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Bigger Jokes

162 bigger jokes and hilarious bigger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bigger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh it up with bigger jokes than ever before! These jokes are bigger, thicker and filled with more laughter than ever before! Discover the size and dooby of funny stories, and start enjoying the biggest and best jokes around!

Funniest Bigger Short Jokes

Short bigger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bigger humour may include short larger jokes also.

  1. Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who's the biggest in the family? The baby of course - because he's a little Bigger.
  2. Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
  3. What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order
  4. Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Grandpa: Why would I do that?
    Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."
  5. I told my wife she shouldn't get upset when people call her fat Because she's bigger than that.
  6. It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
  7. My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?" She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."
  8. When I asked my friend how he's doing, he said "man, I'm just happy to be breathing". I told him he should have bigger aspirations.
  9. What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman? Their criminal record.
  10. I ate a small pizza, but it wasn't enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one... They call it the dominoes effect.

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Bigger One Liners

Which bigger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bigger? I can suggest the ones about smaller and longer.

  1. If someone calls you Fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
  2. What gets bigger the more you take from it? The lower class.
  3. What gets bigger every time I see my wife. My wife.
  4. Why did the anime girl eat too much? Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
  5. Don't vaccinate your kids... Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.
  6. Don't stress if someone says you are fat You are bigger than that.
  7. Don't get mad at people who call you fat You're bigger than that
  8. I saw a microbiologist today He was much bigger than I expected
  9. Met a microbiologist this morning He was bigger than I expected.
  10. Who's bigger? Mrs.Bigger, Mr.Bigger or their baby? The baby because he's a little Bigger.
  11. I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger... then it hit me.
  12. If someone calls you fat, ignore them You're bigger than that
  13. Ignore those who call you fat. You are bigger than that.
  14. What do you call an artist bigger than Rihanna? A Rihanna Grande
  15. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger Then it hit me

Bigger Than My Jokes

Here is a list of funny bigger than my jokes and even better bigger than my puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Somebody just called me fat I didnt start a fight and simply walked away because I'm the bigger person
  • Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ? I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
  • What body part starts with p, is 5 letters long and gets bigger when you see something you like? A pupil.
    Why, what did you think it was?
  • I always wondered why a frisbee gets bigger as it gets closer. And then it hit me.
  • When two dwarves are violently arguing ... Sometimes you gotta step in and be the bigger person
  • Will buying a bigger bed... give me more bedroom?
  • If someone says you're fat, just ignore them. You're bigger than that!
  • If people call you fat, just ignore them You're bigger than that.
  • Why do they call wood carving "whittling"? Because you start with a bigger piece of wood, and you make it whittler.
  • I used to have an imaginary girlfriend but she left me for my best friend. Apparently he had a bigger imagination.

Bigger Than Jokes

Here is a list of funny bigger than jokes and even better bigger than puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whenever I see Americans make fun of Kim Jong-un, I think to myself Come on, you're bigger than that.
  • Guy goes to the doctor and asks... "Doctor, is it normal if one of my balls is bigger than the other two?"
  • When I was younger I thought drugs were going to be a much bigger problem. Now I'm older, they seem like the only solution.
  • My gf told me if I trimmed my bush it would make my deck bigger She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
  • Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger? Or Mr. Bigger's baby? The baby, because it is a little Bigger.
  • It takes a big man to admit he's wrong, but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
  • Why did the Muslim cross the road? To get to the bigger crowd
  • My roommate made fun of me for being fat. But I decided to be the bigger person.
  • Yo Mama so Fat She can't save files bigger than 4GB.
  • Yo mama and yo papa both so fat ...scientists refer to your conception as "the even Bigger Bang".
Bigger joke, Yo mama and yo papa both so fat

Bigger joke, Yo mama and yo papa both so fat

Comical Bigger Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about bigger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stronger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bigger pranks.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

I'm going to open a store called Chasm

It will be like the Gap, but a lot bigger.

A Fishing Tale


On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'

A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

The magic of English.

What is shorter when it is longer and longer when it is shorter; also bigger when it is smaller and smaller when it is bigger?
A word. LONGER is shorter than SHORTER, and SMALLER is bigger than BIGGER.

What do you call a black person who is taller than you?

