Bike Jokes
144 bike jokes and hilarious bike puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bike that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love to bike? Then you're sure to enjoy these hilarious jokes about motorbikes and cycling! Learn why the handlebars were lonely and the best song for a bicycle ride. Get ready for some chuckles, guaranteed to make any bicyclist chuckle.
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Funniest Bike Short Jokes
Short bike jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bike humour may include short bicycle jokes also.
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- Why do anti-vaxxers not lock their bikes? Because they know someone whose locked bike was still stolen.
- I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day... It's a vicious cycle.
- Two nuns went on a bike ride... ...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!" - What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
- My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike. The pavement.
- The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
- Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike? Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
- So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
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Bike One Liners
Which bike one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bike? I can suggest the ones about ride and riding.
- My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
- Just got a bike for my wife. It was a good trade.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- I keep falling off my bike. It's a vicious cycle.
- What do you call someone who's representing a bike shop? A spokesperson.
- How many adhd kids does it take to change a light bulb? LETS GO RIDE BIKES
- My dog used to chase people on a bike It got so bad I had to take his bike away
- how many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? hey let's go ride our bikes
- What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France? They recycle them.
- Why is PTSD like riding a bike? You never forget
- What did the Saudi bike thief say? "Look, no hands!"
- My sense of humor is so dark It started stealing bikes!
- What does a black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.
- Did you hear about the man who got hit by a bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle.
- My dog kept chasing people on bikes I never should have taught him to cycle!
Riding Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding bike jokes and even better riding bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes. I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.
- I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again. I'll have to retire it.
- If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
- Man, after joining a Biker Gang: Do we or don't we ride our bikes at the same speed? Biker: Yes, we do. But stop calling it synchronizing our cycles.
- l accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without
stabilizers. - What is the best part of Pokemon Go? I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.
- Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity... No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
- The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride. Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.
- What did the orphan kid say when he was riding his bike? Look hands, no mum..
- Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example... *I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*
Becomes...
*I heard Jane was riding on her period.*
Bike Ride Jokes
Here is a list of funny bike ride jokes and even better bike ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike down the street I thought it was mine, so I checked my garage and it was still chained up, begging for food.
- A girl is talking to her dog. The neighbours say you've been chasing people riding on a bike, she says.
Liars, the dog says. I don't have a bike. - Losing my virginity was a lot like when I first learned how to ride a bike. My father had his hands on my shoulders.
- Losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride my bike My dad was behind me the whole way.
- I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes I didnt know my dog could ride a bike
- What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike? Look ma, no hands!
- I always used to go to the gym with my ex Oh how she loved riding stationary bikes together...
We broke up because we couldn't see ourselves getting anywhere. - I have a bike with no seat. It hurts to ride, and no one wants to buy it because it has no seat. So I'm stuck riding this bike. It's a vicious cycle.
- What do you call a serial killer that rides a bike? A Cyclepath
- My wife and I were riding our bikes near the beach and I caught her checking out some ladies sunbathing. I guess she's a bi-cyclist.
Street Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny street bike jokes and even better street bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you know if a polish guy stole your bike ? You see him running down the street with it.
- I was walking down the street one day and saw a young black man carrying a bike... And thought to myself "is that mine?"
Then I remembered no. Mine's at home doing the dishes. - What do you call a person who rides a mountain bike with smooth street tires? A bicyc-sual.
Hilarious Bike Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about bike you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean motorcycle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bike pranks.
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
Little Johnny
When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.
Why did the blonde run with her bike?
Because it was going to fast for her to get on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
A black Jewish guy
A black Jew runs up to his father and asks his father if he is more Jewish or more black. The father asks his son why he just asked this odd question, the son says "there is a boy at school selling his old bike for $50 and I am wondering if I should haggle it down to $40 or just steal it."
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.
I want to find a hobby where I can get in peoples way, complain for equality but ignore the law, and get all defensive if anyone attacks my hobby.
Hey, check out my new road bike!!
*
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...
Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women how I like my old bike...
... chained up in the shed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go for a bike ride?
Joke I heard while travelling
One day a young boy rode his bike proudly saying "look Dad! No hands."
The next day the boy rode even more proudly saying "Look Dad no hands and no feet!"
The third day the boy shouted "Look Dad! No teeth!"
