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Birds Jokes

191 birds jokes and hilarious birds puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about birds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Prepare to flip your feathers with laughter as we bring you a collection of witty Jokes about Birds. Whether it's puns on parrots, tales about toucans, or humor involving hawks, these jokes chirp a tune of hilarity that resonates with all ages.

Ideal for creating whimsical moments at a bird-watching gathering, adding a fun element to an educational session, or as a unique ice-breaker at social events, these bird jokes are sure to get the giggles going. Amidst all the fly-high humor, these jocular references, ranging from garden sparrows to the sublime peacocks, capture the fascinating diversity of our feathered friends in a lighthearted, comical embrace.

So, spread your wings of humor because laughter's contagion is about to take flight in a flurry of funny bird jests!

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Funniest Birds Short Jokes

Short birds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birds humour may include short flies jokes also.

  1. My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
  2. What's heavier, a ton of brick or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
  3. My daughters favorite joke... What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
    One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
  4. What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? The feathers.
    Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
  5. God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy! worm: Thanks for the worm welcome
    God: *creates birds*
  6. My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
  7. What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird.
  8. A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
  9. What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
  10. What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

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Birds One Liners

Which birds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birds? I can suggest the ones about bird watching and bird nest.

  1. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
  2. No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
  3. What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
  4. One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops... ...but Toucan.
  5. What do you call a flying nun? A bird? A plane?
    Nope, nun of the above
  6. A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird. It scandinavian.
  7. What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
  8. If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
  9. What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
  10. What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics? A hummingbird
  11. What is the national bird of Afghanistan? US Drone
  12. I dated a couple of anorexic girls once. Two birds, one stone.
  13. What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone.
  14. Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
  15. One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.

Birds And Bees Jokes

Here is a list of funny birds and bees jokes and even better birds and bees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my son about the birds and the bees. He then told me about the postman and my wife.
  • Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, lets do it Let's go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die
  • I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees And he told me about my wife and the butcher!
  • What's smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee
  • What a kid I got I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
  • I told my son about the birds and the bees... He told me about my wife and the mail man. I get no respect
  • I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees." I learned a lot.
  • The teacher asked little Johnnie if he had ever seen a humming bird... Little Johnnie said, "No, but one time I saw a spelling bee."
  • My dad told me about the birds and the bees today... Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.
  • I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher.

Birds Prey Jokes

Here is a list of funny birds prey jokes and even better birds prey puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to the backyard this morning and I saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast. It was a millennial falcon.
  • We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music. Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark
  • I was arrested the other day for keeping a sick bird of prey. Turns out it was ill eagle
  • Why did the priest buy an owl for his church? Because it's a bird of prey
  • Why do you have to deport sick birds of prey? Why do you have to deport sick birds of prey?
    >!it might be an illeagle!<
  • What do you call a narcissist bird of prey? Eagle-centric
  • An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
  • What happened after the bird of prey ate it's child? It was filled with egret.
  • What did the owl say to the squirrel? Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.
  • A friend of mine has nocturnal birds of prey nesting in his barn. I'm getting owl-ly updates.
Birds joke, A friend of mine has nocturnal birds of prey nesting in his barn.

Birds Nests Jokes

Here is a list of funny birds nests jokes and even better birds nests puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where does a russian bird sleep? IN A COMMU-NEST
  • On my way to work this morning a bird decided to make its home on top of my head. I went to call someone for help but my phone had run out of power I'm now under a nest without charge
  • What do you call a group of rabbits A nest
    What do you call a group of birds
    A flock
    What do you call a group of Lions
    Dangerous
  • What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A vel-crow
  • What do you call a tree full of birds nests? Apartridgements.
  • I wonder, if when a bird flies past the tree they were born on... Would they become nest-algic?
  • Why do bird massueses hate women? Because they massage-a-nest
  • I think they call them mocking birds To mock the fact I am not a morning person.
    If anyone else has experienced having a birds nest outside your window, youll understand.
  • Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
    A: In a nest-cafe!
  • Why do birds live in nests? Because they can't afford houses in this economy.

Angry Birds Jokes

Here is a list of funny angry birds jokes and even better angry birds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife is angry because she thinks I'm letting birds make a home in my beard. They're obviously not staying though. It's just a Hairbnb.
  • What do you call an angry singer flipping someone off? A song bird.
  • The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump... No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.
  • Whenever I get very angry or if I hurt my self, I shout out the sounds of migratory birds... ...which usually leaves me apologizing to someone for using fowl language.
  • What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird? One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
    ^^^^^Credit ^^^^^to ^^^^^my ^^^^^wife.
  • What would you call a furious group of girls? Angry Birds!
  • What do you call an Angry Bird who just got back from the spa? A Bird.

Love Birds Jokes

Here is a list of funny love birds jokes and even better love birds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but... i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come
  • What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts
  • I've got a new aftershave called breadcrumbs The birds love it
  • Yesterday I told this joke about a worm being eaten early in the morning The birds loved it.
  • I absolutely love penguins and puffins. I spent all my savings going to a sea birds aviary and saw only puffins. I didn't see any penguins. Nor egrets.
  • I love driving sports cars at top speed, so I joined the Autobahn society. They're weirdly into birds, though.
  • A promiscuous homosexual man who collects birds of paradise, Loves a cockatoo
  • Got my self some new aftershave for the weekend, it's called Breadcrumbs The birds love it.
  • have you smelled my new seeded aftershave? The birds love it.
  • I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.
Birds joke

Gather Around for Heartwarming Birds Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about birds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bugs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birds pranks.

