bird Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bird puns

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

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A mummy calls a restauraunt.

- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

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If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

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If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A Swallow.

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My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

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What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken

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If a stork brings white babies and a crow brings black babies, what type of bird brings no babies?

A swallow

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A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird.

It scandinavian.

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If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control?

A swallow.

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What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

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What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.

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A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

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A man goes up to the leader of a circus

A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.

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If a white bird makes white babies and a black bird makes black babies, what bird makes no babies?

A swallow

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If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun..

I'd have toucans.

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A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.

It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.

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What's the difference between the USA and a bird?

On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.

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You know why birds sing in the mornings?

Because they don't have to go to fucking work

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What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An American drone.

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A blonde woman was trying to do a Jigsaw Puzzle

She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help.

She said "Can you help me finish this puzzle, Its supposed to be a Bird"

Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard"

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During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.

"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

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If a Norwegian robot...

If a Norwegian robot analyzes a bird, it Scandinavian.

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A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.

"Do I know you?" he asks.
She says, "Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?"
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my bucks night, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my ass?"
She stares at him and says, "No, I'm your daughters teacher!"

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Bird Impression

A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.

The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"

The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"

The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."

So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.

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A bear climbs a tree....

a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"

the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."

the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."

the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."

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What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics?

A hummingbird

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What is the national bird of Afghanistan?

US Drone

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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up.

But the bird was cool.

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2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!"

The other looked up.

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What's Afghanistan's National Bird?

An American drone.

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Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs?

In a communest

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My friend told me a stupid bird pun.

I replied, "Toucan play at this game."

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One bird can't make a pun.

But toucan.

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What kind of bird does not make babies?

A swallow

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Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?
What the fuck were they so excited about?

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What are the most funny Bird jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bird? Well, here are the best Bird dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bird pick up lines to share with friends.

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