The Best 65 Bill Clinton Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bill Clinton jokes. There are some bill clinton lewinsky jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bill clinton bill maher puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Bill Clinton Jokes and Puns

What is one thing...

That Bill Clinton failed at?

*Domestic affairs*

Heard this from my History Professor.

Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Oh, Bill...

A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"

He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"

A good ole 90's joke.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives at the pearly gates he notices clocks with names hanging all over the place. The man asks god "What are all the clocks for?" God responded "Every time the clock makes a full rotation, someone on earth commits a sin." The man looked around at all the clocks and out of curiosity asked god "Where's Bill Clinton's clock?" God just pointed up to the ceiling fan.

jokes about bill clinton

The economy is doing really bad...

Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.


A recent poll posed the question, "Would you ever have sex with Bill Clinton?"

70% of American women said, "Never again."

BUSH AND BILL Jokes

Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?

A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush."

Bill Clinton joke, BUSH AND BILL Jokes

George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.

2. Contraception by the Pope.

3. The American Guide to Etiquette.

4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.

5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.

6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.

7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.

8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.

9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.

10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"

"Not as good as Monica"

You can explore bill clinton bucks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bill clinton hillaryous dad jokes. There are also bill clinton puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Who was the most racist president?

Bill Clinton. He hid from the black guy in between the Bushes.

TBT - What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?

One turns in screws, one screws interns.

Hillary Clinton sucks!

No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?

He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton?

One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated

Bill Clinton joke, What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton?

If you had to describe your sex life with a famous historical quote

Mine would be 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' - Bill Clinton

Presidential clock

After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!"

So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar...

They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.


With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most...

He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

Bill Clinton probably loves Hillary for the same reason I despise her.

Her mouth. :O

I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...

According to Bill, she doesn't suck.

People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but...

i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon

"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton doesn't suck!

Just ask Bill

Bill Clinton joke, Hillary Clinton doesn't suck!

Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor...

And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, "Still not as good as Monica's."


In answer to the question "would you have sex with bill Clinton" 87 percent of Americans responded

No. Not again

Hillary Clinton doesn't suck

That's why Bill cheated on her

In light of the DNC event and my own recent experience with the forced install of windows 10.. What do the Clinton's have in common with Bill Gates?

They both no longer need your consent.

Why wouldn't Hillary Clinton let Bill be her IT manager?

She was too worried how often the servers would go down on him.

First Pitch or ...

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."


Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone?

Because he lost his whoremonica

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..."

"All of mine sucked"

What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common?

They were both ruined by weiners.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today.

First known instance of him being faithful.

Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency...

But he was always hard at work.

All this trump merchandise made me wonder

We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing.

The problem with Bill Clinton

Is that he never learned harass was one word.

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan

Which 3 US bills have to do with sexual harassment of women?

Bill Cosby
Bill O'reilly
Bill Clinton

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?

To keep his ankles warm.

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?

He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?

He won't inhale.

What do you call Bill Clinton's office?

The Headquarters.

How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill...

under the table

Most people get AIDS from sex

Bill Clinton got sex from aides

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton?

Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

Bill and Hillary Clinton are eating dinner in a town where there has been a recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease.

When the waiter comes to take their order, Bill asks for a steak.

But sir, what about the Mad Cow? the waiter asks, concerned.

Don't worry, Bill replies, she'll order for herself.

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

The Clintons at President Reagan's funeral

I don't know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might've noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.

Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together

It is important to remember that Bill Clinton

Spent his entire presidency between two Bushes.

Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning

He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"

"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I heard Bill Clinton got really drunk one day and had sex with Hillary

- Norm Macdonald

Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days

They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".

Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".

Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day

Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day. Due to a bureaucratic mistake, Pope goes to hell, Bill Clinton goes to heaven but they correct the mistake after a short time. On their way to opposite sides Bill Clinton and Pope run into each other and start a conversation. Pope talks about how much he wants to meet Virgin Mary and Bill Clinton goes
-You missed that chance by 10 minutes

Hillary and Bill sneak away from the secret service

Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk.

Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you

Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy!

Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States

~ Courtesy of my father

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