Bigger

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

Women are like stars...

At first they are small and hot, then they get bigger and bigger, then finally they s**... the life out of everything around them.

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.

During a visit to the mental hospital....

..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Fractions are like s**......

It's improper when the bigger one's on top.

How do you put a baby to sleep?

You rock them.
What if it doesn't work?
Use a bigger rock.

A shopkeeper was dismayed...

when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS! To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading LOWEST PRICES! He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, MAIN ENTRANCE.

A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

Paychecks are like d**......

Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger.

I smell maple syrup!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .
molasses."

So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but...

she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel."
My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.

My girl told me she's depressed. Because of her weight, she suffers discrimination.

I told her "Just ignore them. You're bigger than that."

What do bombs have in common with feminists?

The heavier they are, the bigger they explode when triggered.

Little Johnny was made fun of...

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being s**.... Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

I had an imaginary girlfriend for a few years, but she ended up leaving me for my best friend.

He had a bigger imagination than I did.

A couple was having a conversation, when...

...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

Son: "Dad! My l**... is missing!"

Dad: "We have bigger problems son, there's a dragon in the kitchen."

n**... Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a n**... beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

A English teacher says to a African student..

"okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"

When you buy a bigger bed...

You have more bed room but less bedroom

Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my t**...

Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.

Why would you get bigger if you ate a whole tub of protein every day?

Because you ate whey too much

A v**... goes to a brothel for his first time.

The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge f**..., right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another f**..., bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."

I think that there's something wrong with my t**......

One seems to be bigger than the others

Why do arts graduates like fancy restaurants?

Bigger tips.

Next time someone asks you if you have found Jesus:

"Have you found Jesus?"
"d**..., did you guys lose him again? Seriously, start using bigger nails."

d**... are like paychecks.

You never know how yours compares to others but you always hope it's a little bigger.

Next time someone asks you if you've found Jesus

Tell them that it wasn't your turn to watch him, and they should have used bigger nails.

As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.

I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."

My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.

He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having s**... inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.
Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should try some things out while having s**... on top of his car, instead of inside it.
But if I'm gonna have s**... with my boyfriend in a way that's out of his Element, it will have to be on my own Accord.

Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.

A husband and wife sit down to dinner

He says "honey, tell me something that's going to make me really happy AND really mad at the same time"
She looks at him and says "your d**... bigger than your brothers"

A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left

A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!

A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the local supermarket,

But she was having trouble finding one that was large enough for her family.
She decided to ask the shop assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The shop assistant replied, "No ma'am, they're dead.."

My son entered the bathroom during my morning shower time.

Soon, we had that awkward "Why is *yours* bigger than *mine*?"-conversation...
He said: "Dad! I don't know... I'm only ten!"

Conversation at the breakfast table this morning.

Him: I shouldn't say I love you with all my heart. I should say, I love you with all my liver, since it's bigger.
Me: Then you should love me with all your ego.
Him: I don't love you that much.

A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"

He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"
But then an idea struck him!
The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"

During gym, I wondered why the dodgeball grew bigger and bigger.

And then it hit me.

How did the cow know its children have been working out?

Its calves are getting bigger

A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.

"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.

The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."

I freaked out the electrician by opening the door n**....

I couldn't tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was n**..., or that I got into his house.

My mum has a photo of me in her wallet and not of my siblings

She said whenever she face an obstacle, she looks at my photo and her problem disappears.
I really felt touched until she said she tells her self: "what other problem can be bigger than this one?"

Bigger in Texas

A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Wow, this bed is big!
Everything is big in Texas, says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. Wow these drinks are big!
The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. Second door to the right, says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, Don't flush, don't flush!

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

My wife asked me to get something that would give me bigger, harder, longer lasting erections.

Apparently she didn't mean "a 23-year-old girlfriend".

My mom has a picture of me in her wallet

And none of my siblings. She said that whenever she faces a problem, she looks at my picture and the problem disappears.
I felt really touched till she said that she asks herself "what other problem can be bigger than this one?"

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates
St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes.
For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said.
Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment.
"St. Peter, I'm a little puzzled," the priest began. "As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?"
St. Peter smiled. "Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Bigger joke, A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates

jokes about bigger