birdie Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious birdie puns

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."

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Nakamushi! Nakamushi!

A businessman is on his first trip to Japan. To relax himself the night before his big meeting he gets a call girl. While he's banging her she keeps on screaming

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! which he assumes is a complement on his sexual prowess.

The next his meeting goes well and he's invited to play golf with the Japanese CEO. The CEO sinks a particular long putt for a birdie and the businessman thinks 'I'll impress him with some Japanese' so he applauds the CEO and says

Nakamushi! Nakamushi! But the CEO frowns at him and says

What do you mean 'Wrong hole! Wrong hole'?

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Little Birdie

A man was sunbathing at a nude beach one sunny afternoon when a little girl walks up to the man. The man immediately covers his genitals with a newspaper to shield the girl from looking at them.
"What's under there, Sir?" the naive little girl asks.
"It's my little birdie and he's trying to sleep," the man replies.
"Ok."
The man falls asleep as the girl walks away. He wakes up in the hospital with horrible pains in the pelvic region. He then sees the little girl and asks, "What happened?"
"I went back to get something to feed your little bird and you fell asleep, so I pet the bird and it spit at me so I SNAPPED IT'S NECK, SMASHED HIS EGGS, AND BURNED HIS NEST!!!"

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Little Girl

A man is lying on the beach, naked. I little girl approaches him and asks "Hey mister, what's that?" (She is pointing to his junk) the man replies "It's just a little birdie, now go away." The man falls asleep.

A few hours later the man wakes up in the hospital. The doctor asks"What happened to you?" The man replies "I don't know, all I remember is a little girls asking me about my junk and then leaving." They find the little girl.

The little girl says "I went to go play with the birdy, but it peed on me, so I ripped it's neck off, cracked it's eggs, and lit it's nest on fire."

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A man goes golfing

And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.

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A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfortune?" asked the priest.

"No father. It bounced off the power line and fell into the rough."

"Oh, so *then* you swore."

"No father, it bounced out of the rough and into the fairway, then fell into a sand trap."

"And you swore at that, eh?"

"No, father. Just then, a hawk swooped down and picked up the ball--thinking it was an egg, I suppose--and flew off with it."

"Astonishing! It's no wonder that you swore."

"Actually I didn't, father, I was speechless! But the hawk dropped the ball just a moment later, and it fell onto the green and rolled to within six inches of the hole..."

The priest was thoughtful for a moment.

"You missed the goddamned putt, didn't you?"

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Did you hear about the golf match between the black golfer and white golfer from South Africa?

Birdie on the last hole would have won the match for the black golfer, but a par tied.

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Why did Tiger Woods get arrested?

He shot a birdie off season.

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Golfer Kelly Kraft did something exceptional today

He managed to get a birdie and yet still missed the cut

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The dyslexic golfer was well on his way to a birdie until he hit a water fowl, killing the golf club's mascot.

No egrets

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What's the difference between a badminton birdie and 'Netflix & chill' on a microfiber couch?

One is a shuttlecock, the other's a cuddle shock

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Went golfing today. Hit a birdie on the 7th hole.

Blackbird I think.

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Why did the birdie go to the hospital?

He needed a tweetment.

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How many Seths does it take to rejigger a malflanΓ²se?

Less than a Birdie Bundle, I assure you!

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Why did the golfer's wife cheat on him?

She was looking for a man that could go longer than a birdie.

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What are the most funny Birdie jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Birdie? Well, here are the best Birdie dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Birdie pick up lines to share with friends.

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