Big People Jokes
125 big people jokes and hilarious big people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Big People Short Jokes
Short big people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big people humour may include short big man jokes also.
- People think that just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, i should walk around carrying a big ol' boom box on my shoulder. But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
- People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one.
- I came up with a science joke... Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint... - To all those people who said I would be an unfit parent, have you seen the little guy lately? Cause that would be a big help, I seem to have misplaced him.
- I wish I had a home big enough for all the homeless people in my town. They wouldn't be allowed to come there. That's just how big I want my house to be.
- People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath... I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.
- People always say "why weren't we able to predict a disaster as big as the coronavirus?" But not everyone has 2020 vision.
- A snail, who was tired of being slow, went and bought a sports car with a big S on each side Whenever people saw him zooming past, they would say, Hey, look at that S-Car Go
- I hate it when people try and sound smart by using big words. It just makes them look ambidextrous
- Today I Ate a Big Mac I am not gonna brag about it but the people in Apple were pretty terrified
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Big People One Liners
Which big people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big people? I can suggest the ones about fat people and tall people.
- How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people? A big wave
- Sometimes I like to use big words... So people will think I am more photosynthesis
- I don't trust people with a hammer and sickle in their bio. Big red flag.
- Some people say turning 20 isn't a big deal, But to me it's a score.
- I have a boat big enough for 11 people, or My wife and her two friends.
- The reopening of Lego World in 2021 was a big deal. People were lined up for blocks.
- Why do Jewish people have big noses? Air is free.
- What's the big deal? Gay people could always get married. Just not to each other.
- I'm really big into tennis... So I hate when people make a Djokovic.
- Some people say the Sasquatch has big feet. Yeti never complains.
- Only trust people that like big butts. They cannot lie.
- This is a conspiracy by Big Alarm Clock wake up people
- What do you call a Viking pop band with a big gay following? The Pillage People.
- I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
- What do you call people with big ears? Nothing, they might hear you
Howlingly Hilarious Big People Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about big people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean big girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big people pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.
I think it was just panda ring.
I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.
They shouldn't talk about their country like that.
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
You know what they say about people with big brains, right?
"You have a severe case of meningitis."
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
That's preponderance.
It's so annoying when people use big words, but not in the right context. They're just trying to be ambidextrous.
It is Fred's first day in prison.
After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."
A Texas Salesman
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
How To Catch a Polar Bear
First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
I hate it
I hate it when people try to use big words when they clearly don't know their meaning. It makes them sound so gelatinous and isosceles.
Not many people know that B.F. Skinner, the famous behavioral psychologist, had a second career as a stage magician.
His big trick was pulling a habit out of a rat.
Glass with Water
This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)
Looking for a joke about religious divisions...
I heard a joke a long time ago about two people who were in the same religion. and they go through the sub-parts of the religion- they're both christians, protestants, lutherans, same synod, etc... but when they get to the smallest possible division - they are in different ones and they get into a big fight, yelling at each other about being apostates. Anyone know how it goes?
Did you hear about the snail who bought himself a Ferrari and painted a big yellow "S" on the side?
Now wherever he drives, people watch and say "Look at that S-car go!"
Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"
When people say they're a foodie it's no big deal..
but when people find I'm a drinker they're all "stop the car" and "we're calling the police".
How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only two, but either they'd have to be really really small people, or it would have to be a really big lightbulb, and I'm not sure how they'd get in it in the first place.
There are three kinds of people in New Zealand..
The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders..
Marriage Vows
A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one.
After a while, the husband said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."
His bride replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in
front of all those people."
A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school.
So usually at about 3:15
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
Why do black people have big nostrils?
Because air is free
Im a bit hurt that my friends told me I'm condescending.
Condescending is a big word that means you talk down to people.
"With people now being able to decide their own gender, how do you feel about people who identify as household appliances?"
"I'm certainly not a big fan."
What's the difference between a little guy with a p**... o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off?
One's a leprechaun and the other's a l**...-con.
A rich snail goes into a car shop...
