Bike Jokes
161 bike jokes and hilarious bike puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bike that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love to bike? Then you're sure to enjoy these hilarious jokes about motorbikes and cycling! Learn why the handlebars were lonely and the best song for a bicycle ride. Get ready for some chuckles, guaranteed to make any bicyclist chuckle.
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Funniest Bike Short Jokes
Short bike jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bike humour may include short bicycle jokes also.
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- Why do anti-vaxxers not lock their bikes? Because they know someone whose locked bike was still stolen.
- I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day... It's a vicious cycle.
- Two nuns went on a bike ride... ...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!" - What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
- My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike. The pavement.
- The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
- Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes One says to the other "I've never come this way before."
The other smiles and says "neither have I. Must be the cobblestones." - When I was young, I used to pray to the Lord everyday to give me a bike. But then I realised it doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
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Bike One Liners
Which bike one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bike? I can suggest the ones about ride and riding.
- My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
- Just got a bike for my wife. It was a good trade.
- Every single morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- A bike in town keeps running me over It's a vicious cycle
- I keep falling off my bike. It's a vicious cycle.
- What do you call someone who's representing a bike shop? A spokesperson.
- How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
- How many adhd kids does it take to change a light bulb? LETS GO RIDE BIKES
- I like my women like I like my bikes. Chained up and locked down in my garage.
- My dog used to chase people on a bike It got so bad I had to take his bike away
- how many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? hey let's go ride our bikes
- Why did the black boy fall off his bike? He didn't. He fell off your bike.
- What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France? They recycle them.
- My dog used to chase after people on bike So I took the bike away from him.
Ride Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny ride bike jokes and even better ride bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
- My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes. I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.
- I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again. I'll have to retire it.
- If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
- Why is PTSD like riding a bike? You never forget
- Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it - Two nuns go out for a bike ride They wander through the old part of town.
One nun says, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones." - Losing my virginity was a lot like riding a bike for the first time. My dad was holding me from behind.
- Man, after joining a Biker Gang: Do we or don't we ride our bikes at the same speed? Biker: Yes, we do. But stop calling it synchronizing our cycles.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes.
Bike Ride Jokes
Here is a list of funny bike ride jokes and even better bike ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- l accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without
stabilizers. - How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!
(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me) - I lost my virginity the same way i learned to ride a bike... My dad holding me from the back
- What is the best part of Pokemon Go? I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.
- Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity... No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
- I accidentally played dad instead of dead when I ran into a bear Now he can ride a bike and has been through college.
- The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride. Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.
- What did the orphan kid say when he was riding his bike? Look hands, no mum..
- Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example... *I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*
Becomes...
*I heard Jane was riding on her period.* - Two nuns are riding bikes downtown Two nuns are riding bikes downtown. One looks around and says, "I don't think I've ever come this way before."
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestone."
Riding Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding bike jokes and even better riding bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Saw a kid riding a bike that looked the same as mine in my neighborhood I freaked out and went to my garage. Luckily he was still there; chained up and begging for food.
- How many people with ADHD does it take to screw on a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!
- Just saw a kid riding a bike Thought it was mine, I checked the garage and it's still there, locked up, safe and sound, begging for food.
- What do you call a group of Norwegian monarchs who ride motorcycles and enjoy both men and women? The Bikings.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike down the street I thought it was mine, so I checked my garage and it was still chained up, begging for food.
- A girl is talking to her dog. The neighbours say you've been chasing people riding on a bike, she says.
Liars, the dog says. I don't have a bike. - Losing my virginity was a lot like when I first learned how to ride a bike. My father had his hands on my shoulders.
- What's the difference between a man in plain clothes riding a unicycle and a man in a tuxedo riding a bike? Attire
- Losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride my bike My dad was behind me the whole way.
- I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes I didnt know my dog could ride a bike
Nun On A Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny nun on a bike jokes and even better nun on a bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path... ...when one nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replies, "Must be the cobblestones." - Two nuns are riding their bikes through Provence... and they get lost. One says, "I never came this way before."
The other replies, "Maybe it's the cobblestones." - Two nuns are riding their bikes through a scenic cobbled street… One turns to the other smiling and asks Have you ever come this way before? The other nodded and said It's the cobblestones!
