JokoJokes

Birds And Bees Jokes

49 birds and bees jokes and hilarious birds and bees puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about birds and bees that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Birds And Bees Short Jokes

Short birds and bees jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The birds and bees humour may include short bees jokes also.

  1. I told my son about the birds and the bees. He then told me about the postman and my wife.
  2. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, lets do it Let's go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die
  3. I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees And he told me about my wife and the butcher!
  4. What a kid I got I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
  5. I told my son about the birds and the bees... He told me about my wife and the mail man. I get no respect
  6. I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees." I learned a lot.
  7. The teacher asked little Johnnie if he had ever seen a humming bird... Little Johnnie said, "No, but one time I saw a spelling bee."
  8. My dad told me about the birds and the bees today... Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.
  9. I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher.
  10. Why did Burt start Burt's Bees? Because after he discovered Ernie, he lost all interest in birds.

Share These Birds And Bees Jokes With Friends




Birds And Bees One Liners

Which birds and bees one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with birds and bees? I can suggest the ones about bee and honey and birds nests.

  1. What's smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee
  2. I just told my kid about the birds and the bees He told me about his mom and the mailman
  3. What do, you call honey glazed chicken The birds and the bees

Birds And Bees Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about birds and bees you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boo bees jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make birds and bees pranks.

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.


"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.”

“Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Go down into the valley.”
“What’s a valley?” asked Adam.
God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.”
“What’s a river?”
God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”.
“What’s a hill?”
God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.”
“What’s a cave?”
After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
Adam asked, “What’s a woman?”
So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.”
“How do I do that?”
“Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He
liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the
cave where he found a woman.”
A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”

Daddy, what's s**...?

A man was in his backyard when his 8 year old daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
The man things for a minute and tell himself if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know, so he goes on and tells his daughter all about the birds and the bees.
Once he was done, his daughter was sitting there, wide eyed, while his wife yells from inside, "Honey, did you tell dad dinner will be ready in a couple of secs yet?"

The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

The Birds and the Bees

A boy hears weird noises coming from his parent's bedroom at night. In the morning he asks them what the noise was about last night. His dad replies, "son, we were making cake". The next morning, the son comes downstairs and excitedly asks his parents if they were making cake last night. His dad replies "well yes, how did you know?". The kid replies, "well dad, I licked the frosting off the bed."

Cow Childbirth

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

Not really a joke with a punchline but this is something i wrote when i was 15, freshman year of highschool which got me suspended for a week.

The teacher told us to pair up and write a short children's story. The impending disaster of this situation was exacerbated because my friend happened to be in the class and was as like minded as me. Here's as much as we could read before the teacher kicked us out:
>The birds were chirping, and the bees were buzzing. Inside the bedroom, Mr Lumberjack arose with his morning wood... then a tiny squirrel came upon the windowsill, mouth full, panting ecstatically, to which the Lumberjack greeted, "good morning Mr Squirrel, have you had your nuts this morning?"
The teacher immediately cut me off there and sent me to the principals office.

Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...

Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Why is it called extra v**... olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

Birds and the bees.

A little boy asks his father, "dad? I know what my private parts look like but what does a girl's look like?"
The dad, shocked by his sons question, thinks hard about his answer, "son" he says, "imagine a bright pink rose on a dewy morning."
The son ponders this then asks, "well what does it look like after s**...?"
The father chuckles, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

What is it when people sleep on top of each other?

Little Katy asked grandma 'what is it when people sleep on top of each other'
Grandma thinking Katy was old enough explained to her the birds and the bees.
Katy ran off but came back quickly saying:
"Grandma, mommy wants to see you right now and she is really mad! She said it is called bunk beds"
:)

When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."

My sister was getting curious...

My younger sister asked my dad: "What does the phrase 'the birds and the bees' mean?"
My dad replied, "Well, they have the same relationship that trees and flowers have."
"What is that supposed to mean?" my sister exclaimed, to which my dad replied:
"They both beat around the bush."

A dad walks in on his son m**....

