Big Man Jokes
32 big man jokes and hilarious big man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Big Man Short Jokes
Short big man jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big man humour may include short big people jokes also.
- A man walks into a library... And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"
"Hard back?"
"Yeah, with little heads" - It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- A man ran up to me shouting "Big hole with water in the ground! Big hole with water in the ground! He seemed strange but I think he means well
- It takes a big man to admit he's wrong, but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- I advertised a python for sale in the paper a man rang up and said What size is it?
I replied It's quite big
How many feet? he asked,
None, it's a snake... - What were the hung man's last words? What's the big deal? Your sister had no problem taking it.
- A man walks into a bar with a big slab of tarmac/asphalt under his arm... The barman asks him, "So what can I get you?"
"I'll have a pint and eh, one for the road." - A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan. As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"
- I met the man who invented the Big Mac today… He was much smaller and less appealing than he looked in his photos…
- A man comes home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers... "I suppose I'll have to keep my legs open for the next few days!" The wife says.
The husband replies, "Why? Don't you have any vases?"
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Big Man One Liners
Which big man one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big man? I can suggest the ones about big boy and strong man.
- My friend admitted to steroid use. It takes a big man to do that.
- What do you call a man who became fat from eating too much McDonald's? Big Max
- Why aren't Incel's big fans off Iron-Man? They're just not big on Fe-Males, that's all.
- Why is Chris Christie such a successful man? Because he is too big to fail.
- You know what they say about big feet "Man that guy has really big feet"
- It takes a big man to cry but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
- What do you call a man with no legs and a really big nose? An amputee.
- What do you call a big hairy gay man that's really into fitness? Yogi Bear
- 9 out of 10 men prefer women with a big rack The tenth man prefers the other 9 men.
- I know a man who broke his backside He had a big crack right down the middle
- What do you call a fat, Asian man? Big chinkus.
- Why did Big Shaq snort Tabasco...? Because man's snot hot.
- Did you hear about the man who bought a bucket load of Tipp-ex last week? Big mistake.
- Why does a black man feels sleepy after a big meal? Because the guy had Niggeritis.
- A simple man and his wife enter the big city for the first time...
Hilarious Fun Big Man Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about big man you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tall man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big man pranks.
Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...
There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:
\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...
The small man:
\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
It takes a big man to admit when they're wrong
And an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
A man comes into jail the first time in life...
On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."
The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.
"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."
BIG MAN WALK INTO BAR WITH LITTLE MAN
BIG MAN ORDER DRINK..... HE DRINK HALF..... HANDS IT TO LITTLE MAN..... LITTLE MAN TAKE BATH
A newlywed couple go on an African safari...
They come upon an indigenous people most notably characterized by their unusually long p**....
Noticing his wife's amusement, he decides to ask the tour guide for some pointers.
"For one year, during their youth, they tie on a heavy rock and don't remove it, " says the guide.
Now, back at home, the man decides to give it a go..
A week later the wife excitedly asks, "How's my big man? Any luck?"
The man replies, "Its not any longer, but it has turned black."
Blow
So, I was in a bad situation, lost my family, home, all of my money, I needed some cash. Due to this I decided to try my hand at burglary. Thinking big and ambitious I headed to London, to break in to some big mansions there. Finally got it all planned and found the perfect house. Night descended, sure the house was empty, I entered. No problems. Looking through the property I found lines of powder on the coffee table in the living room. Feeling c**... and curious I had a sniff. Amazing. Definitely good Blow. Went down for another line and I heard a deep cockney voice at the other side of the room.
"What are you doing?"
I looked up. "Oh my God" I said "Its Michael Caine!".
"No." He replied. "That's my c**...."
Cowboy and the memorizing Indian
A cowboy walks into a saloon. The bartender says "Hey, wanna see something really interesting? That Indian over in the corner can remember ANYTHING. If you ask him anything about his life, he'll remember the answer." Cowboy thinks that sounds pretty cool, so he wanders over to the ancient Indian, sitting alone in the corner. He says "So chief, what did you eat for breakfast last Tuesday?" The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "eggs". The cowboy thinks "He could just be making that up." But he doesn't really care, and wanders away. The cowboy strikes it rich, finds a ton of gold, and returns to town a wealthy man. He goes back into the saloon and sees the same Indian sitting in the same corner. He gets a little loaded, and feeling like a big man, he swaggers over to the Indian and says "HOW". The Indian stares at him for a long moment before replying "Scrambled."
A zebra dies and goes to heaven
He meets Peter at the pearly gates, and decided to ask him a question that had been nagging him his whole life. "Peter, am I a white horse with black stripes, or am I a black horse with white stripes?" Peter is stumped, so he tells the zebra to ask the big man himself. So the zebra clip clops into heaven, and one day meets God. He finally gets enough courage to approach him and asks the same question he asked at the gates. God immediately replies "You are what you are, son." The zebra is even more confused than ever. After a few days, the zebra runs into Peter once again, and tells him what God told him.
"Oh, you're a white horse with black stripes!"
The zebra asks Peter how he could have possibly deduced that from Gods answer. "Well, if you were a black horse with white stripes, he would have told you 'You is what you is'"
A little girl was walking home...
A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, he yells, "Hey there, Little girl! Do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl, and keeps walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey, Little girl! I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl, walking a bit faster down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay, Kid, this is my last offer! I'll give you 20 bucks and a big bag of candy, if you will just hop on the back of my bike and go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams,
"Look, Dad, you're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley, so YOU RIDE IT!"
Alaskan retirement.
Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."
Peace'n quiet in Auz
Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity.
They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy!
And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack.
St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”
St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