- Two nuns are riding their bikes down a Paris street.. One looks to the other and says "You know, I've never come this way before." The second replies, "Must be the cobblestones."
- 2 nuns are riding their bikes to church As they're riding, one nun says to the other "I've never come this way before".
The other nun turns to her and says "It's the cobblestone". - Two nuns are riding bikes to the convent... One says, "I don't think I've come this way before." The other nun goes, "Yeah, it's the cobblestones."
- Two nuns are riding their bikes somewhere... One of the nuns says "I've never come this way before!"
Other nun says "Must be the cobblestones."
Hilarious Bike Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about bike you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean biking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bike pranks.
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
What does a black kid get for Christmas?
Your bike.
Two nuns on a bike ride in Philadelphia
Two nuns are on a bide ride through Philadelphia, the first nun says to the second, "Make a right turn here, I know a short cut". After a few minutes the second nun says, "I've never come this way before". The first replies, "I know, it's the cobblestones"
The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...
...I said "b**..., my dog doesn't have a bike".
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
A black Jewish guy
A black Jew runs up to his father and asks his father if he is more Jewish or more black. The father asks his son why he just asked this odd question, the son says "there is a boy at school selling his old bike for $50 and I am wondering if I should haggle it down to $40 or just steal it."
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
The police came to my house earlier and said my dog has chased someone on a bike.
I said, "You must be joking. My dog hasn't got a bike."
*(Reposted because I completely messed up the punchline in the original post, and have only just realised.)*
Two engineers are meeting for lunch
Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.
Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.
The first time I've had s**... was like the first time I rode my bike
My dad was holding me from behind
Two engineers meet each other on their way into work
One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Understanding Engineers
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...
Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during s**....
I like my women how I like my old bike...
... chained up in the shed.
My first time having s**... was just like my first time riding a bike
My dad was holding me from behind.
I asked God for a bike...
... but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid's bike and asked God for forgiveness.
It's a black guy that invented the triathlon.....
He ran to the pool and came back with a bike
The little black jewish boy...
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight." the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."
Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?
It ends at the Finnish line.
Two Engineers Run into Each Other
One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"...
"Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.
The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."
I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some v**...
But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home
A Black/Jewish boy asks his dad whether he's more Black or more Jewish.
When his dad asks why, the boy answers "there's a bike for sale for $100 and I can't decide whether to haggle down to $75 or just steal it."
I was going to pray to god for a bike.
But of course god doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Did Santa get you that?
Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
I was in a c**... with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled.
My bike was fine, though.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
IT Students
An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes Nice bike. Where did you get it?
The first student says, The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said 'Take anything you want!'
The first student says, So I took the bike .
The second student says, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit .
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike?
Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
I didn't notice that the bike my friend gifted me didn't have pedals.
I knew something was missing, but I just couldn't put my foot on it.
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
My wife tells me I look uncool wearing a bike helmet
But I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during s**....
A cop on a horse stops a little g**... a bike
Did Santa get you that bike?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well next year tell him to put a reflector light on it! and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says Nice horse, did Santa bring you that?
The cop chuckles and replies He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers
Two boys are staying at grandmas doing nightly prayers. The first boy quietly asks God for a puppy, the second boy shouts "PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE A NEW BIKE". The first boy says to the other boy "you don't need to yell I'm sure God can hear you", the second boy says "I know he can but grandma needs to".
Nurse to my dad at the hospital...
... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
Nurse: looks to my mom
Mom: no.
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
Two engineer students were biking across campus.
One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."
I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.
I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the JD before I rode back.
Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Did you hear about the man who got hit by a bike every morning?
It was a vicious cycle.
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
I once went to the liquor store at the corner riding my bike
I meant to buy a bottle of whisky
On my way back home I felt like I could fall off my bike and end up breaking the bottle of whisky
So I decided to drink it all at once right there
It was the best decision of my life because on my way back home I fell off my bike like 8 times.
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's n**... and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
I took a bike-ride to the bottle shop today to get a bottle of red wine then headed home. I thought to myself, 'What if I fell off and my bottle broke?' So I drank it all before I cycled home.
That turned out to be a wise decision because I fell off seven times before I got to our house.
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni
You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"
What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.
I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this s**... just ain't funny anymore fellas.)
