The Best 77 Bike Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Bike jokes. There are some bike harley jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bike headlight puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Bike Jokes and Puns
Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.
He said "inflation"
Two nuns went on a bike ride...
...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
Losing my virginity was a lot like riding a bike for the first time.
My dad was holding me from behind.
Why didn't the bike go to the car show?
Because he was two tired.
The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...
...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Two engineers are meeting for lunch
Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.
The first time I've had sex was like the first time I rode my bike
My dad was holding me from behind
Two engineers meet each other on their way into work
One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
You can explore bike handlebars reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bike bmx dad jokes. There are also bike puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My dog used to chase after people on bike
So I took the bike away from him.
Understanding Engineers
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Why is PTSD like riding a bike?
You never forget
My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...
Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex.
I like my women how I like my old bike...
... chained up in the shed.
Two nuns go out for a bike ride
They wander through the old part of town.
One nun says, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."
My first time having sex was just like my first time riding a bike
My dad was holding me from behind.
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go for a bike ride?
I asked God for a bike...
... but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid's bike and asked God for forgiveness.
So I got a phone call from the post office today...
...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike
It's a vicious cycle.
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
What do you call someone who's representing a bike shop?
A spokesperson.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike
Why did the black boy fall off his bike?
He didn't. He fell off your bike.
Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?
It ends at the Finnish line.
Two Engineers Run into Each Other
One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
I keep falling off my bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit suicide, she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow blow job.
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best blow job I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
Just got a bike for my wife.
It was a good trade.
I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some vodka
But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home
A Black/Jewish boy asks his dad whether he's more Black or more Jewish.
When his dad asks why, the boy answers "there's a bike for sale for $100 and I can't decide whether to haggle down to $75 or just steal it."
I was going to pray to god for a bike.
But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Did Santa get you that?
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
I was in a crash with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled.
My bike was fine, though.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day...
It's a vicious cycle.
IT Students
An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes Nice bike. Where did you get it?
The first student says, The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said 'Take anything you want!'
The first student says, So I took the bike .
The second student says, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit .
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike?
Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France?
They recycle them.
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen
So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
My wife tells me I look uncool wearing a bike helmet
But I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex.
I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday
I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
My dog used to chase people on a bike
It got so bad I had to take his bike away
Nurse to my dad at the hospital...
... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
Nurse: looks to my mom
Mom: no.
Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street
One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again.
I'll have to retire it.
My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.
I rode on, ruthlessly.
A bike in town keeps running me over
It's a vicious cycle
Two engineer students were biking across campus.
One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.
I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the JD before I rode back.
Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
I once went to the liquor store at the corner riding my bike
I meant to buy a bottle of whisky
On my way back home I felt like I could fall off my bike and end up breaking the bottle of whisky
So I decided to drink it all at once right there
It was the best decision of my life because on my way back home I fell off my bike like 8 times.
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's naked and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this girl on her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni
You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"
What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.
I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)
A child and his father were going to ride their bikes.
Child: \*wearing a beanie
Father: When you are going to ride your bike, you should always wear a helmet
Child: Don't worry dad, this is better. I already tested it.
Father: How?
Child: I threw them both out of the 3rd floor window. The helmet broke.
What did the Saudi bike thief say?
"Look, no hands!"
A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.
His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?
You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_
His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.
Three men on a bike
Three men were travelling on the same bike when they were caught by a policeman.
"Don't you know it's illegal for more than 2 people to travel on a bike? Why are there three of you?"
"Three?! Shit, where's James?!"
I got my son a bicycle for his birthday once.
I bought the bike from a reputed bicycle store and it was top of the line.
When my son's birthday came around, I unveiled it to him.
My son immediately started to cry and scream at me.
Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little shit.
My bike needs new brakes.
I'm addicted to riding it though. I just can't stop.
Kid: Dad, I need to fix my bike tire, it's flat. Dad: Kiddo, you need a henway for that. Kid: What's a henway?
About three pounds.
(read outloud)
My dog kept chasing people on a bike...
It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.
"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I bought my Son a bike for his birthday.
He started screaming and crying about it.
Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little shit.
H*tler and Mussolini are sitting at a bar.
A guy walks into the bar and asks the barkeeper "Aren't those two H*tler and Mussolini?" Barkeeper confirms. The guy sits next to them and asks:
-What are you guys doing?
H*tler answers:
-We're planning WW3
-Oh really? What will happen?
-We will kill 15m Jews and a bike mechanic.
-A bike mechanic??!
H*tler slowly turns to Mussolini and speaks:
-See, told you no one would care about 15m Jews.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bike tandem jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working bike scooter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.