"Son you can't be m**...."
"But why?" says his son.
Caught off guard the dad trys his best explaining without going into the whole birds and the bees.
A couple incidents later and much more explaning, the dad is still with no success. Finally the dads gives in and says to his son, "You can't be doing that, *it's not good for you*."
"But why?"
"Because son, you'll go blind!"
"Ah ok!" ths son replies. "I don't want that!"
Certain he finally took care of the problem, the dad is finally at peace
A couple days later the dad walks in once more. "Son, what did I tell you about doing that!?"
"I know dad, but I'll stop once I start needing glasses."

A concerned wife goes to her husband...

"Honey, I know we said we would wait to give our little girl the birds and the bees talk, but I think it's about time."
He inquiries as to why she thinks this. Their daughter, while almost a teen, is still rather young.
"Well, I caught her m**...."
"~~Prosperous~~ Preposterous!! She's barely old enough to start her period let alone do that"
"That's the other thing, honey, I caught her red handed..."

The birds and the bees

Little Johnny's father calls Johnny in for a chat, and tells him he is about to talk to him about the birds and the bees.
Johnny immediately burst into tears and starts bawling his eyes out.
"What is the matter?" asks the father
Somehow in between the tears johnny answers:
"When I turned 10 you called me in for a talk and told me that Easter bunny wasn't real.
Then when I turned 11, you called me in to tell me that Santa Claus isn't real.
And if you now tell me that s**... is not real too, I have nothing left to live for!"

Mom explained all about the birds and the bees when I was young,

Now I'm 39, and all I have is this empty hive with some eggs I laid a few years back in it.

A couple of secs

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about s**... from the streets."
So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, i**..., puberty and m**....
Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"
And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...
The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and s**...'?"
"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.

DAD: Johnny, do youy know about the birds and the bees?

Little Johnny (Bursting into tears): "I dont want to know!"
Father: "Whats wrong?"
LJ: Oh dad, first there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter bunny and finally no Tooth-Fairy. If you are about to tell me grown-ups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to beleive in!

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

[Possible OC] My dad just gave the birds and the bees speech to my 14 year old brother

I asked him, why didn't I get the speech when I was fourteen?
At this point I was sixteen and still haven't gotten it.
He said, You have natural protection.
I said, How so?
He said, Have you looked in a mirror recently?

Dad sat young Nic Cage down and told him they need to talk about the birds and the bees

Oooooh NO, NOT THE BEES, NOT THE BEES, AaaaaaHhH

Dracula was giving his son the birds and the bees talk.

Dracula: so when two monsters love each other very much,
Son: I know, they mash.
Drac: Yes! They do the monster mash!

Did you hear about the girl who learnt abot the birds and the bees?

She went for a lark in the woods and got stung!

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

Father and son are shopping in a grocery store and the son asks dad what are these for?

*pointing at the condoms*
Dad: oh well son, remember the birds and the bees? Well those are something you use for protection
Son: what's this 3 pack?
Dad: those are for high school kids, just getting starting.. 1 Friday, 1 Saturday and 1 Sunday
Son: this 6 back?
Dad: These are for college students.. 2 Friday, 2 Saturday, and 2 Sunday
Son: and these?
Dad: oh the 12 pack? These are very special. These are for married folks.. 1 January, 1 February, 1 March...

What is s**...?

An 8 year old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him, "Daddy, what is s**...?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.

Don't tell me about the Birds and the Bees

A father asked his ten year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. I don't want to know, the child said, bursting into tears. Promise me you won't tell me. The dad was perplexed. Why don't you want to know?
When I was six, I got the 'there's no Easter bunny speech.' When I was seven, I got the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with there being no Santa. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I have nothing to live for!

Why did you ask?

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is s**...?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her: "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied,"Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...

Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"

A man is working in the garden and his daughter runs up to him and asks him…

Dad, what's s**...?
He sits there and contemplates, and thinks that if his daughter is old enough to ask the question then she is ready for the answer.
He proceeds to tell her of the birds and the bees, love and how human biology works.
Why? He asks
Well, mum said dinner will be ready in two secs