The Best 62 Biggest Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Biggest jokes. There are some biggest omnipotent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these biggest noisiest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Biggest Jokes and Puns

My biggest fear is dying alone.

That's why I drive a school bus.

Someone just told me ignorance and apathy are the world's two biggest problems

I didn't know that, but I don't really care.

What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag's a big plus.

Biggest joke, What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"

So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.


What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

I was at the football game the other day...

It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me

I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.

"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.

I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.

"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.

The man replied, "Oh, he's at the funeral!".

Biggest joke, I was at the football game the other day...

After sex last night...

...my new girlfriend snuggled up next to me and said, "You know, you are by far the biggest I've ever had". Apparently "Ditto" is not the right response.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.

You can explore biggest finest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean biggest drawback dad jokes. There are also biggest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99?

You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.

I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I was in a job interview.

The guy said, "What's your biggest weakness?"

I said, "I'm a great listener."

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"

"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."

Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"

"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

Biggest joke, So a man dies and goes to heaven...

It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M-

A-N. 1948. HUGE upset.

Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true.

Donald Trump is the next President but...

The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.


What's the biggest city in the United States?

Obesity

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

"So, what are your qualifications?"

"I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills"

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?

Me: I'm a fast learner.
Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?
Me: 65.
Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.
Me: It's 121.

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

What is the biggest lie in the Universe

I have read and accepted the terms and conditions

So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...

so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Me: "I'd say my biggest weakness is listening"

Job interviewer: And where would you see yourself in five years' time Mr. Jeffries?"

Me: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."

The biggest fear of flat-Earthers...

...is sphere itself

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."

I went to a blind prostitute the other day

She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.

I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"

Interviewer: and what do you see yourself doing 5 years down the road Mr. Jones?

Mr. Jones: Personally, I believe my biggest weakness is listening.

I had sex with my new girlfriend for the first time last night.

When we finished, she rolled off of me and said "wow, you're by far the biggest I've ever had!" Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.

I said, "Spiders."

He said, "Professional ones?"

I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."

Did you know that the boomerang is Australia's biggest export?

It's also their biggest import.

The job interviewer asked...

The job interviewer asked: "What's your biggest weakness?"

Me: "I don't know when to quit..."

Interviewer: "You're hired!"

Me: "I quit."

Recruiter: "what's your biggest weakness?"

"I don't know when to quit."

"You are hired!"

"I quit."

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being excercised

Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto walk into a bar.

After sitting down, Jupiter says: "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."

Saturn says: "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."

Pluto says: "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot."

You know what the biggest problem with political jokes is?

They get elected.

Job Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I guess my biggest weakness is I am not always a good listener

Interview Gone Wild

A man was interviewing for a job.

Interviewer: What's your biggest weakness?

Man: Honesty

Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a weakness

Man: I really don't care what you think

Boss: Why do you-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: What is your biggest wea-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: (whispering) you're hired. Welcome to the library.

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, What are you two arguing about?

One boy answers, We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.
You two should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was. The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.

What do single mothers in my area find to be the biggest turn off?

Adblock

My biggest talent is that, I can always tell what's in a wrapped box

it's a gift.

My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked.

"Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."

Not knowing Greek mythology is my biggest weakness

It's my Achilles horse

Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.

Job Interviewer : Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me : I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

My Biggest flex is...

I have a pen that can write underwater!

Them: No you dont, really?

Me: Yeah! It can write other words also.

What's suicide bombers' biggest fear?

Dying alone

What is the biggest Australian SciFi producton?

The mate-rix

A dentist looks into a patient's mouth and says, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

"I heard you the first time," says the patient. "You didn't need to say it the second time."

"I didn't," says the dentist. "That was my echo."

A man gets on a plane and sits next to a uniform cop

The man has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

Half way though the flight, the cop has had enough of the grinning man and says "what's the big deal buddy? Never seen a cop on a plane before?"

"No sir, it's not that. You're the reason my wife will finally let me do that ONE thing in bed."
Puzzled, the cop asks why.

"Well, my wife said we could do that only when pigs fly"

The biggest tragedy in Star Wars is their lack of information on one of their greatest unsung heroes.

I mean, he brought the Rebels the plans for the second Death Star before he died, but that is all we know about Manny Bothans.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the biggest arguement jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working biggest hardest piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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