I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires
They really messed with my sleep cycle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a black guy that invented the triathlon.....
He ran to the pool and came back with a bike
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike
I just smashed into a Smart Car...
It's totalled. But at least my bike is fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the black boy fall off his bike?
He didn't. He fell off your bike.
Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?
It ends at the Finnish line.
Please stop
A guy jumps a car on a bike and crashes hard. doctors amputate both his legs.Being the daredevil that he is he jumps his wheelchair over a bus and again crashes even harder. He's so messed up now the doctors have to do a full body amputation.His family plead with him to stop while he's ahead.
Policeman stops priest on the bike...
Policeman: Hello father. Your light isn't working. That will be 20$.
Priest: Don't worry mister, i'm not in danger. Jesus is always with me.
Policeman: Sorry father. Then the fine is 40$ because two persons are not allowed to ride a bike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dad is having s**... with mom d**......
Mom: "I want a girl, I want a girl, I want a girl".
Dad: "I will give you a girl, I will give you a girl".
Son is watching through the door.
Listening.
Then runs in the bedroom, jumps on the bed, gets in the doggy position.
And says: "I want a bike and colored pencils".
Why did the armless man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a washing machine at him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Mexican on a bike?
A bmxican
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
A Black/Jewish boy asks his dad whether he's more Black or more Jewish.
When his dad asks why, the boy answers "there's a bike for sale for $100 and I can't decide whether to haggle down to $75 or just steal it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did Santa get you that?
Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
dog keeps chasing people...
I've really had it with my dog, says a guy to his neighbour. He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.
Hmmm, that is a problem, says the neighbour. What are you going to do about it?
Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
I couldn't believe how expensive the new bike pump was!
I hadn't considered inflation
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Dad! You can strike out the mountain bike on my wish list for christmas!
Just found a brand new one in the basement!!!
I didn't notice that the bike my friend gifted me didn't have pedals.
I knew something was missing, but I just couldn't put my foot on it.
A friend told me he saw a black guy on a stolen bike getting hit by a train
I rushed home, afraid that it was mine.
But thankfully, mine was still in my basement shining my shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
A guy walks into a bike store with his overweight wife
He tells the clerk, I'd like a bicycle built for two, and one for me.
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called, "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the very next day, I came across some road kill, so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious...
I'm just not sure what I should do with the bike...
My friend just bought a self-pedaling exercise bike..
I hope it works out for him.
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers. The first boy quietly asks God for a puppy, the second boy shouts "PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE A NEW BIKE". The first boy says to the other boy "you don't need to yell I'm sure God can hear you", the second boy says "I know he can but grandma needs to".
Nurse to my dad at the hospital...
... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
Nurse: looks to my mom
Mom: no.
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
Christmas Break
There are 2 boys. Timmy and Bill. They just got back from Christmas break. The first boy, Timmy, says to Bill, I had the best Christmas ever! I got a new bike, new shoes, and an Xbox with all my favorite games on it. What'd you get Bill? He says, I only got a sweater. The first boy asks, Why? Bill answers, Its because I don't have cancer, Timothy.
A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's n**... and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni
You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.
I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this s**... just ain't funny anymore fellas.)
An engineering student rides up to his fellow engineering student on a bicycle
His buddy asks him "Where did you get the bicycle?"
"Crazy story! A beautiful blonde rode up to me in this bike, got off, stripped off all her clothes, and told me "take what you want!""
"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyways..."
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
So this dude dies and goes to heaven...
... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"
The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies harassing a little old lady. So I went up to the leader, I spat in his face, I kicked over his bike and I insulted his girlfriend!"
St Peter says, "That's terrific! When did you do that?"
"Oh, about 30 seconds ago."
A child and his father were going to ride their bikes.
Child: \*wearing a beanie
Father: When you are going to ride your bike, you should always wear a helmet
Child: Don't worry dad, this is better. I already tested it.
Father: How?
Child: I threw them both out of the 3rd floor window. The helmet broke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men on a bike
Three men were travelling on the same bike when they were caught by a policeman.
"Don't you know it's i**... for more than 2 people to travel on a bike? Why are there three of you?"
"Three?! s**..., where's James?!"
My friend crashed his motorbike.
He's brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.
You know, I'm really not surprised that he crashed his bike then.
