Bills Jokes
170 bills jokes and hilarious bills puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bills that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Did you know that bills can be funny too? This article explores the many ways that the different types of bills we have to pay for, such as energy bills, medical bills, and dollar bills, can give us a good laugh. We'll look at the different perspectives of payers and payees when it comes to managing and dealing with bills and paychecks, as well as how currency can offer a humorous outlook on the concept of bills. Let's talk about Buffalo Bills jokes and discuss how to see the funny side of bills.
Quick Jump To
- Short Bills Jokes
- Bills One Liners
- Paying Bills Jokes
- Medical Bills Jokes
- Energy Bills Jokes
- Buffalo Bills Jokes
- More Bills Jokes
Funniest Bills Short Jokes
Short bills jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bills humour may include short electric bill jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGates.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
- Policeman: You're going to prison for forgery. Me: *Slides him a $37 bill*. What about now?
- My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick? Put it on my bill
- My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
- I found a bundle of dollar bills in the street. As a devout Christian, I asked myself, What would Jesus do? So I turned it into wine.
- Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
---- - Yesterday I found a 20 dollar bill on the street. I was told to do the same thing Jesus would have done. So I took it and turned it into wine.
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Bills One Liners
Which bills one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bills? I can suggest the ones about gas bill and water bill.
- Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don't remember the rest.
- What's Mitch McConnell's favorite movie? Kill Bill.
- What do you call a christmas wreath made out of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins
- Bill and Melinda Gates woke up today and said... May divorce be with you.
- Why did Bill Barr gas protestors? So the chicken could cross the road
- What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.
- Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked
- Bill Cosby is going to have a new show Women Say the Darndest Things
- My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby's biography... But it put her to sleep.
- Do you know why bill clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica
- "You look like a million bucks", said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.
- I once made a belt out of $100 bills Turns out it was just a waist of money
- How does a girl greet Bill Cosby on their 2nd date? "Nice to meet you"
- There is only one thing I don't like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant The bill
- Bill Gates to Melinda: "I'll never cheat on you again." "I give you my Word."
Paying Bills Jokes
Here is a list of funny paying bills jokes and even better paying bills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [First Date] Her: I'm usually attracted to men with power. Me: That's great, I always pay my electric bill on time.
- I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill... These are the darkest days of my life...
- My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill. I sent him a Get well soon card
- My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore... ...so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
- The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill
- My doctor gave me three months to live When I told him I wouldn't be able to come up with the money to pay the bill by then, he gave me three more.
- A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner… When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
- In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of our lives.
- Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill? Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.
- A black guy and a white guy each drink 3 beers at a bar, who pays the bill? They each pay for their own because men aren't complicated
Medical Bills Jokes
Here is a list of funny medical bills jokes and even better medical bills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
- After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it. - Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction. They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
- Why do Jews make the best doctors? Because if they give you six months to live and you can't afford to pay your medical bills before then they'll give you another six months.
- Why does Bill Gates make for a terrible medical expert? Because he can't get rid of viruses in Microsoft either.
- Medical bills are expensive but let's take comfort that it isn't like the civil war era. Doctors would charge an arm and a leg back than
- A doctor was fixing his grammar on medical bills when he noticed something random. a posture fee.
- my doctor gave me 2 months to live when i told him i wouldnt be able to pay off my medical bills by then, he gave me another 2 months
- My medical bills are so high That I got a thank you card from my Doctors kids' colleges
- My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it... Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.
Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof.
Energy Bills Jokes
Here is a list of funny energy bills jokes and even better energy bills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With great power Comes a massive energy bill
- What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage? The energy bill ...
- Go green and cut your energy bills in half! install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it
- Why does Jewish pay less for the energy bill? Because they use the free gas
Buffalo Bills Jokes
Here is a list of funny buffalo bills jokes and even better buffalo bills puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Even though we're nearing the 100th year anniversary of Buffalo Bill's death... ...can we still call it bison-tennial?
- I had a Bison steak at a restaurant recently. When I finished, I asked the waiter for the buffalo bill.
- On the Red Carpet Reporter: "Who are you wearing?"
Buffalo Bill: "I'm so glad you asked." - Kelvin Benjamin was traded to the Buffalo Bills yesterday. Before his first game he asks, what's the temperature outside? It's zero degrees, Kelvin.
- Why were Ru Paul and Buffalo Bill at the park? They were at a Tucker family reunion.
- Happy New Year Buffalo Bills fans! Hope you all have a great 20-19!
- 'My ex was a real material girl.' - Buffalo Bill
- what do you get when you cross a bison with a duck? buffalo bill
- What did the overweight woman say to Buffalo Bill when she woke up? I can't feel my face when I'm with you...
- Did you hear Buffalo Bill reformed and is now a pick up artist and skin care specialist? He puts the lotion in the basket and then he gets the h**... again
Cheerful Bills Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about bills you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dollar bill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bills pranks.
What do you call a woman who throws all her bills on the fire......
Bernadette
This is an awfully hard time for me financially.
Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Ethics done right
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"
A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills.
No change is expected.
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
A man's father has just passed...
The son is arranging the f**... and talks to the mortician about his father's remains. He says "I know we don't have much money, but I want the best for my father. Please do what you can".
A week after the f**..., the mortician presents the son with a bill for $50. Thinking it to be very reasonable, the son pays the bill. The next week, the son gets another $50 bill from the mortician. He pays that as well.
A week later low and behold a third bills comes to the son for $50. The son calls the mortician and says "The f**... was 3 weeks ago, why am I still getting this $50 bill?" "You wanted the best for your father", the mortician says, "so I rented him a tux".
