Binoculars Jokes
45 binoculars jokes and hilarious binoculars puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about binoculars that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Binoculars Short Jokes
Short binoculars jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The binoculars humour may include short telescope jokes also.
- My Neighbor is purified of me Wait, not purified. Petrified. She's petrified. It's hard to read a diary through these binoculars.
- John buys binoculars and shows it to Bob. "Bob, this is the coolest thing ever. Last night I saw you doing you wife" You can return it, it's broken. Last night I was out of town
- So I had been seeing this girl for awhile... And things were going really good at first.
But then I lost my binoculars. - Just like his father, Kim Jong Un takes a binocular wherever he goes. For proper gander purposes.
- I've been seeing this girl for a while, but I had to drop her Someone stole my pair of binoculars
- I've just spotted a man ..standing on the corner of my street looking through two toilet rolls.
I have absolutely no idea what he's up to.
If only these binoculars were real..... - I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer. I saw it clearly through my binoculars.
- If my neighbors are gonna get angry every time I see them... why did I even buy the binoculars?
- My neighbour is singing under the shower again. Luckily, i can't hear her through my binoculars.
- My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker At least that's what I think she wrote in her diary... binoculars are hard to read through
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Binoculars One Liners
Which binoculars one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with binoculars? I can suggest the ones about eye glass and lenses.
- If you believe binoculars are overrated, then look no further.
- You've heard of gaydar! Now get ready for Bi-noculars
- What do you call a Hispanic with binoculars? Puerto-Recon.
- I was charged $200 just to see a doctor And I don't even get to keep the binoculars
- I was seeing a girl once ...until my binoculars broke
- A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into a bar Wow, these are great binoculars!
- I tried to rob a binoculars store today... But they saw me coming a mile away
- What is the egg doing with binoculars? Something egg-sighting
- Roses are red... ...my binoculars are blue. Your blinds are open. I'm watching you.
- Why did Joseph Goebbels own a pair of binoculars? For proper gander purposes.
- Went to the binocular shop today Boy did they see me coming.
- What is the singular form of binoculars? telescope
- My future is so bright..... I need night vision binoculars
- Yo' Mama is so s**..., she thinks her binoculars are opera glasses.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Binoculars Jokes
What funny jokes about binoculars you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sunglasses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make binoculars pranks.
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
Doc Brown and Marty McFly travel back in time to Northern England in 1298
They park behind the bushes near a field, just in time to see two armies about to clash.
"This is the Battle of Falkirk, Marty." says Doc, handing him a pair of binoculars.
Marty watches a man leading the charge into battle and asks, "Who's that guy in the face paint?"
With a tear in his eye, Doc replies "A Great Scot."
Bridge blown up
During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.
Lord Williams turns to his butler
Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a f**...."
"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones
"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams
A woman put on some clothes and walked out to her garden and saw a man in her tree.
"What on earth is going on here?" she asked.
The man replied, "I'm every so sorry, madam. An awfully embarrassing incident has happened here. I'm a skydiving instructor, the landing didn't go as I'd expected."
The woman frowned, and said, "But there's no parachute...and why are you holding binoculars?"
"How else do you expect me to find my parachute?" he asked.
Two cowboys
were riding along when one of them sees something in the distance. He looks through his binoculars and says to his travelling partner:
"Hey, Jim! Two indians are riding towards us!"
"Hmmm, are they friends? Or...enemies?
"Well, Jim...I think they are friends. They are riding together..."
How to catch an elephant
You need a boring book, a pair of binoculars, a pair of tweezers, and a beer bottle.
First, read the boring book until you fall asleep. When an elephant comes along he will look over your shoulder and read the book, and because it's so boring he will fall asleep too. So then you wake up! Now look at the elephant through the wrong end of the binoculars, grab him with the tweezers, and put him in the beer bottle.
Two friends lived in houses across from each each other
One day they were talking and the first friend said: "I'm gonna give you curtains for your birthday"
- "Why curtains?"
- "So I don't have to see you doing your wife all the time"
- "Ah well, I'm gonna give you binoculars for your birthday"
- "Um, why binoculars?"
- "Well, so you can see who's wife I'm doing"
This girl I was seeing said she needed some space, so I gave it to her.
It gets a bit boring sitting in my car with binoculars, though.
I love spending time with girls..
its unfortunate i have to do it from a bush with binoculars
