Big Muscles Jokes
18 big muscles jokes and hilarious big muscles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big muscles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Big Muscles Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good big muscles joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
The First Night of the Honeymoon
The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."
Football with a blonde girlfriend
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles?
A Biceptual
Remember, big brains are important...
but big muscles are importanter
A man comes into jail the first time in life...
On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."
The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.
"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."
Buffalo Tattoo (bad joke)
I've recently started going to the gym so I can have big arm muscles but I'm thinking of quitting and just getting a buffalo tattoo instead. That way when I wave to people it can still be a buff hello .
Remember that movie with the hot firefighter and his big muscles?
You look like his hose.
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
At a carnival, a strongman cuts a lemon in half.
He then takes one half and squeezes it as hard as he can. He turns to the crowd and says:
"A hundred dollars for any man or woman who can squeeze a single drop of juice into this glass!"
Several men confidently walk up to the stage, but none of them manage to complete the challenge, despite their big muscles. Eventually, a tiny, frail looking gentleman walks up to the stage. The strongman laughs, but gives him a go. To everyone's surprise, the man squeezes the lemon and almost fills the entire glass.
Stunned, the strongman asks the obvious winner of the challenge how he managed that.
"Oh, that's easy." Replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
A big, tough guy walks into a bar...
Immediately seeing his massive muscles, and overall dangerous aura, everyone hushes and just stares.
"Listen punks," he growls out. "I run this bar now, and you guys are going by my rules! Everyone on the left side is an i**... loving h**..., and everybody on the right side is a r**... homosexual. Any issues?"
A scrawny, unassuming man from the right side raises a shaky hand.
"And what do YOU want?" The tough guy asks.
He replies "Well sir, what do we do if we belong on both sides?"
Two Flies in a bar
One fly is sitting at the bar and his friend walks in shivering, covered in frost.
"What's happened to you?" he asks.
"I rode down in here in a big guy's mustache. He got on his motorcycle and just muscled through the storm." The second fly responded.
"Oh, well next time, what you should do is find a beautiful woman with a big bush, snuggle in there and you'll be fine the whole trip."
The next day the first fly is waiting at the bar and the second fly comes in shivering and covered in frost again.
"What happened, didn't you take my advice?" he asks.
"I did, I did," the second fly responds. "I went to sleep nestled down in the bush, and when I woke up I was back in the Biker's Mustache again"
My flight was being served
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up , that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-p**..., so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,
Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, b**...!'
Lemon drops
So a man walks into a bar and sees a big tough guy standing next to a glass and some lemons.
"What's with the lemons?" he asks.
"Its a challenge." replied the bartender. "This here is the strongest man in the world. He will squeeze as much juice from half a lemon into the glass as he can, and if you can squeeze out even one more drop, you win free drinks for the rest of the year."
The man watched several other strong looking men try the challenge, and all of them lost miserably.
"I accept" replied the man.
The bartender snorted a bit seeing as the man weighed little over 120 pounds and had very little muscle mass.
The strong man squeezed almost a third of a glass of juice from the lemon and when he was done, handed the lemon to the scrawny man.
He took the lemon and sized it up in his hand, and squeezed almost 5 drops from it.
The strong man reeled and replied "Wow! You are stronger than you look! I went easy on you."
"Fine. " said the skinny man, "Try again if you would like."
So the strong man then spent a food 3 minutes squeezing the lemon more than he had for any of the other men.
Once he was convinced even he could not summon even another drop from the lemon, he handed it to the skinny man.
The man then proceeded to squeeze another 3 drops from the lemon.
"Amazing!" cried the bartender. "I guess you can have free drinks for a year! What is your secret though? How did you do it?"
"I'm an IRS agent" the man replied.
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Big Muscles One Liners
Which big muscles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big muscles? I can suggest the ones about big guns and big people.
- What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles? A Biceptual
- Remember, big brains are important... but big muscles are importanter
- Remember that movie with the hot firefighter and his big muscles? You look like his hose.