Bird Jokes

152 bird jokes and hilarious bird puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about bird that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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jokes about bird

Best Short Bird Jokes

Short bird puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bird humour may include short budgie jokes also.

  1. My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
  2. What's heavier, a ton of brick or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
  3. My daughters favorite joke... What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
    One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.
  4. What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? The feathers.
    Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
  5. God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy! worm: Thanks for the worm welcome
    God: *creates birds*
  6. My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
  7. What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird.
  8. A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken. It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
  9. What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
  10. What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.
Bird joke, What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bird can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bird puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Bird One Liners

Which bird one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bird? I can suggest the ones about flies and deer.

  1. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
  2. No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
  3. What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
  4. One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops... ...but Toucan.
  5. What do you call a flying nun? A bird? A plane?
    Nope, nun of the above
  6. A Norweigan robot analyzed a bird. It scandinavian.
  7. What's the national bird of Syria A US drone
  8. If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
  9. What is the national bird of Pakistan? An American drone.
  10. What do you call a bird who never remembers song lyrics? A hummingbird
  11. What is the national bird of Afghanistan? US Drone
  12. I dated a couple of anorexic girls once. Two birds, one stone.
  13. What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone.
  14. Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
  15. One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.

Bird Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny bird day jokes and even better bird day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.
  • My wife came to me, and handed me a bird. Then told me happy caique day!
  • I was arrested the other day for keeping a sick bird of prey. Turns out it was ill eagle
  • I understand wanting to celebrate 11 additional days of Christmas for a total of 12... But all I can ever think about is some poor woman out there got 23 unwanted birds.
  • Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation
  • I gave my parrot Lidocaine.... The doctor says his days are numb bird.
  • I walked down the street the other day and saw a man feeding the birds Wonder how long he's been dead
  • What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? Let me call you Tweet heart!
  • My wife complains that she keeps putting on weight. "But I eat like a bird!" she cries. It's true. She eats half her own weight in sugar syrup every day.
  • One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
    A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."

Dead Bird Jokes

Here is a list of funny dead bird jokes and even better dead bird puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
  • I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself... "i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"
  • Two blondes were walking in a park ...when one of them said: "Look, a dead bird!" The other one looked up in the sky and asked "where?"
  • A dead bird A blonde was walking with her father, when her father said "look! It's a dead bird! That's so sad!"
    The blonde then quickly looked up in the sky and said "Where?"
  • A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!
    The blonde gazes up into the air says where?
  • A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street when the brunette says, Aww… look a dead bird.
    The blonde looks up at the sky and says, Where? …
  • I was walking through the park I saw an old man feeding some birds I thought to myself "I wonder how long he's been dead"
  • Today I saw an old man feeding the birds. He must have been dead three hours at least.
  • Walking through the park one morning, I saw an old man feeding the birds. After a few minutes of watching him, I began to wonder... long has he been dead?
  • Selling a dead bird Not going cheep

Swallow Bird Jokes

Here is a list of funny swallow bird jokes and even better swallow bird puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If a blue bird has blue babies And a red bird has red babies
    What bird has no babies?
  • If storks deliver white babies and blackbirds deliver black babies, what bird delivers no babies? Swallows.
  • Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies? Swallows...
  • If black birds have black babies and blue birds have blue babies, what kind of birds have no babies? Swallows.
  • Who are the prostitutes of the bird world? Swallows
  • If one stork brings one baby and two storks brings two babies, what bird brings no babies? Two swallows.
  • If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A s**...
  • If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies? A s**....
  • If a stork is the bird that brings babies, then what is the bird that prevents babies? A s**...
  • If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control? A s**....

Toucan Bird Jokes

Here is a list of funny toucan bird jokes and even better toucan bird puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My brother started making terrible bird puns to annoy me... But toucan play at that game
  • How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb? Ideally three but toucan.
  • My friend was harassing me with bird puns But toucan play at that game.
  • No one bird can eat a bowl of fruit loops... But toucan!
    (First post here, hope you like it.)
  • One exotic bird can't take over the word on its own But toucan
  • A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realised toucan play at that game
  • How many birds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Toucan
  • Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together? Well I won't explain now, it's toucan fusing.
  • What does a bird say when it wants revenge? Toucan play at that game!
  • How many birds can play tic-tac-toe? Toucan
Bird joke, How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Witty Bird Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about bird you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean frog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bird prank.

So there's this man with a parrot.

And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

The birds and the bees

A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"

The Pope is sick.

Apparently the Pope resigned because he was sick with bird flu. He got it from a Cardinal.

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

What kind of STD does a bird get?

Chirpies. :-)

What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?

Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. i**... is a sick bird.

Bird Impression

A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.
The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"
The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"
The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."
So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.

A man goes up to the leader of a circus

A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.

Sick Lemon and Sick Bird

What do you give a sick bird?
What do you give a sick lemon?

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
I'll see myself out.

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'.
i'm sorry.

Dad: "A little bird told me you are doing drugs"

Son: "You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"

Where does a russian bird sleep?


The man at the circus.

A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.
Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?
I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.
Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.
Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

Three mathematicians go hunting.

As they are out hunting, they see a bird. The numerical analyst fires, but misses to the left. The applied mathematician fires and misses to the right. The statistician shouts out, "We hit it!"

A blonde woman was trying to do a Jigsaw Puzzle

She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help.
She said "Can you help me finish this puzzle, Its supposed to be a Bird"
Her husband replied "Put the Froot Loops back in the Cupboard"

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

A bear climbs a tree....

a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."

Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly l**... the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

A mummy calls a restauraunt.

- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.

The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."

What kind of bird does not make babies?

A s**...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment!!!!

The early bird might get the worm, but

The second mouse *always* gets the cheese

What is the most popular novel in Mexico?

Tequila mocking bird

My friend told me a s**... bird pun.

I replied, "Toucan play at this game."

The bird of Love is the dove, but what's the bird of true love?

A s**...

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up.

But the bird was cool.

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

Wife: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

Me: Well, it has to do with the original animal vectors and -
Wife: No! For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population?

It's called Chirpies.
What's most heartbreaking about it is that it's...

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird?

It Scandanavian

The US Military today confirmed that two m**... users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

California Condor

A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."

If a stork delivers babies what bird prevents them?

A s**....

So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..

His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?

Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds

Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden.

I think they are velcrows

What do you get when you have s**... with a bird?

It's a canarial disease.
It's untweetable.

What did the bird say to the price tag?

(As told to me this morning by my 7 year old son. He was quite proud of the joke.)

Man bought a gun.

A few days later, the man goes to his therapist for a regular check-up.
Therapist: "why did you buy a gun? Do you feel unsafe in society or...?"
Man: "I got a gun because of my bird phobia"
Therapist: "I think you might be getting carried away"
Man: *firing into the ceiling* "Not without a fight!"

How I lost my Teeth

I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this b**... ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome
I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.
So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!
My dental surgery is this Friday!.

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.

They asked "so what's your special talent?"
I said "I do bird impressions!"
They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!"
I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A s**...

A man buys a parrot and brings him home.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

What do you call a flying priest?

A bird of pray

What do you call a 12-sided platonic solid that loosely resembles an extinct flightless bird?

A dododecahedron

What's the difference between unlawful and i**...?

Unlawful means against the law, while the other is a sick bird

I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face...

when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.

Bird joke, I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face...

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bird jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.