Bird Cage Jokes

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in d**......

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to p**..., 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
p**... and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.
At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
p**... watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, p**... shakes his head and says, f**... dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too f**...'n dangerous for me!'

A woman walks into a pet store..

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

As a burglar breaks into a house, he hears a voice say "Jesus can see you"

A burglar breaks into a house and heads for where he thinks the valuables are kept. Then he hears a voice say, I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!
He freezes in his tracks! He doesn't move a muscle! A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!
He slowly takes out his flashlight, switches it on, and looks around the room. He sees a bird cage with a parrot in it. Did you say that? he asks the parrot.
The parrot says again, I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!
Hah! So what? You're just a parrot! says the burglar.
I may be just a parrot, replies the parrot. But Jesus is a Doberman!

Jesus is watching you.

=
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

A burglar broke into a house

=
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

A man buys a parrot...

And after bringing it home, he discovers it has the filthiest mouth. It constantly swears, racial epithets, dirty jokes, the whole lot! It embarrasses the man to no end. He keeps trying to train the bird, but it doesn't listen, just cackles back at him.
In a rage, he finally throws the bird in the freezer and closes the door. The bird squawks once, then goes very quiet. The man waits a minute, then opens the door. The bird looks sorry, so he puts it back in the cage.
"I'm terribly sorry for my earlier behavior, I assure you that I won't be speaking as such anymore," the bird apologizes. "On a related note, what did the chicken do?"

Live Commentary on l**...

A couple purchased a talking parrot on their honeymoon, much to the groom's annoyance, since the bird did a running commentary on their l**.... The groom finally threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if it didn't quit.
The next morning, packing to return home, the newlyweds couldn't close a large suitcase.
"Honey," the groom said, "you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success. Then the man said, "Let's both get on top and try."
At that point, the parrot yanked away the towel and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I've got to see!"

So a woman walks into a pet store...

and sees a parrot on sale for 50 bucks. Now, a parrot is a pretty expensive bird, so she asks the man behind the counter why the bird was on sale, and he tells her; "Well the bird used to live in a brothel, so sometimes it says some pretty v**... things." The woman thinks for a minute, and says, "I guess that's fine. I'll take him". So she brings the bird home and sets its cage up near the front door. When he knows what's going on he says, "new house, new madame!" The woman thinks to herself, "it came from a brothel, so I guess it's just learning". The woman's daughters get home from school and the bird says, "new house, new girls, new madame!". "It will just take time" she thinks. Then the woman's husband gets home and the bird says, "hi Jeff!"

The Burglar

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"Jesus is watching you," went the voice loudly again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes," said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a s**... name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."