Billionaire Jokes

Following is our collection of eccentric humor and takeover one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Billionaire puns for adults, dirty lavish jokes or clean tycoon gags for kids.

There is an abundance of billion jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on billionaire. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any millionaire witze you can hear about billionaire.

The Best jokes about Billionaire

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

I lied about my age

A 60 yr old Billionaire came to the Bar with his gorgeous 25 yr old wife!

Friend: "How did she marry you?"

Billionaire: "I lied about my age!"

Friend: "You said 45?"

Billionaire: "No! I told her I was 90"

When can women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

Can a woman make a man a millionaire?

Only if he's a billionaire.

Credits to Kevin Hart


I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..."

My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"


I said "no, he also wished he was..."

If Trump is elected president...

He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.

A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...

During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?

It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!

I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?

Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.

How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero?

Three. Two to get murdered and one to never get over it.

What is the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Step 1: become a billionaire.

Step 2: buy an EA game.

My wife says we should spice up our sex life with some stuff from 50 Shades of Gray.

First, she wants me to become a billionaire.


What does a sick billionaire say?

"I feel like a million bucks"

Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire

6 months ago I was a billionaire.

Can a woman turn a man into a millionaire?

Yes, if he's a billionaire...

Billionaire throws a party for the whole town

How To Become a Millionaire:

Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.

A woman was telling her friend , "I helped my husband become a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?"

"A billionaire."

A billionaire goes for a drive

... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:



"What do you want to be when you grow up?"





Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..



And how about you, Sarah?"



"I wanna be KevinΒΉs hooker."


A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...

and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.

'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.

'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.

'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'

'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'

The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'

The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'

A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.

The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"

The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."

The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"

The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

If Trump gets elected...

...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

Is this the Rinehart method?

One billionaire was asked how he made his fortune, the fact being known that he was flat broke when he was young. He told this story: he was once wandering the streets hungry and with only 10 cents in his pockets. Saw someone selling some rather unattractive looking apples for 10 cents a piece. He bought one apple and as he was about to eat it, he got an idea. Polished the apple and as it was now much better presenting, he was able to sell it for 20 cents. Which he then used to buy two apples, which he polished and sold for 40 cents. Which he used to buy four apples, earning 80 cents, buying eight apples... and then his childless uncle died and left him a billion dollars.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in charge of food.
The American will be in charge of shelter.
And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.

A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left.

"What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks.

"We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."

Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island.

After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "**SUPPLIES!**"

40 years old and still single.

The son of a Billionaire was tired of his bad luck at finding a woman to marry. His father was sickly and he realized that soon he could be inheriting a fortune.

So that evening he thought of a way he could use his dad's fortune and bad health to his advantage.

He saw a beautiful woman and approached her. He told her about his father's fortune and that he will soon be inheriting it. He asked her if she would like to marry him. She told him she would get back to him in a few days.

Three days later, he received the phone call from her, all excited as she said "I'm going to be your step-mother!"

A billionaire is in a hospital and needs a blood transfusion.

He turns to his Jewish friend and says. "I'll pay you 100,000 dollars for a blood transfusion. The Jew happily agrees? Excited for the money.

Then a month later the man needs a another transfusion and offers the Jew 10000 dollars for the blood. The Jew happily agrees.

Then a month later the man needs another blood transfusion. He offers the Jew 10 dollars. The Jew says "first 100000 then, 10000 now a ten? What's wrong?"

The man then says "must be all the Jewish blood in me."

Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status.

He now goes by Mill Gates.

A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It's perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with Mick Jagger.

The billionaire is stunned. I've spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever known. Why won't you come inside?

John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: You forgot The Doors.

Did you know a girl can make you a millionaire?

Only if you're a billionaire.

How can a woman make you a millionaire?

First you have to be a billionaire

I've always wanted to be a billionaire just like my father

He's not a billionaire but he has always wanted to be one

My wife....

"Thanks to my wife I am now a millionaire!"

"Wow that's great!"

"I was a billionaire..."

How do you become a millionaire by working for an MLM?

Start off as a billionaire

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

Eddy and his crush

Eddy was just a regular guy. Except for the fact that he was an only child and the fact that his billionaire father was breathing his last. Since Eddy was a soon to be billionaire it only made sense that he should have a woman to share his riches with.

Eddy approached his childhood crush. Hey Sandra, I may look like a regular guy, but I'm soon gonna be a billionaire! Do you wanna come home with me?

Sure thing Sandra replied, I would love to come home with you.

And that's the story how Sandra became Eddie's Stepmother

An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..

Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....

Batman: I must save this city

Alfred: Well you're a billionaire so maybe you can redistribu...

Batman: This bat suit is the only way

How does a women make you a millionaire?

You start as a billionaire

Millionaire Interview

Interviewer : Sir, who helped you on becoming a Millionaire?

Millionaire : My wife........ I was a billionaire before.

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

A billionaire, a clown, and a presidential candidate walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?"

How do you become a millionaire overnight?

Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.

So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar...

Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.

Thanks to my wife I'm now a millionaire

Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.

Can a woman make you a Millionaire?

Only if you are a Billionaire.

Two step program to become a millionaire in less than a year!

1. Become billionaire.
2. Get married.

Bill Gates Went To A Restaurant And Paid A $2 Tip, The Waiter Remarked: "Your son gave $100, but you're only giving $2?"

Bill Gates: "He's the son of a billionaire, I'm the son of a farmer."

My wife made me a millionaire.

I was a billionaire before I met her.

My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.

Skim milk has never tasted so good.

USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires

I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table

My wife made me a millionaire.

What were you before you married her?

A billionaire.

That billionaire from New England is innocent.

He thought he was buying a hookah.

If Trump becomes president...

It would be the first instance of a white billionaire kicking a black family out of public housing.

I know a guy who became a millionaire after marrying his wife

Before that, he was a billionaire...

The company I worked for was bought out by a billionaire from Spain...

We didn't expect the Spanish Acquisition.

Little Johnny

The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in London, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, a Visa Card with no limit, and all the time banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's hooker."

Q- How many billionaires does it take to make Batman

A- Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

I heard this in the game Arkham Knight

The billionaire was taking his bath when he had to fart...

Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his manservant, he said "Jeeves, go downstairs and fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Very good, sir" said the butler and made for the bathroom door.
By now the billionaire was struggling to hold it in, but finally Jeeves closed the door behind him. A substantial and very satisfying eruption ensued.
A few minutes later, Jeeves returned, holding a cup of coffee. Tucked under his arm was a hot water bottle.
"What's that for? I only asked for a cup of coffee."
"But sir, as I closed the door, I distinctly heard you say 'waddaboudawaddaboddle'".

What do you call a compulsive liar who's also an astronaut, a billionaire, and a nascar driver?

Me.

At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire

They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.

How to get a millionaire husband

marry a billionaire man, then proceed to divorce him.

How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?

Take them to a PG rated movie.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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