Birthday Card Jokes
42 birthday card jokes and hilarious birthday card puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about birthday card that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Birthday Card Short Jokes
Short birthday card jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birthday card humour may include short birthday cake jokes also.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
- For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
- birthday card As i handed my mom her 50th birthday card today she said " One would've done"
- I've open 6 birthday cards and I'm up to $150 already. I love working for the post office!
- birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present... I didn't get you one.
- I was really happy when I opened four birthday cards and found a total of $200 in them. I love being a postman.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday and she said "All I want is a nice card..." "...with a $100,000 limit".
- I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it. The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.
- My mum burst into tears as I placed her 50th Birthday card in her hands, she said "One really would of been enough"
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Birthday Card One Liners
Which birthday card one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birthday card? I can suggest the ones about birthday candles and birthday celebration.
- I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.
- What does a man who has everything get his wife for her birthday? A birthday card.
- I was hoping to get some birthday money... Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards.
- You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.
- Why should trees never sign birthday cards? Because they're always so *Sappy*!
- What message did the t**... receive in his birthday card? You're the bomb!
Fun-Filled Birthday Card Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about birthday card you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birthday fish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birthday card pranks.
This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card.
She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual.
The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”
I made dinner reservations for my wife's birthday and told the host there's an extra $20 for the bartenders if they card her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had f**....
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
The Blind Clerk
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a divorce for my birthday.
When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....
My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday.
She told me not to spend it all in one place.
Dad joke for my birthday
I just opened my birthday card from my Dad...
"How time has flown, it only seems like 12 months since your last birthday"
Wife's Birthday Gift
John: "It's my wife's birthday."
Peter: "What's your gift to her?"
John: "I asked her what she wanted."
Peter: "What did she say?"
John: "Anything, as long as there is a diamond."
Peter: "What did you give her?"
John: "Playing cards."
Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email?
He had no attachments.
A friend once gave me a birthday card, and inside it was a big fat zero.
It meant nothing to me.
My dad bought me an amazon gift card for my birthday recently
He told me not to spend it all in one place though
I opened my birthday card and a load of rice fell out
I know exactly who sent it. It was my Uncle Ben.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A penguin goes into a pub...
At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the c**... machine says :
"You look s**... in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the c**... machine is out of order"
This was the best joke of my birthday cards this morning, so thither I would share.
Offering to pump gas for your girlfriend is a good idea until
She tells you the pin to her debit card is her birthday and you can't think of it
As i handed my dad his 55th birthday card he started screaming...
Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!
I should get my girlfriend a card for her birthday.
I'll make it green. I'm sure she will like it, all my friends say she must want one if she's dating me.
I walked into the newsagents and asked if they sold Oyster Cards. The cashier said, "For the bus?"
I said, "No, it's my oyster's birthday."
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.
It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old."
By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday, Bill
It was my mother's 50th birthday the other day. I handed her her 50th card.
She says why have you got me so many cards?!
