Big Mouth Jokes
51 big mouth jokes and hilarious big mouth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big mouth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Big Mouth Short Jokes
Short big mouth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big mouth humour may include short large mouth jokes also.
- Whats big, pink, long and my girlfriend hates when I put it in her mouth? Our miscarriage.
- Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be? I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"
- My wife says I'm starting to look like a big stuffed manicotti. Nothing gets pasta my mouth.
- Humans need 7 filters. 2 for the eyes, 2 for the ears, 2 for the nostrils and a big 1 for the mouth.
- Son: mom, all the kids at school tell me I have a big mouth. Mom: oh no sweetie, don't listen to them you don't have a big mouth. Now take your shovel and finish your soup.
- It's orange, it says it's an orange, but it's not an orange. What is it? A tangerine with a big mouth.
- What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
Share These Big Mouth Jokes With Friends
Big Mouth One Liners
Which big mouth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big mouth? I can suggest the ones about big teeth and smash mouth.
- You can't trust pelicans with secrets. Because they have a big mouth.
- Why was the constellation diagnosed with mouth cancer? He was a big dipper.
- What did the big mouth bass buy at 7-Eleven? A big gulp.
- Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
- Your mouth is so big You can eat a banana sideways.
(Oldie but goodie) - Dinosaurs exists, there's one in the white house... ...with a big mouth and small hands.
- "Dad, my retainer doesn't fit anymore" "It's because you have a big mouth, son."
Uproarious Big Mouth Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about big mouth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean big head jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big mouth pranks.
A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed.
Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!"
Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!"
Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
Letters of the Alphabet
A teacher is going through the alphabet in class, asking the students to say a word that begins with each letter.
"OK, the first letter is 'A'," the teacher says. Little Johnny immediately raises his hand. Knowing that he is rude and foul mouthed, the teacher decides not to call on him for fear of him saying any bad words that begin with the letter A. So she calls on someone else. They go through the whole alphabet until they get to the letter "R."
At this point Little Johnny had been raising his hand for every letter. The teacher thinks to herself; "Well, I can't think of any bad words that begins with 'R'." "Johnny, want to try this one?" "I have a word- 'rat'."
The teacher is so glad he didn't say anything crude when all of the sudden he adds "A Big f**...' Rat."
The Dentist
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist,
Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!
The dentist thought to himself,
My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain.
So the dentist asked him,
Which tooth is it, sir?
The man turned to his wife and said,
"Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
The two troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant...
A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a colleague of the husband enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Matt ?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
Two little boys, ages 6 and 8, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 6 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
Latvian joke.
I tell Latvian joke:
Latvian man very hungry.
He go in minefield, look for potato feed family.
Many hours, he suddenly find big potato, size of fist!
He quickly pull out pin, put in mouth, s**... whole thing.
Then he say "But why was there pin in potat "
End from joke.
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
Heard this one seems kind of old.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.
Inspection
While conducting a routine inspection, the colonel arrived at the mess hall door where he met 2 KPs with a large soup kettle.
"Let me taste that," the colonel snapped. One of the men fetched a big spoon and handed it respectfully to the CO, who plunged the ladle into the p**... and took a large mouth-full of the steaming liquid, smacking his lips critically.
Then he let out a roar that could be heard back at headquarters. "Do you call that soup?" He bellowed.
"No, sir," explained one of the KPs. "Its dishwater we were just throwing out"
THE TASTEFUL BLIND MAN
A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange request to his waiter. He asked if he could have the unwashed fork of the last customer the waiter waited on. The perplexed waiter agreed and handed the blind man the unwashed fork. The blind man proceeded to put it in his mouth and said, "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that."
The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him. So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to pull down her p**... and rub it between her legs.
When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face.
The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here."
The Jewish mistress
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see himlater and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get adivorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering
in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garageand no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona...
...and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
3 Vampires meet in a crossroad
The 1st vampire said "see that village over there? I'm gonna s**... their blood dry", 30 minutes later he come back with mouth full of bloodstain "Nobody's alive in that village anymore".
The 2nd vampire doesn't want to lose, he said "see that town over there? I'm gonna s**... their blood dry", 10 minutes later he come back with face covered in bloodstain, "That city is dead".
The 3rd vampire is so eager to compete he quickly go to the direction of a big city without saying anything. He come back 10 seconds later, all body covered in blood, the two vampires are impressed.
He say "You see that pole over there?"
"Yeah.."
"I didn't"
I have views on my hot neighbour but she's a cat person.
And this morning, my dog came with the cat in its mouth, dead of course.
I was horrified and realised I had to fix this if I ever want to hit her.
So I went to all the kennels in the shire to find the exact same cat.
Finally found it and put the dead cat's collar on it. Send it back to her garden and then ran away.
Ten minutes later, heard a big scream, she was unconscious on the lawn.
I rushed to wake her up and asked what happened, worried she would have spot that the cat was different. She replied, out of breath:
I found my cat dead this morning, my dad came and we buried it. And now I find it back to life!
A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
A man brings a big dog into a bar
He asked the waitress for 2 glasses of beer, one for him and the other for his dog. The dog grabbed the bottle with his mouth and chugged down the beer, as skillful as his owner.
The waitress was very impressed and excitedly asked "What other tricks can your dog do?"
The man looked at her and said "My dog can also do s**...!"
So, the waitress brought both of them up into the attic, took off all her clothes, laid down on the sofa, spread her legs and looked at the dog. But the dog just stood there and did nothing.
Angry, the man took off all his clothes and shouted at the dog angrily "You s**... dog, this will be the last time I will show you how to do s**...!!!!"
Non-kosher Rabbi
One day, an old rabbi decides that he wants to try pork, forbidden in the Torah. But, because he's the rabbi, he can't risk being seen by anyone in his congregation. So he decides to take a vacation. He buys his tickets, flies out to Brazil, finds an expensive restauraunt and orders the roast pork. As he's waiting, however, a couple from his congregation walks into the same restauraunt. They instantly recognize him, come up to him, and just as they're saying hello, the Rabbi's pork is brought out: a giant pig on massive platter with a big red apple in it's mouth. As it's placed in front of him, to the shock of the couple, the Rabbi exclaims: My goodness...so this is how they serve apples here!
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
Three boys talk in the schoolyard:
Boy one: "You know, my mom's mouth is so big, that she can s**... a whole cinnamon bun in one bite!"
Boy two: "Whatever, my mom can s**... a panini with just one bite!"
Boy three: "Those are rookie numbers! My mom can s**... a whole floor lamp in one gulp!"
Boy one and boy two look at boy three with delusion, and ask him how he knows she can do it, boy three answers:
"I heard when mommy and daddy where talking with each other in the other room the other night. Mom whispered: "turn off the floor lamp, i'll take it in my mouth.""
A young boy passes a brothel on his way home from school when
the lady of the house leans forward and waves her pinky finger at him. "Hi little boy", she laughs.
He asks her, "why do you wave like that?"
She holds up her pinky finger again, "well, that's how little 'it' is".
The next day the boy strolls by and the lady does the same. "Hi little boy" she jests, waving her pinky finger in the air.
The little boy puts a finger in each corner of his mouth, stretching it as wide as possible and says, "hiya big lady".
Missing
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. "The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. "The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "
