Billionaire Jokes
96 billionaire jokes and hilarious billionaire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about billionaire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Billionaire Short Jokes
Short billionaire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The billionaire humour may include short millionaire jokes also.
- A 60 year old billionaire walks into a bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife Friend: How did she marry you?
Billionaire: I lied about my age
Friend: You said 45?
Billionaire: No! I said 90! - What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel? I'd like a room on the first floor, please.
- I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..." My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"
I said "no, he also wished he was..." - With the help of my wife I am officially a millionaire. Before I met her I was a billionaire.
- How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero? Three. Two to get murdered and one to never get over it.
- As a billionaire I tried enter a club for billionaires, but was refused the entrance. "Is it because I'm a black billionaire?!", asked I furiously. "No, it's because you're a Zimbabwean billionaire"
- What is the fastest way to become a millionaire? Step 1: become a billionaire.
Step 2: buy an EA game. - Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire 6 months ago I was a billionaire.
- A woman was telling her friend , "I helped my husband become a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?"
"A billionaire." - The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are, Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?
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Billionaire One Liners
Which billionaire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with billionaire? I can suggest the ones about rich guy and businessman.
- How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
Step Two: Short sell $GME - When can women make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire.
- Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
Credits to Kevin Hart - What do you call a billionaire who commits crimes after sunset? Felon Dusk.
- What does a sick billionaire say? "I feel like a million bucks"
- Billionaire throws a party for the whole town
- How To Become a Millionaire: Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.
- How do you become a millionaire by working for an MLM? Start off as a billionaire
- Who is the most lonely billionaire? Alone musk
- Want to know an easy way to become a Millionaire? Be a Billionaire and start day-trading
- How does a woman turn a man into a millionaire? She marries a billionaire.
- What do you call 3 billionaires going to outer space? A good start.
- I made a meme about billionaires and their wealth... ...but I couldn't share it.
- A liberal wins the powerball! Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!
- what do you call a stretched billionaire? Elongated
Uplifting Billionaire Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about billionaire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one billion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make billionaire pranks.
My wife....
"Thanks to my wife I am now a millionaire!"
"Wow that's great!"
"I was a billionaire..."
I know a guy who became a millionaire after marrying his wife
Before that, he was a billionaire...
Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status.
He now goes by Mill Gates.
A billionaire goes for a drive
... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."
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"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife says we should spice up our s**... life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.
First, she wants me to become a billionaire.
How do you become a millionaire overnight?
Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.
Q- How many billionaires does it take to make Batman
A- Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.
I heard this in the game Arkham Knight
How to get a millionaire husband
marry a billionaire man, then proceed to divorce him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.
The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"
The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."
The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"
The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."
Two step program to become a millionaire in less than a year!
1. Become billionaire.
2. Get married.
Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.
We need Batman now more than ever
A billionaire, a clown, and a presidential candidate walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?"
A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...
and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.
'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.
'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.
'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'
'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'
The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'
The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Trump becomes president...
It would be the first instance of a white billionaire k**... a black family out of public housing.
USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires
I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table
How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?
Take them to a PG rated movie.
Bill Gates Went To A Restaurant And Paid A $2 Tip, The Waiter Remarked: "Your son gave $100, but you're only giving $2?"
Bill Gates: "He's the son of a billionaire, I'm the son of a farmer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Going To The Movies
I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire p**... with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.
She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"
I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There Are 492 Billionaires In The U.S
And Not One Of Those Losers Has Decided To Become Batman.
At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire
They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
American's won't stand for Russian interference..
"Only American billionaires are allowed to undermine our Democracy!"
I've always wanted to be a billionaire just like my father
He's not a billionaire but he has always wanted to be one
Batman: I must save this city
Alfred: Well you're a billionaire so maybe you can redistribu...
Batman: This bat suit is the only way
My girlfriend said she could make me a millionaire.
At first I was really excited until I realized I am a billionaire.
What do you call a compulsive liar who's also an astronaut, a billionaire, and a nascar driver?
Me.
A joke...
There was a guy who kept buying an apple for 5$ and selling it for 3$ again and again for 10 years. At the end, he became a millionaire. How?
ANSWER:
Well before spending those 10 years, he was a billionaire.
My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.
Skim milk has never tasted so good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Give a Nigerian a Fish and he'll get a free meal for the day.
But if you teach a Nigerian to Phish he'll become a billionaire prince that wants to make you rich.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That billionaire from New England is innocent.
He thought he was buying a h**....
An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..
Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....
Thanks to my wife I'm now a millionaire
Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a b**..., and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have s**... with her 3 times a day.
The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.
Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's b**...!!"
I wish....
* I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad
* Oh, so your dad was a billionaire?
* No, he also wished he were.
I invested my dad's money in stocks and made him a millionaire.
He used to be a billionaire.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.
So, at the f**... reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.
A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."
i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires
"reddit?"
no i said i HEARD it
I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.
But Soon after, I realized there's already a Charity for them, The US Government.
If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,
You would be dead.
A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue.
" Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Billionaires does take it take to create a Vigilante?
Three.
Two to die and one to never get over it.
I want to be a billionaire just like my dad…
Girlfriend: oh so your dad is a billionaire?
Me: no, he wanted to be a billionaire too
billionaire superheroes
How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero?
Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.
Kendall Jenner is the worlds youngest billionaire
She's followed in her father's footsteps in becoming a self-made woman
A 90 year old billionaire was dragged into the abyss by the tentacles of a Lovecraftian Old God...
It was an elder rich horror.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A billionaire offered me a million dollars to permanently glue my mouth shut forever.
I can't tell you how happy I am.
The Russian economy is improving drastically.
Soon even the poorest Russian will be a billionaire.
What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?
Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.
>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month
Two easy steps to become a millionaire
1: Be a billionaire
2: Set up businesses in Russia
What's the easiest way to become a cryptocurrency millionaire?
>!Start as a cryptocurrency billionaire and hodl. !<
Most billionaires are really just rounded up millionaires.
The haves and the have yachts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
My friend who's father is a multi-billionaire
My friend whose father is a multi-billionaire loves to talk about his extravagant lifestyle. One day, I asked him just exactly how large is the land owned by his father.
He answered I'll give you an idea, I can start driving at one end of the land in the morning at full speed, in one direction, and still not reach the other side of the land at night.
I could totally relate to that , I said
Really?
Yeah, I drive a Hyundai
Never ask a man his salary, a woman her age...
... or a billionaire what they contribute to society.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy finds a lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out.
Genie: You have 3 wishes, whats your first wish?
Guy: I wish you were bad at counting.
Genie: Done.
Guy: I wish i was a billionaire.
Genie: p**... off you've had your 3 wishes!