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

Daddy, what's s**...?

A man was in his backyard when his 8 year old daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
The man things for a minute and tell himself if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know, so he goes on and tells his daughter all about the birds and the bees.
Once he was done, his daughter was sitting there, wide eyed, while his wife yells from inside, "Honey, did you tell dad dinner will be ready in a couple of secs yet?"

The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

Bad News

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...

...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

I'm going out with two anorexic girls,

Two birds, one stone

Theres a new STD for birds..

It's called Chirpes.
And the worst part?
Its untweetable.

Jokes/Puns!

1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.
2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.
3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.
4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.
5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.
6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.

Two birds are sat on a perch.

Two birds are sat on a perch.
One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"

little Johnny

Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

Finger l**... Good

Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

My grandpa always told me to take every opportunity to hit two birds with one stone.

He hated birds. [](/celestlol)

How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

The difference between a crow and a raven.

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their habitat and logging hours of observations. Their beaks were the same, their feet and their bodies showed no variable difference. But, at last, a breakthrough. The long feathers at the tip of a birds wings, the pinion feathers, provided the conclusion that ravens and crows differ. A raven has four pinion feathers and a crow has five pinion feathers. So........................... The difference between ravens and crows is a matter of a pinion.

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.

A little Johnny...

One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."

A man heard a talk show was looking for people with unusual talents

When he showed up to audition for the segment the talk show host asked him what talent he was going to perform. The man explained "I imitate birds." The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. We want something nobody has ever seen before." The man shrugged, flapped his arms, and flew away.

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

Two birds are sitting on a perch.....

one looks to the other and says "Do you smell something fishy??"

Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"

What do you call it when a p**... makes paper birds?

w**...-igami

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Dad: "A little bird told me you are doing drugs"

Son: "You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"

Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together?

Well I won't explain now, it's toucan fusing.

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

Why don't birds eat potato chips?

Because it RUFFLES their feathers.

Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly l**... the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

Job interview for a circus

A man is having a job interview for a circus. The interviewer asks: "What's your ability?"
"I can imitate birds"
"Look, I'm sorry but this is not the kind of things we are looking for"
The guy answers: "Fine, fine, thanks anyway", then he opens the window and flies away.

Do you know why one side is longer than the other when birds fly in a "V" formation?

Because there are more birds on that side.

When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died.

Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.

Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Toucan

Want to know the secret to killing two birds with one stone?

Throw it twice.

I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food

I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world?

You mean across?

Birds for sale...

All of them are going cheap!

What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?

2kilo mocking birds.

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

What kind of birds can you find in Portugal?

Portugeese

A lesbian couple gets married and decides to only get 1 diamond ring between them

Two birds, one stone

What kind of birds always stick together?

Velcrows

Why don't birds study for tests?

They like to wing it

A group of fish is a school. A group of birds is a flock. A group of wolves is a pack. What do you call a group of Trump supporters?

A k**...

Have you heard the disease you get from kissing birds?

It's called Chirpes.
It's a canerial disease.
It's untweetable.

How much soda should tropical birds drink?

Two cans

Which weighs more? A ton of feathers? Or a ton of steel?

Feathers. You'll have to carry the weight of what you did to all those birds.

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They're both flying information.

Walking through the park one morning, I saw an old man feeding the birds. After a few minutes of watching him, I began to wonder...

...how long has he been dead?

It's a nice day in the park. Birds are chirping and children are playing.

You get tired of walking and head over to a bench. There's another man there and he's-... HE'S JERKING OFF.
"DEAR GOD!" you exclaim, "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!"
"I am."

What do you call birds that stick together?

Vel-Crows

I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself...

"i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

To do list-

(1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for reaction.

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

I used to be interested in dinosaurs as a kid, but I'm more into birds now.

I guess you could say my interests have really evolved.

Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?

Don't you mean across?

What weighs more, a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers, cause you have to carry around the weight of what you did to those poor birds

I released a flock of birds at my friend's wedding, just like they asked, but now they aren't speaking to me.

How was i supposed to know ostriches weren't an acceptable choice?

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They've left no tern unstoned

Johny's Mom Was Explaining Him The Benefits of Waking Early In The Morning.

"See", she said, "Those birds who wake early get most of the insects to eat."
"I understand Mom", replied Johnny, "But what happens to the insects who rise early?"

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

I call my friends Dodo birds

Because they don't exist.

I always wondered why bird flying in V formation would have one side longer than the other...

Turns out it's because there are more birds on that side.

Police are looking for a man selling m**... to birds.

Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

A conversation I had with my mom

Mom: A little birdy told me someone's been taking drugs
Me: Well you're the one talking to birds!

Why do cops hate sick birds?

Because they're ill eagles.

If you see a bunch of b**... birds

Don't automatically assume it's a m**... of crows.
You can't have a m**... without probable caws.

Guy: I am great at indentifying birds

Friend: ok, what are those on that tree?
Guy: yes, they are all birds.

Birds aren't my favourite animal

But they're up there.

If you date twin girls, and one of them smokes w**.....

Is that like getting two birds with one s**...?

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ideally three but toucan.

Just saw a heap of black birds stuck together.

They were velcrows

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book. He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water"

Birds joke, A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach

jokes about birds