Bill Clinton Jokes
108 bill clinton jokes and hilarious bill clinton puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about bill clinton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bill Clinton Short Jokes
Short bill clinton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bill clinton humour may include short hillary clinton jokes also.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.
- What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated
- TBT - What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver? One turns in screws, one screws interns.
- Who was the most racist president? Bill Clinton. He hid from the black guy in between the Bushes.
- Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager? She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.
- Oh, Bill... A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"
He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!" - Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?" "Not as good as Monica"
- What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning
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Bill Clinton One Liners
Which bill clinton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bill clinton? I can suggest the ones about hilary clinton and chelsea clinton.
- Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica
- How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill... under the table
- The problem with Bill Clinton Is that he never learned harass was one word.
- Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency... But he was always hard at work.
- What do you call Bill Clinton's office? The Headquarters.
- Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.
- Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm.
- What is one thing... That Bill Clinton failed at?
*Domestic affairs* - Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.
- Bill Clinton probably loves Hillary for the same reason I despise her. Her mouth. :O
- Bill Clinton laid low after his presidency He sort of just came and went
- How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance? Just one bill.
- Bill Clinton right now, texting Monica Lewinsky "You up?"
- Bill Clinton was America's first erected president.
- Why does Bill Clinton wear underpants? - To keep his ankles warm of course!
Cheerful Fun Bill Clinton Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about bill clinton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bill gates jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bill clinton pranks.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a carpenter? A carpenter can cover up the holes he screws.
Heard this from my History Professor.
Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.
Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.
A good ole 90's joke.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives at the pearly gates he notices clocks with names hanging all over the place. The man asks god "What are all the clocks for?" God responded "Every time the clock makes a full rotation, someone on earth commits a sin." The man looked around at all the clocks and out of curiosity asked god "Where's Bill Clinton's clock?" God just pointed up to the ceiling fan.
The economy is doing really bad...
Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.
We always knew you could get AIDS from s**...
and then Bill Clinton proved you could get s**... from aides.
A recent poll posed the question, "Would you ever have s**... with Bill Clinton?"
70% of American women said, "Never again."
BUSH AND BILL Jokes
Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush."
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
Hillary Clinton s**...!
No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.
What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?
He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.
If you had to describe your s**... life with a famous historical quote
Mine would be 'I did not have s**... relations with that woman' - Bill Clinton
Presidential clock
After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!"
Why does Hillary Clinton want to have s**... with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
She wants to be the first lady.
So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and bill nye all walk into a bar...
They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.
With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most...
He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.
Why did Bill Clinton say NO to testosterone meds?
He was afraid of ending up like Hillary.
Bernie Sanders walks into a bar.
The bartender looks over and says "Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"
Bernie replies "Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!"
I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton...
...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!
I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...
According to Bill, she doesn't s**....
Bill Clinton takes a dress to the dry cleaners...
He asks the laundress to get a stain out of the dress, but she doesn't quite hear him with the machines running.
"Come again?" she says.
"Actually, it's mustard this time."
What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton?
Bill has had s**... in the White House.
People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but...
i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come
Late Night Political Jokes
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
Hillary Clinton doesn't s**...!
Just ask Bill
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor...
And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, "Still not as good as Monica's."
Obama, Clinton, and Trump are on a plane...
.... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy!
The pilot pops his head around the corner and says "I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy".
In answer to the question "would you have s**... with bill Clinton" 87 percent of Americans responded
No. Not again
Hillary Clinton doesn't s**...
That's why Bill cheated on her
Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time?
He has an o**... fixation.
In light of the DNC event and my own recent experience with the forced install of windows 10.. What do the Clinton's have in common with Bill Gates?
They both no longer need your consent.
Bill Clinton is out on his morning jog...
and he sees a h**.... As he passes her he says, "Twenty bucks?"
"No way," she answers.
The following morning Bill is jogging with Hillary. They pass the same h**... on the street and she says, "See what you get for twenty bucks?"
First Pitch or ...
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
THAT SMILE
A reporter asks Bill Clinton,. 'What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?"
He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
What do you call it when Bill Clinton gets an e**...?
A political uprising.
Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."
"All of mine s**..."
Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill.
Besides, the FBI has been f**... her for a while now.
What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?
They were both ruined by weiners.
Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today.
First known instance of him being faithful.
All this trump merchandise made me wonder
We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing.
What did Bill Clinton say when asked about
What did Bill Clinton say when asked about Monica Lewinsky's best feature?
She has the whitest teeth I've ever came across.
When I went to Heavan...
I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 109 women went down on the Titanic
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch, The waitress comes up to take their order, Bill Clinton says "I'll take the q**... darlin". The waitress gets very upset over this and says "I've been a big supporter of you and voted for and this is the thanks I get" and storms off. Al Gore turns to Bill and says "I think it's pronounced quiche"
Which 3 US bills have to do with s**... harassment of women?
Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton
How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?
He had a great Al Gore rhythm.
Most people get AIDS from s**...
Bill Clinton got s**... from aides
Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner
After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.
Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a q**... please."
"A q**...?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."
Why does Bill Clinton keep getting kicked out of libraries?
Because he won't stop bending over all the pages...
Hillary Clinton found out that Bill was getting it on with Monica Lewinsky.
She shrugged her shoulders and said "Better her than me."
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
Worst f**... in golf history
1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton
Why? You ask
1. Stormy is a h**....
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..
Bill and Hillary Clinton are eating dinner in a town where there has been a recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease.
When the waiter comes to take their order, Bill asks for a steak.
But sir, what about the Mad Cow? the waiter asks, concerned.
Don't worry, Bill replies, she'll order for herself.
Somebody attacked Bill Clinton's vice president with a chainsaw.
Witnesses described a mess of blood and Gore.
BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.
In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...
