Bill And Ted Jokes
15 bill and ted jokes and hilarious bill and ted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bill and ted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bill And Ted Short Jokes
Short bill and ted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bill and ted humour may include short bill murray jokes also.
- TIL Bill Gates once released a swarm of mosquitoes at a TED talk about malaria, saying that it shouldn't be an experience only for old people, I can't wait to go see his new talk about gun violence.
- Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.
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Bill And Ted One Liners
Which bill and ted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bill and ted? I can suggest the ones about bill cosby and bill reilly.
- What's Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible? Duderonomy!
- Bill and Ted happen upon 20 fine young ladies... SCORE!
- Why did Bill and Ted join Islam? Because they heard it was radical!
Bill And Ted Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bill and ted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bill melinda jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bill and ted pranks.
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
Ted is well into his third beer in the bar when Bill comes in.
"Hey Ted, how ya doin'?" asks Bill.
Ted turns his eyes to Bill and signals for another beer. "So so. My wife just ran off last night with my best friend."
"But Ted!" protests Bill. "*I'm* your best friend!"
"...Not any more," says Ted.
Worst f**... in golf history
1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton
Why? You ask
1. Stormy is a h**....
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..
Broke and starving, Bill & Ted walks up to a bakery.
Bill: "Look..I stole 3 pieces of bread, placed them in my pocket and the baker didn't even notice. It's like magic!
Ted: "You want to see real magic? Watch this."
Ted approaches the baker: "Excuse me, sir. Would you like to see a magic trick? Let me eat 3 pieces of your bread then watch me bring them back." "Sure. Let's see it" replied the Baker.
So, Ted heartily eats 3 pieces of bread. Baker:"Ok..you said you were gonna bring my bread back. Where are they?"
Ted: "See my friend over here? Check his pocket. Your 3 pieces of bread are in there."
Four guys on a plane with three parachutes break the fourth wall.
Four guys were on an airplane when it started to c**.... Then they discovered there were only three parachutes. The four guys were Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Ted Cruz. They argued over who got to use the three parachutes. Since the scientists and geeks knew this joke usually ends with the smartest guy in the world jumping out with an empty backpack, they decided to take Tyson's suggestion and throw Cruz out the door because he didn't believe in gravity and wouldn't need it anyway.
Bill, Bonnie, and Ted
So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie
Bill and Ted were at a bar...
Bill asked, "Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"
"Dave is dead," said Ted.
"How?"
Ted said, "Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."
"What a terrible way to die!"
"Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the fridge tipped over. It knocked down my china cabinet as well, and everything fell on him."
"Flattened by a refrigerator? That's horrible!"
"That didn't kill him either. He managed to stand up but he fell again, this time into my fireplace. He caught on fire, and started running frantically about. Everything he touched caught on fire, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain."
"That's the worst thing yet! Oh man, poor Dave!"
"No, he was still alive after that."
"Wait, he survived all that? How exactly did he die?"
"Well, I shot him. He was destroying my house."