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Biologist Jokes

125 biologist jokes and hilarious biologist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about biologist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out our selection of biologist jokes that scientists, marine biologists, botanists and microbiologists will find amusing. Be sure to read our funny scientific jokes ready to make everyone giggle.

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Funniest Biologist Short Jokes

Short biologist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The biologist humour may include short botanist jokes also.

  1. Two biologists get married and have twin girls. They name one Jessica and the other Control.
  2. Why do cellular biologists never agree with mathematicians? For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
  3. How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom? A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.
  4. What did the biologist's sister say to her sister after she dropped a beaker on her foot... mitosis
  5. What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist? Cultural appropriation.
  6. Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians? Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same
  7. I once dated a biologist. I don't like to brag, but I always provided her with multiple organisms to keep her happy.
  8. My biologist girlfriend was making competent cells at the lab today... I asked if they were very sure of them cells.
  9. What do you call a biologist that likes to be shamed & humliated in the bedroom? Biodegradable
  10. Say what you will about molecular biologists... But they sure know how to appreciate the little things in life.

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Biologist One Liners

Which biologist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with biologist? I can suggest the ones about geologist and physicist.

  1. What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.
  2. What does a Native American Biologist live in? ATP
  3. How does a good marine biologist work? With a-fish-in-sea
  4. What do you call when Biologists go to church? Biomass
  5. What does a biologist wear on a first date? Designer Genes
  6. What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? "It's a Moray."
  7. Why was the white biologist considered racist? Because he wanted to preserve his culture
  8. My dad wanted me to be a Marine Biologist... But, I'm too old to join the military.
  9. What did the biologist name his daughter? Anne Atomy
  10. Why are Biologists so obsessed with their own feet? It's always Mitosis, Mitos-that
  11. How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
  12. Im a Marine Biologist My Field of study is the naval infantry
  13. A biologist had twin daughters Named the first one Alice, and the second Control.
  14. What happened to the biologist who swallowed mosquito larvae? She pupaed her pants.
  15. A physicist and a biologist had a bit of a relationship. But there wasn't any chemistry.

Marine Biologist Jokes

Here is a list of funny marine biologist jokes and even better marine biologist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together. They call it an orca-stra.
  • Marine Biologists discovered a fish that can clean all the plastics in the ocean. It's called a Plastic Sturgeon. It will change the face of the ocean.
  • From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?" The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...
  • My Marine Biologist friend was so excited about her job. She said she's found her life porpoise.
  • What do a marine biologist and a drunk girl have in common? They're both worried about the seal!
  • I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season? He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
  • Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs. Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.
  • What did the skeptical marine biologist say before her first day of work? I think I'm just gonna test the waters...
  • What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags it's tale, the other tags a whale.
  • I was thinking of dating this girl I met. She's an marine biologist who works on a submarine. But between you and me, I think she's a little out of my league.

Molecular Biologist Jokes

Here is a list of funny molecular biologist jokes and even better molecular biologist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the molecular biologist say to their SO who also happened to be a molecular biologist? You need to stop thinking about nuclei and start thinking about nucleus
  • What did the molecular biologist say when he showed his lab a magic trick? "TATA!"
  • Why did the molecular biologist not like his bacon? He preferred it a little Crispr
  • I once met a molecular biologist. His name's Gene.
Biologist joke, I once met a molecular biologist.

Biologist joke, I once met a molecular biologist.

Ridiculous Biologist Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about biologist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean biology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make biologist pranks.

A chemist and a biologist walk into a bar...

The chemist calls over the bartender and says, "I'll have an H2O please." The bartender nods and looks at the biologist. "I'll have an H2O too."
The biologist died.

Science Joke

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."

2 people walk into a building...

and 3 come out. A logistician says "There must have already been a person in the building". A biologist says "They must have reproduced", and a mathematician says "There are now negative one people in the building"

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...

...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician...

...is sitting at a café watching the building across the road. They see one person entering the main door, and soon after, two persons leaving the building.
"Ah! They must have reproduced in there!" says the biologist.
"Nah, there must have been some error in our first measurement" says the physicist.
"If one person enters now", says the mathematician, "the building will be empty!".

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe...

A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.
The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."
The biologist says: "they reproduced."
The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...

Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are observing an empty house.

They see a man walk into the house. An hour later, two men walk out of the house.
The physicist says, "There must have been an error when measuring the number of people entering the house!"
The biologist says, "The man must have somehow reproduced!"
The mathematician says, "There are now -1 people in the house."

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

An engineer, a biologist and a mathematician are watching a bar

As they watch, two people enter.
Later, three people leave.
The engineer says, "There was someone in there before."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters there will be nobody left in the bar."

The difference between a crow and a raven.

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their habitat and logging hours of observations. Their beaks were the same, their feet and their bodies showed no variable difference. But, at last, a breakthrough. The long feathers at the tip of a birds wings, the pinion feathers, provided the conclusion that ravens and crows differ. A raven has four pinion feathers and a crow has five pinion feathers. So........................... The difference between ravens and crows is a matter of a pinion.

A physicist, a biologist, a programmer, and a mathematician ....

are sitting at a café across from an empty building.
They observe two people enter and then, later, three leave.
The physicist says, "Apparently there was some error with our measurements."
The biologist says, "Obviously, they reproduced while in the building."
The mathematician opines, "If now one more were to enter the building, it would again be empty."
And then the programmer replies "they must've used a b**...".

I witnessed a m**... today...

Though it may have just been a flock of jackdaws, I'm not a biologist.

Two biologists are discussing a new book on amphibians...