I fondly remember my dad telling me this one, but i never understood it until recently.
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
A lawyer is about to go home for the night...
...when a client shows up, asking for his council. The lawyer decides to stay late and work with the client. Afterwards, the client asks how much he owes for the lawyer's time.
"One hundred dollars," the lawyer responds.
The client pays him and walks out, at which point the lawyer realizes it's two hundred dollar bills stuck together. This leaves the lawyer with a moral dilemma...
Does he tell his partner?
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
I went to the bank with my Dad...
because he had to get some cash. The teller asked if he wanted large bills or small bills, and my Dad replied "aren't all bills the same size here?"
Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?
They're always looking for Grant money.
I came into a lot of money today.
But now the bills are all stuck together :(
A man walks into a grocery store
After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill
A man counterfeits $18 bills...
...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
Lawyers' Ethical Dilemma
When a client gives you two hundred dollar bills stuck together from the bank machine to pay a $100 bill, do you tell your law partner?
If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?
These hospital bills are killing me!
I'm starting to think buying a hospital wasn't such a good idea.
Mistake
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
I recently came into a large sum of money
Now all the bills are sticking together
Wife and i need a vacation.
So my wife and i needed a vacation, however didn't have the money. So my wife suggests that for one year every time we have s**... we put $20 in a jar, at the end of the year we use the moeny to pay for a trip. A year goes by and we decide to count the money.. I count it and tell the wife we have $1200, but then i ask her i thought we agreed to only put $20 in the jar, why are there $50 and $100 bills? My wife replied, not everyone is as cheap as you!!!
What do you call a circle of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins!
(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)
Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the new $20 bill...
Unfortunately those bills will only be worth $12 now.
What do you call a belt made of dollar bills?
A waist of money.
Why is Monica Lewinsky so poor
Because she's always blowing bills
What does a Bills fan do when they win the superbowl?
He turns off his xbox.
Just moved out on my own and am doing really well...
All my bills say im outstanding
My father died recently and I came into a bunch of money. I decided to buy a car and pay cash...
and the man at the dealership asked me, "Why are all these bills so sticky?!"
If you bought a toupee for your friend Bill on a 4 month payment plan...
You'd have four bills to pay for Bill's toupee.
Why women live longer than men?
Because shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying bills does.
The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...
I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"
When I was younger, I was afraid of the dark.
Now I see the electric bills, and became afraid of the light.
I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously...
Needless to say, I was shocked.
I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time.
I was shocked.
What do you call a musical wreath made from $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
Why are ducks always sad?
Because of their bills
Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation
Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
My rich uncle just passed away so I recently came into some money
But now the bills are all stuck together
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
I once got into so much debt
I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
Which 3 US bills have to do with s**... harassment of women?
Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton
With great power comes great...
electricity bills
To the person who lost a huge roll of $100 bills wrapped with an elastic band
I found your elastic band.
I broke some letters off my keyboard last night
My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.
The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."
The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.
The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.
The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"
I named my Christmas decoration made of $100 dollar bills
Aretha Franklin
A blonde goes to a blood bank to earn a little money to pay the bills...
She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the s**... bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"
What do dinosaurs use to pay their bills?
Tyrannosaurus Checks
With great power comes great responsibility ...
To pay your power bills
I made a belt out of $20 bills.
It's a waist of money.
Why do Hanzo players have such high electric bills?
They never switch off.
The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today.
No wonder my water bills are so high.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of 100 dollar bills?
Awreatha Franklin!
My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.
I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.
How does the Aussie Chessmaster pay his bills?
Checkmate
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
I've invented a machine that prints money.
I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents.
A man noticed another man throwing 50 dollar bills into a drain
What are you doing?!! He asked.
I accidentally dropped a dollar down there the man responded.
So why are you throwing even more money in?
There's no way I am going to crawl down there for just a dollar
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'
What kind of pictures does Shaun Connery take?
Shelfies
alt. What kind of pictures do fish take?
Shellfies
alt. What do hermit c**... call their utility bills?
Shell Fees
alt. Why did my wife leave me?
h**...
A man was hospitalized after eating $10,000 in small bills
As of today, there was no change
I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends.
They can't pay their water bills.
A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.
He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"
I was scared of the dark when i was a kid...
Now im afraid of the lights because of the electricity bills.
If you think no one cares about you...
Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.
A guy goes into a bar for a drink
He orders a beer and a beautiful woman walks up to him and says, "hey, for $300 bucks I'll do anything you want . . . Anything. "
He raises an eyebrow and replies "anything?"
She nods "anything!"
He pulls out his wallet excitedly and removes 3 crisp $100 bills and gives it to her. Then he says "paint my house."
Has anyone lost a large roll of 20-dollar bills in a rubber band?
Because we found the rubber band
The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC
Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"
Doctor gave me 6 months to live
Couldn't pay my bills. He gave me another 6 months.
To the person who lost the stack of dollar bills
I have your rubberband
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...
"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"
How did the mortician get the money to pay his bills?
He urned it.
Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website
I think I should start uploading my bills.
John, Bob, Tim, and Scott rob a bank.
John is the getaway driver who waits in the lot. Bob disables the alarms, Tim unlocks the safe, and Scott is able to locate the marked bills. Bob and Tim leave the bank and John drives them away.
They got off Scott-free.
Imagine making a belt out of a bunch of $100 bills tied together
That would be a huge waist of money.
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
The doctor gave me 2 weeks to live.
I couldn't pay my Bills so he gave me 2 more.