He picks out a super fast car and says, "I want a big S painted on the left side, the right side, the front, the back. I want big Ss everywhere! The car painter asks why, and the snail says, "Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say, 'Wow! Look at that escargot!'"
In the Human Resources Department
The Manager has a big pile of applications on his desk.
He picks up the first 20 of them and throws them into the bin, saying
"Those guys have bad luck and we have no use for people with bad luck"
What do s**... and The Big Issue have in common? (Original Joke)
I buy them exclusively from homeless people
Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God...
I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far.
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
You know what they say about people with big feet...
You could easily get a part-time job as a clown
Did you hear that Trump Tower is being remodeled to add a clock that resembles Big Ben
I've heard people complain that it has tiny hands.
Why do Dutch people have big noses?
Because air is free.
### Bonus joke:
* How was copper wire invented?
Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.
Have you heard of Mechadusa?
She's like Medusa, but instead of turning people to stone, she turns them into simple machines.
I was skeptical at first... but then I saw her face. Now I'm a big lever.
I hate when people use big words and don't know what they mean..
.. I mean it's like totally photosynthesis.
Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty...
Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
An old lady told me this
You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?
I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant s**... behavior
Oh well, at least they can still be president.
So a snail walks into a car dealership..
He goes up to the dealer and he says, "Alright, I want it cherry red, with white-walls, and leather seats, and I want a *big* 'S' painted on the the side." After he rings it the dealer looks at him and he says "I understand white-walls and leather seats, but why the letter 'S' on the side? "Well" the snail says "When I drive by in my new car, I want people to say 'look at that S car go!'
It's not a big deal that people are now printing guns using 3D printers
I have had a Canon printer for years.
Bunch of mainly old rich white folks gathered in a big fancy room guarded by armed guards to discuss about coloured people
So how was Oscars y'all?
Historically as a big corporation the best investment we've made is in our people.
Unfortunately we lost alot of money when this investment was outlawed.
Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell?
Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.
The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."
"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."
Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."
"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.
"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."
Thanks to the tireless work of an elder statesman, possibly one of the most dignified and smartest people in the process, we are starting to normalize relations with North Korea
Let's all give Dennis Rodman a big hand.
Robbin Williams was on a talk show in Germany
They asked him, Why do you think comedy is not big in Germany?
Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?
No.
The say people with big feet..
Have big p**... and people with small cars also have big p**....
No wonder people are so afraid of clown.
How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but it's better be a big lightbulb.
Buffalo Tattoo (bad joke)
I've recently started going to the gym so I can have big arm muscles but I'm thinking of quitting and just getting a buffalo tattoo instead. That way when I wave to people it can still be a buff hello .
There aren't a lot of advantages to people who live in Switzerland.
However, the flag is a big plus.
I don't think antivaxxers are such a big problem.
I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.
People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them n**..., and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.
Just ask your mom.
I'm trying to convince my wife to upgrade our yard so I wanted to show her on my chromecast people having fun on terraces so I yelled "Hey google, show me a movie of a wife enjoying a big deck with her friends" but I think google misheard me.
I just made it up after a couple of glasses
The big race
It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!
People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!
Because...cheetah's never win.
I translated this joke into English from my native language
Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes him off the road sits on a bench next to him and asks: whats your name little boy?,,
The boy answers: Adolf h**...,,
Me: "i'm terrified of those big empty spaces people yell into."
Therapist: "A void."
Me: "Good advice, thank you."
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
I don't know why people think Trump can't make a deal...
He makes a big deal out of everything.
Big dreams
Some people wanna have enough money to buy a bike. Others a car. Others would like to be rich enough to hire a chauffeur. However I dream bigger than that, I wanna be able to afford an ambulance ride in the United States
So I did some research...
and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.
The other day I saw this huge crowd of dodgy looking people lining up at the local morgue, they were all leaving with these big heavy looking bags over their shoulders. I could just tell something i**... was going on.
It was a dead giveaway
I don't understand people who say they cannot wear masks because of their big nose
I wear my underwear everyday and don't complain
Why don't Chinese people care about mass surveillance?
Because after the 1 child policy, nobody remembers what a big brother is, anyway.