Biologist 1: What did you think of the chapter on frogs?
Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician sit at a bench in a park

They see a man walk into a shed. 10 minutes later, two people walk out.
The biologist says "It was reproduction",
the physicist says "It must be bad data",
but the mathematician doesn't say anything.
A few minutes later, someone else walks in the shed.
The mathematician goes "Ok, *now* nobody is in the shed"

A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...

Three scientists visit the beach, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

Biologists have jokes too

Biologist: What's the quickest way to determine the s**... of a chromosome?
Dan: I don't know.
Biologist: Pull down its genes. ^^^^get ^^^^it?

I recently had s**... with a biologist at her laboratory.

I don't like to brag, but she had multiple organisms.

Marine Biologists

A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house

They watch as two people walk in, and a while later three people walk out.
"The initial measurement was incorrect," says the physicist.
"They must have reproduced," says the biologist.
"If exactly one person goes in, the house will be empty," says the mathematician.

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"

A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.

They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"

Recycling is important...

I went to the bar last night. I saw two rather large ladies having a great time. They seemed to be speaking in an Irish accent. I sauntered over and asked them
"Are you ladies from Ireland?"
They responded, "It's Wales, you idiot!"
I apologized immediately and said
"Are you whales from Ireland?" I don't remember much after that.
I woke up as a marine biologist!

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...

The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"

A biologist, a chemist and a physicist are at the beach.

The biologist is enthralled by the biodiversity of the ocean and walks into the sea, never to be seen again.
The physicist is enthralled by the complexity of fluid mechanics and walks into the sea, never to be seen again.
The chemist makes a simple observation.
"Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

What did the whale say to the diver?

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to the marine biologist?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to my wife?
"Hey; you should lose weight."

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were monitoring a house...

They saw one person walk in, but several months later they saw two walk out.
The biologist said: "They must've reproduced!"
The physicist said: "It must be a calculation error"
The mathematician said: "If one more walks in, the house will be empty"

A biologist is sent to prison,

The first words he says to his cell mate, "I am the mitochondria."

The law of averages

A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
They spot a deer and the biologist shoots and misses left by three feet. The chemist shoots and misses right three feet. The statistician shouts "WE HIT IT !"

The House Problem

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house.
The physicist says, The initial measurement wasn't accurate.
The biologist counters, They must have reproduced.
Finally, the mathematician suggests, If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again.

Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?

They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.
Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, s**... rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.

A biologist gives birth ...........

A biologist gives birth to a set of twins. She names one Jessica and the other Control.

Did you know biologist James Watson was a foot fetishist?

His favorite s**... act was double heel licks.

Did you hear about the white biologist stealing a petri dish from his black colleague?

It was a case of cultural appropriation.

Never go to a party where a scientist is doing the cooking.

If they're a physicist, everything will come out underdone because they'll have assumed a closed energy system.
If they're a biologist, you'll never actually get to eat anything because they'll insist on first feeding it to the cat, waiting a year, feeding it to your neighbour, and then waiting another year.
And if they're a chemist, they'll follow the recipe perfectly, but insist on doing everything ten times to avoid random error.

Following US politics is like watching a mad biologist at work.

You can see an orange going bananas right before your eyes.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting in a street cafe watching a house across the street.

They notice two people entering the house and, after a while, three people leaving the house.
"The measurement wasn't accurate!", says the physicist.
"They must have reproduced!", says the biologist.
The mathematician says, "Should one more person enter the house, then it will be empty."

Why did the biologist lock himself in jail with an engineer, a physicist and a medical doctor?

Because he wanted to work with STEM Cells

Some sea mammals sleep with half their brain in deep sleep and the other half wide awake

This was developed as an evolutionary mechanism for survival, but biologists have documented a similar mechanism in workers at the DMV

A chemist, a biologist, and a statistician are out hunting...

The chemist spots a deer and takes a shot at it, but misses by 5 feet to the left. The biologist then fires but misses by 5 feet to the right. The statistician then proclaims "We got 'em!"

Nautilus

Two succesful marine biologists come back from their recent expedition, near the seas of Indonesia.
Biologist 1: You won't believe our results. We documented so many different types of fish, including a lot of nautiluses.
Biologist 2: It's not a lie.

A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...

They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."

A Texas Biologist

A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

A biologist specialized in bovine e**... found a specimen and exclaimed

"This is b**...!"

What did the biologist say when his sister asked him what his favorite part of his foot was?

Mitosis

A Mathematician, a Biologist, and a Physicist...

are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologist: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

What do you call an evolutionary biologist that doesn't like people?

An Antisocial Darwinist

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.
The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book. He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water"

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!
The other scientist asks, how.
She responds with a CD,
By making them listen to my mixtape!

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist.

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting on a Starbucks patio across from an abandoned building when a car pulls up, and two people get out and enter the building.
A few minutes go by, three people exit the building, get into the car and drive off.
"Hmm," says the physicist, "our original count must have been inaccurate."
"Ahh," says the biologist, "they must have reproduced!"
"Aha!" says the mathematician, "now if exactly one person enters the building, it will be empty again!"

A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by n**...

The n**... had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The n**... aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The n**... turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the n**....
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the n**... turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the n**... aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells We got 'em!

A meteorologist, a biologist, and a mathematician are eating breakfast.

They are sitting on a hill overlooking an office building which has just opened for the day. As they eat, they see 100 business people enter and 101 exit.
The meteorologist says, "Well within my margin of error".
The biologist says, "I suppose one of them gave birth".
The mathematician says, "That building currently contains -1 people."

Biologist joke, A meteorologist, a biologist, and a mathematician are eating breakfast.

jokes about biologist