Biggest Jokes

142 biggest jokes and hilarious biggest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about biggest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh away your fears and disappointments with this collection of the biggest jokes ever! From the biggest fans to the biggest losers, the biggest April Fools to the biggest regrets, find the largest collection of the finest and funniest jokes around. Get ready to export the biggest and corny jokes around today!

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Funniest Biggest Short Jokes

Short biggest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The biggest humour may include short largest jokes also.

  1. Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
  2. Now that Facebook changed their name to Meta, FAANG is not longer a valid abbreviation of the biggest 5 tech companies. I'd like to suggest MANGA
  3. Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who's the biggest in the family? The baby of course - because he's a little Bigger.
  4. My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
    I am so proud right now!
  5. Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
  6. Job interviewer: And where would you see yourself in five years' time Mr. Jeffries?" Me: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
  7. Interviewer: What's your biggest strength? Me: I'm a fast learner.
    Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?
    Me: 65.
    Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.
    Me: It's 121.
  8. Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Me: "I'd say my biggest weakness is listening"
  9. Greta Thunberg has just been confirmed as a huge polluter. Her Tweet to Tater-Tot was easily the biggest burn in history.
  10. A man is in a job interview.. "So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"
    "Could you give me an example of that?"
    "An example of what?"

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Biggest One Liners

Which biggest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with biggest? I can suggest the ones about greatest and longest.

  1. What's the biggest city in the United States? Obesity
  2. My biggest talent is that, I can always tell what's in a wrapped box it's a gift.
  3. What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag's a big plus.
  4. I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.
  5. Not knowing Greek mythology is my biggest weakness It's my achilles horse
  6. I ate four cans of alphabet soup I later took the biggest vowel movement ever
  7. You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is? They get elected.
  8. What is the biggest lie in the Universe I have read and accepted the terms and conditions
  9. What's a fat ghost's biggest fear? Being excercised
  10. The biggest fear of flat-Earthers... sphere itself
  11. Australia's biggest export is boomerangs But it's also their biggest import
  12. My biggest fear is dying alone. That's why I drive a school bus.
  13. "So, what are your qualifications?" "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills"
  14. What do single mothers in my area find to be the biggest turn off? Adblock
  15. What is the biggest miracle of Jesus Christ? Being white in Middle East.

Biggest Fear Jokes

Here is a list of funny biggest fear jokes and even better biggest fear puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
  • My biggest fear used to be dying alone but thanks to Trump, I know it'll be in a camp, surrounded by other minorities.
  • What are the two biggest fears of Russian military? That the Chinese learn how to fight like the Finns, or that the Finns learn how to breed like the Chinese.
  • What's a Paralympian's biggest fear? Testing positive for WD-40.
  • What is a cannibal comedian's biggest fear? A tough crowd.
  • A man talks to a pilot The man asks "what made you become a pilot?"
    The pilot responds with "I had to defy my biggest fear"
    "Heights?" The man says.
    "No, dying alone," says the pilot.
  • Why Did You Become A Bus Driver? Why did you become a bus driver?
    To overcome my biggest fear.
    Dying alone.
  • What's a crips biggest fear? A blood test.
  • One of my biggest fears is getting married. I hear that 50% of all marriages... ...last forever.
  • My biggest fear is Santa I think I might have Clausophobial

Biggest Fan Jokes

Here is a list of funny biggest fan jokes and even better biggest fan puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the point of calling yourself the biggest fan if you don't blow
  • What did the giant fan say to its owner? I'm your biggest fan.
  • I swear, I'm Cristiano Ronaldo's biggest fan.
  • What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells? I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.
  • Did you hear the one about Garry Kasperov's biggest fan? Oh! that old chess nut.
  • A celebrity is walking down the street when an eager man runs up to him and says "Hey! I'm your biggest fan!" to which the celebrity replied, "That's nonsense; you should check out my ceiling."
  • Why was Peter's biggest fan arrested? Because he was a Peter-phile.
  • What did the air conditioner say to the celebrity? I'm your biggest fan!
  • What does a windmill say when it meets its idol? 'I'm your biggest fan'
  • I asked my portable air conditioner what it thought of my muaic It wasn't my biggest fan.
Biggest joke, I asked my portable air conditioner what it thought of my muaic

Biggest Hits Jokes

Here is a list of funny biggest hits jokes and even better biggest hits puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • LeAnn Rimes put out a double CD - one was her greatest hits, and the other was her biggest flops. It was the best of Rimes, it was the worst of Rimes.
  • An oldie but a goodie: What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhardt Sr. have in common? Their last biggest hit was The Wall
  • What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit? Her last one
  • What was Justin Timberlake's biggest hit in Russia? Crimea River
  • What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt Sr have in common? Their biggest hits were all "The Wall"
  • What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Both of their biggest hits is 'The Wall'
  • The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono
  • What was Lynyrd Skynyrd's biggest hit? The ground.
    Follow-up line: It was a Buddy Holly cover.
  • What is Chris Brown's biggest hit? Rihanna (2009)
  • Why does Led Zeppelin have the most buxom groupies? Because they have the biggest hits.

