Bigger Than Jokes

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

A couple was having a conversation, when...

...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.

Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and then ask them to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would just use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug....do you want a bed near the window?"

My mum has a photo of me in her wallet and not of my siblings

She said whenever she face an obstacle, she looks at my photo and her problem disappears.
I really felt touched until she said she tells her self: "what other problem can be bigger than this one?"

The microbiologist

A scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what kind of scientist are you?" the bartender asks. "I'm a microbiologist," the scientist replies. "Oh," the bartender says. "You're a lot bigger than I imagined."

My girl told me she's depressed. Because of her weight, she suffers discrimination.

I told her "Just ignore them. You're bigger than that."

What's bigger than a tuna?

A threena.

Why can a Pteranodon hold more weight in its beak than a Megalosaurus can hold in its mouth?

Because a Pterabyte is bigger than a Megabyte.

The magic of English.

What is shorter when it is longer and longer when it is shorter; also bigger when it is smaller and smaller when it is bigger?
A word. LONGER is shorter than SHORTER, and SMALLER is bigger than BIGGER.

What do you call a moth that is bigger than a bird ?

Behemoth

You know you're working class

when your TV is bigger than your book case.

How math, physics, programmimg and philosophy convince that all odd numbers bigger than one are primes...

Math: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime. I'll get the rest of them with induction.
Physics: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 9 measurement error, 11 prime, 13 prime.
I tested enough numbers.
Programming: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime...
Philosophy: 2 prime, 4 prime, 6 prime

When is one bigger than two?

Eyebrows.

My wife told me, Don't get upset if your friends keep calling you fat...

You are much bigger than that.

Why didn't Donald Trump shake hands with the Chancellor of Germany?

Because Her hands were bigger than His.

Big dreams

Some people wanna have enough money to buy a bike. Others a car. Others would like to be rich enough to hire a chauffeur. However I dream bigger than that, I wanna be able to afford an ambulance ride in the United States

My son studies so much

His homework folder is bigger than 4 GB.

I saw a microbiologist today.

He was much bigger than I imagined.

You know who's even bigger than Ariana Grande?

Ariana Venti.

IT guy: How's the network?

Fisherman: The fish are bigger than the holes so they get trapped inside.

What's bigger than a man who admits his mistakes?

A woman who admits hers.

I figured out what the largest number is: -1

Because 0 is bigger than it.

I told my ex-wife "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat" ...

"You're much bigger than that"

Julius Caeser and Alexander the Great are in a bathroom together

They are both going pee in two urinals right next to each other. Alexander the Great leans over the divider looks at Caeser and says "My empire is bigger than yours"

What's bigger than Infinity?

Halo

Mine is bigger than your bf's...

List of insecurities

Real definition of Zebra from Blonde's perspective

What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!

My mate was telling me he buys extra large cage eggs instead of the regular ones.

He feels better knowing their cages are bigger than all the rest of the other chickens.

Trump's "baby blimp" may be smaller than people thought it was going to be...

But that isn't the first time someone thought Trump was going to be bigger than he is.

What's bigger than a starfish?

A galaxyfish.

Mrs. Bigger liked telling everyone her newborn baby boy was a lot bigger than she was...

But he was really just a little Bigger.

What is bigger than a Xantus?

XLantus.

I hate when Mommy and Daddy get drunk and start fights.

They are both way bigger than me and there are two of them. It's not fair.

In heaven Mother Theresa is complaining to god that Princes Diana's halo is bigger than hers...

God giggles... That's not a halo, that's a steering wheel.

Astronomers discover a new object bigger than the "Great Attractor"

ur mum

Why is your foot bigger than your hand?

It's a complex evolutionary process.

If a dog was a computer, would its bark be bigger than its byte?

The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.

The Mental Asylum

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the teaspoon or the teacup."
"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug out. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

If love is bigger than anything in its path...

Were the twin towers a symbol of love?

Beside a bigger nuclear button

I don't think there's anything else bigger than jung un.