddenly, a torso appears below the head.
"Bartender! Gimme another shot!" The father yells excitedly. After downing that one as well, the rest of the body appears, and the father is ecstatic.
"Bartender! Gimme one more shot for good luck and to celebrate!" The father yells, amazed at this unexpected sequence of events. As the first bit of alcohol reaches the son's lips, he vanishes completely.
The father, distraught, doesn't know what to do. The bartender shakes his head and says, "Should've quit while he was a head."

Santa's Jokes

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

A man is celebrating his 60th birthday..

A man is celebrating his 60th birthday, and his sons decide that they should do something special for him since he lost his wife over a decade ago and never tried to get back into dating.
So they hire a p**... and tell her to go to his house that night. The young, voluptuous woman strolls up to the door at half past 9 and rings the doorbell. After a few minutes and some grouchy yelling from the house, the old man opens the door.
The woman says, in her best s**... voice, "Hello George, I'm here to give you super s**..."
He looks her up and down briefly and says "Eh, I'll take the soup".

The sailor's birthday

Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

Need more time?

Scientifically proved. Those who celebrate more birthdays, live more time.

Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe.

Happy Birthday Isaac Newton.

How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?

They bring flowers to his grave.

Irony: I baked a Death By Chocolate Cake...

and gave it to my dog to celebrate his birthday.

The Marriage Fairy

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and *p**...!* She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and *p**...!* He was 90

An old man wants to get life insurance

The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'

How do Ethiopians celebrate their child's first birthday?

By putting flowers on the grave.

Celebrating birthdays is good

Numerous studies say that people who celebrate more birthdays live for longer

How do African families celebrate their child's first birthday?

By bringing flowers to his grave.

I'm so happy that 20th of April has so much attention!

Otherwise we would have forgotten h**...'s birthday! It's so nice of us to celebrate it.

What would you like for your birthday...

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."
"My goodness," he says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

Jesus celebrated each birthday on Christmas...

... imagine the amount of presents he must have gotten!

I know someone who celebrated his 21st birthday today.

I told him it was a sobering moment.

So my family and I go past a nursing home...

There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"

My sister turns 42 on Monday

Considering it's a weeknight and we have kids and all, I told her not to get her hopes up.
"As it is," I say, "we'll only celebrate it for less than a minute."
When she asked what the heck I was talking about, I reminded her: "This is your forty-second birthday."

A gay couple had been partnered for 25 years and was celebrating the 60th birthday of one of them.

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The one who was giving the party said, "We've blown all our money on parties and fine dining and decorating this house, I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and p**...!
He had the tickets in his hand.
Next, it was the birthday boy's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then with a sly grin said, "Well, I'd like a boyfriend 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and p**...!
He was 90.

How does a Somali couple celebrate their child's first birthday?

by putting flowers on his grave

Francisco Nunez Olivera, the world's oldest man, died at his home in Spain – a month after celebrating his 113th birthday last Monday night...

I shall miss reading his jokes on here...

All of Santa's reindeer celebrate their birthdays except one...

Santa decided that the Donner Party was not to be repeated.

On George Washingtons birthday we also celebrate his wooden teeth

Better known as Presidentures

An old woman in Texas is celebrating her one hundredth birthday.

The local news comes to her birthday party to congratulate her on achieving such an advanced age. They find her in good health and good spirits on her special day. They ask her what her secret to longevity is. She answers immediately and confidently that her method is to eat a tablespoon of gunpowder with breakfast every morning. Her family confirms that this has been her religiously observed habit for decades.
Well a few years later her time comes and she passes away. According to her will she wished to be cremated. She left her house to her church, her money to her family, and a hundred foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

The woman who had never been s**....

A woman was standing on the deck of a cruiseship crying. A man passed by and asked why she was crying.
Woman: " This is my 40th birthday, I have no friends to celebrate with and as you can see I lost both my arms and legs in an accident when I was a child. And on top of that I've never been s**..., let alone been kissed."
The man picked her up, kissed her gently and looked her deep in the eyes and smiled... And tossed her overboard.
"There, now you've been s**...".

My wife's is going to turn 32 soon...

I told her not to get too excited for the celebrations... After all, it's going to be a thirty-second birthday.

Tomorrow I get to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday!

And in 31 days I get to stop celebrating my girlfriend's birthday!

How does the Norse God of mischief like to celebrate his birthday?

He likes to keep it low-key

My mom

Last year my mom shoud have celebrated her 60th birthday. But because of alcohol, smoking, drugs and other bad decisions, we all forgot...

People say they're dog lovers...

People say they're dog lovers, but when was the last time you saw them even celebrate just 4 of their dog's birthdays in one human year?

What is it called when a bunch of blind Germans celebrate h**...'s birthday?

The not-see party.

Today, my wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary together.

My wife just recently celebrated her 32nd birthday, and it just so happens that I'm celebrating my 40th birthday tomorrow!

To celebrate Shakespeare's birthday this year, McDonalds are launching a new burger...

...called the McBeth.

Putin

Vladimir Putin celebrated his birthday,
but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.

I always celebrate my birthday in the most traditional way possible.

I suddenly enter a room full of strangers, n**.... And then start crying.

I brought cake and candy to my son's birthday celebration.

And that, officer, is why I told the hostess at Chuck E. Cheese's that I was the sugar daddy looking for my party boy.

How do anti-vaxxers celebrate their kid's sixth birthday?

They put flowers on their grave.

My Girlfriend is turning 32 soon.

I told her not to get her hopes up.
After all, I say, we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.
She seemed upset and demanded to know why i would do that to her.
I calmly pointed out,
This is your thirty-second birthday...

The 90th birthday

An elderly man is celebrating his 90th birthday down at the nursing home and all his friends decide to surprise him by getting him a present. So they wheel in this massive cake and out pops a beautiful young women who looks at the old man and says:
"Hi, I can give you some super s**...!"
So the old man says "Well uuuh... I guess I'll take the soup"

Queen's birthday celebrations are cancelled for the first time.

In 100 years she will remember it and laugh

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?

Bernie, she says. I want a divorce .
My goodness, he says. I wasn't planning on spending that much.

(Overheard at work) I'm not saying 2020 has been a long year...

But we just celebrated my son's third birthday and he was born in January.

Building contractor

This building contractor dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday.
He ends up heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.
Saint Peter shakes the guys hand and says congratulations!
The contractor is a little confused and says congratulations for what?
Congratulations for what!? says Saint Peter.
We're celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.
The contractor says, But that's not right. I only lived to be 40.
That's impossible, says Saint Peter. We added up your time sheets!

A couple had been married for 35 years,

the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

A Girl Was About to Celebrate her 18th Birthday

The mother asked the girl what would she like as a gift.
As the girl was not materialistic, she said even a heartfelt message that will make her cry will suffice.
And the mother said "you're adopted".

To celebrate my cake day, I decided to post a joke

I got more birthday wishes than my real-life birthday.
[Reddit, thank you for years of facts, hobbies, jokes, and hundreds of unproductive hours]

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

People in China are all preparing to celebrate the 100th anniversary - and so should we!

Winnie the Pooh's birthday is August 21, 1921 which is only about a month off :)

This past year has been a sad one. It would have been my Mother's 60th Birthday, which we would have celebrated with the whole family. But thanks to drugs, alcohol, and a whole lot of bad decisions...

We all forgot to show up.

An old man is celebrating his 90th birthday

And his friends pooled their money together and hired a p**... to go to his house.
The p**... knocks on the old man's door and says, "Happy birthday! I'm here to give you super s**...!"
The old man says, "I'll take the soup."