Biggest Loser Jokes

Here is a list of funny biggest loser jokes and even better biggest loser puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I auditioned to be on "The Biggest Loser"... They told me "you win"
  • What would the most depressing game show be? Biggest Loser: All-Stars.
  • Everybody knows about Trumps reality show, "the Apprentice." But, did you know about Hillary's show? "the Biggest Loser."
  • Who the biggest Loser of them all? Type this in on your search bar.
  • What happens to the losers of the tv show The Biggest Loser? They're made to feel like the smallest person in the world.
  • Don't worry. You're not the biggest loser. Because all zeroes are equal.
  • I can finally set my tivo to record "the biggest loser"... ...kept trying to record the jets game
  • If there was a championship for the world's biggest loser, Hillary would take second place. Because she can't win anything.
  • I watch the biggest loser sometimes... I like to pretend they can see me eating.
  • Britain should be a contestant on The Biggest Loser... because it just lost billions of pounds.
Biggest joke, Britain should be a contestant on The Biggest Loser...

Laughable Biggest Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about biggest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tallest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make biggest pranks.

Do you know who was the biggest sponser of the movie Human Centipede?

Nokia - Connecting people

Someone just told me ignorance and apathy are the world's two biggest problems

I didn't know that, but I don't really care.

What is a male pirates biggest fear?

A sunken chest with no b**....

A w**... Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

Life s**..., job s**... and the wife doesn't.

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."

Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

I was at the football game the other day...

It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me
I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.
"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.
I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.
"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.
The man replied, "Oh, he's at the f**...!".

After s**... last night... new girlfriend snuggled up next to me and said, "You know, you are by far the biggest I've ever had". Apparently "Ditto" is not the right response.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is i**...

What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99?

You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.

I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I was in a job interview.

The guy said, "What's your biggest weakness?"
I said, "I'm a great listener."

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"
"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."
Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"
"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M-

A-N. 1948. HUGE upset.
Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true.

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was...

It wrote thousands of other words!

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."

I went to a blind p**... the other day

She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.
I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"

Interviewer: and what do you see yourself doing 5 years down the road Mr. Jones?

Mr. Jones: Personally, I believe my biggest weakness is listening.

I had s**... with my new girlfriend for the first time last night.

When we finished, she rolled off of me and said "wow, you're by far the biggest I've ever had!" Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.

I said, "Spiders."
He said, "Professional ones?"
I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."

Did you know that the boomerang is Australia's biggest export?

It's also their biggest import.

The job interviewer asked...

The job interviewer asked: "What's your biggest weakness?"
Me: "I don't know when to quit..."
Interviewer: "You're hired!"
Me: "I quit."

If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday:

Liver damage

Recruiter: "what's your biggest weakness?"

"I don't know when to quit."
"You are hired!"
"I quit."

Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto walk into a bar.

After sitting down, Jupiter says: "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."
Saturn says: "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."
Pluto says: "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot."

Job Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I guess my biggest weakness is I am not always a good listener

Interview Gone Wild

A man was interviewing for a job.
Interviewer: What's your biggest weakness?
Man: Honesty
Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a weakness
Man: I really don't care what you think

Boss: Why do you-

Me: *sshhh*
Boss: What is your biggest wea-
Me: *sshhh*
Boss: (whispering) you're hired. Welcome to the library.

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.

Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem.

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

After having s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" was not the correct response.

Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, What are you two arguing about?

One boy answers, We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was. The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.

My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked.

"Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."

What's s**... b**...' biggest fear?

Dying alone

Mid life career change

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.

4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train

They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.
All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when they say I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie .

Today I learned that the boomerang is Australia's biggest export

And also its biggest import.

Not enough people mentions Jesus' biggest miracle...

Having 12 close friends after age 30!


A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. Evening, boys. What are you doing? Nothing much, Pastor, replied the one lad. We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his s**... life. Boys, boys, boys! intoned the minister. I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about s**... at all. The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, You win, Pastor!

A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman

"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.
"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."
The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."
The old lady smiled and nodded. "You're probably right."

A husband and wife are sitting together at breakfast...

The husband is reading a paper and says "Look honey, according to this article, it's impossible to be happy and sad about the same thing." She thinks for a second and says "Oh yeah? Between you and all your brothers, you're "the biggest.""

An emoloyee was asked a question by the boss…

What do you think is the biggest problem in our company? Is it the lack of knowledge or the lack of interest?
To which he replied: I don't know and to be honest, I don't care.

Biggest joke, An emoloyee was asked a question by the boss…

jokes about biggest