Big Phone Jokes
39 big phone jokes and hilarious big phone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big phone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Big Phone Short Jokes
Short big phone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big phone humour may include short big truck jokes also.
- I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but was sent a big goat with a long neck instead. Turns out I had phoned Dial-a-Llama.
- Went to my mates house and she had a big open fire in the garden where she was burning her phone bill, gas bill and credit card bill. I said: "flipping heck what are you doing Bernadette?!"
- d**... autocorrect! My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does this make my b**... look big?"
I texted back "Noo!"
My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"
Please send help!
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Big Phone One Liners
Which big phone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big phone? I can suggest the ones about big boy and big baby.
- Why are ET's eyes so big? He got the phone bill
- I thought Samsung's would name their next phone Big Bang Cause their Galaxy blew up
- Why are ETs eyes so big? He saw his phone bill.
- Yo mamma... So big her selfie cracked my phone screen
- Why did E.T have such big eyes? Because he saw his phone bill
- When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
- Why did the smart phone eat a lot? It had a big APPetite
Gather Around for Heartwarming Big Phone Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about big phone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new phone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big phone pranks.
The phone bill was exceptionally high...
.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??
So I did some research...
and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.
Over smart.
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?""No," replied the trainee."It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"The trainee shouts back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!""No," replied the CEO indignantly."Good!" replied the trainee, and slams down the phone.
We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a b**... and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.
She seems quite nice.
One I wrote a while ago: Anti-Boasting Cream
Now I don't tell many jokes and definitely don't write them so I found this on my phone from about two years ago and was amazed!
I went to see the Doctor this morning about my big ego. He told me to try this anti-boasting cream.
I said, how do I apply it? It's just i've got really soft, sensitive, supple skin. He said, You just have to rub it in.
A young businessman had just started his own firm.
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picked up the phone and started to pretend big deal was in the works. He threw a huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked: Can I help you?
Sure , the man said I've come to connect the phone.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.
A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cell phone reception at all in our town.
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
😂😆
Dog
A salesman drops in to see a business customer. Not a soul is in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stares at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looks up and says, Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job. Incredible! exclaims the man. I can't believe it. Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk! Please don't tell him! pleads the dog. If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone too.
A young woman was so excited to find out she was pregnant, she had to phone all her friends right away and tell them the big news....
It was close to midnight before she finally got around to calling up her very last girlfriend with the big announcement.
"I can't believe I have a person inside me right now!" she said.
"So do I," her friend replied. "Can you call me back in an hour?"
A Second Opinion
A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. You aren't so good in bed either! he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. What took you so long to answer?
I was in bed. What were you doing in bed this late? Getting a second opinion.
A Blonde in a Fire
One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.
A blonde orders a pizza delivery over the phone.
"Would you like your pizza cut into eight pieces, or ten?" asks the voice on the other end.
"Eight, please," replies the blonde.
When the pizza comes, the blonde notices that the pizza has been mistakenly cut into ten pieces. "Hey!" she says. "I asked for my pizza to be cut into eight pieces!"
"It's not that big a difference," replies the delivery guy.
"Of course it is!" says the blonde. "I could never eat ten!"
A couple are sitting on their couch when their son walks in.
He tries to put in his phone in his new phone cover.
Son: It's too big, it doesn't fit.
Father: That's what she said!
Mother: That's what you wish i said!
#savagemom
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
A Frenchman calls the fire department...
He wakes up and his kitchen is ablaze. He calls the local fire department and says " Sacre Bleu! You must 'elp me! There eez a fire please come and put eet out ! "
The fireman on the phone responds " Calm down, we'll be right there, just tell us how to get there"
The Frenchman , confused , asks the fireman , " 'ow do you get 'ere? What 'appened to your big red trucks?!"
Camping
A blonde was out camping in the woods one day when she encountered a big Grizzly bear. Just when she was about to run, she remembered hearing that playing dead can save her life.She was told to be completely still and not make any noise. As she laid on the ground playing dead she felt the bear sniffing around her body.Just when the bear was about to walk away, her phone rang and the bear shifted its attention to the phone.The blonde then got up and walked passed the bear and answered the phone saying '" shhhhh I'm playing dead".
Slow learner
A man goes to work one Monday morning and notices on of his coworkers has two big bandages on both of his ears.
"What happened to your ears?" he asks.
"Well, its a long story." he replies, "You see, my wife and I are planning a trip with my sister in law, and we were expecting a phone call from her on Sunday. I was watching the football game and my wife was ironing some laundry behind me. The phone rang, so I reached back to answer it, but when I put the phone to my ear I realized I had grabbed the iron by mistake!"
"Well that explains one ear, but what happened to the other?"
"Well, wouldn't you know it, she called back."
New guy in big corporate
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day
of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.
Some Chuck Norris Jokes
- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.
- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.
- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.
