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Big Hair Jokes

52 big hair jokes and hilarious big hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Big Hair Short Jokes

Short big hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big hair humour may include short long hair jokes also.

  1. People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath... I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.
  2. Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems... Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
    Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair
  3. I can remember watching the women of Baywatch as a youngster -- being transfixed by their big bouncing... ...hair.
    Seriously, what kind of conditioner were they using?
  4. The man with the big feet lives in the red house, the man with the big ears in the green house, the man with the long hair in blue house, where does the man with the small wein live? My house
  5. Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, brown eyes, are wearing blue shorts, have a big brother, are 28 years old and your favourite movie is The Shining? The Specific Ocean
  6. The hair styles in the 80s were just a marketing ploy to sell more hair styling products. Thanks Big Hair.
  7. I went to the Doctors about a hearing problem. He asked what symptoms I was getting... I said "Homer is a fat guy and Marge has big blue hair".
  8. I found my first grey p**... hair today. It wouldn't have bothered me but it was inside my Big Mac.
  9. I found my first p**... hair today. Normally things like this don't bother me.
    But it was in my Big Mac.
  10. I just found my first grey p**... hair! Normally these things don't bother me but it was in my Big Mac...

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Big Hair One Liners

Which big hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big hair? I can suggest the ones about bad hair and long haired.

  1. Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
  2. How does an atheist girl have her hair done? In big bangs!
  3. Why do lines have such big hair floofs? Because it's there mane purposes in life.
  4. I have a hair lip, a big belly, and a lazy eye. What am I? Ugly.
  5. Why does it always seem like models' hair is blowing in the wind? They have big fans.
  6. I found my first grey p**... hair today I just didn't expect it to be in my Big Mac
  7. I found my first gray p**... hair today. It was in my Big Mac

Comedy Big Hair Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about big hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean big head jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big hair pranks.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

A 70 Year Old Women Decides To Get Married

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
...
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Lonely widow.

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a
wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said...
Rang the doorbell didn't I?

The tale of two gnats

So a gnat is on a vacation and he sees another gnat but he looked beat up with bruises all over his body. He walks over and asks him why he looks the way he does.
"Well," says the beat up gnat, "My living conditions are terrible. I live in this biker's mustache, and if holding on while he's riding faster than everyone else, it's the bar brawls that'll nearly do you in. This is the first time I've gotten a chance to think about it and I need to move."
The other gnat pats him on the back and exclaims, "Well you're in luck, because I know how you can upgrade big time. Do you see that airport over there? Go over there and slip underneath one of the flight attendant's dresses and nestle in their p**... hair. It's warm, it's safe, if you aren't itchy she won't get rid of you, *and* you still get to see the world."
Enlightened, the beat up gnat thanks him and flies straight over to the airport.
One year later, the gnat goes on vacation to the same spot and sees the same gnat from before, beat up as like he was the first time. He flies over and asks him what happened.
"Well," the beat up gnat starts, "I did just as you said, and by golly you were right. For the longest time I felt like I truly had a good home. Then one day, it was suddenly bright, I feel crushed, I heard lots of screaming, and the next thing I knew I was in some biker's mustache."

Hair Fragrance

Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's s**... threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

Barak Obama was touring the countryside...

... in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Obama.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you?' asks Obama.
The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey,
the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Obama.
'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them,
I'm Barack Obama's chauffeur and I've just killed the j**....

The ventriloquist...

...and his d**... were getting big laughs with their repertoire of blonde jokes.
Midway through the act, a blonde woman in the audience stood up and yelled, "This is offensive! Is it right to stereotype people by their race? No! Is it right to stereotype people by their religion? No! So why is it okay to stereotype women by their hair color? I'm a blonde, and I'M not s**...!"
"I'm sorry, Miss," said the ventriloquist. "I certainly didn't mean any offense."
"You stay out of this, buddy," said the blonde. "I'm talking to that little smartass on your knee!"

Three boys are sitting across from an exotic car dealership...

Admiring the cars, when a genie pops out of the sewer and offers them each a wish.
The first boy says, "I want a Porsche!"
The genie nods and a brand new Porsche appears in the road. The kid gets in and drives off.
The second boy says, "I want a Rolls Royce!"
Again, the genie nods and a shiny new Rolls appears. The kid jumps in the car and drives away.
The last kid thinks about it for a minute. He finally looks up and says, "I want my body entirely covered in hair."
The genie nods and every inch of the kid is suddenly covered in hair.
Feeling a bit confused by the last request, the genie asks the kid, "Why do you want to be covered in hair?"
The kid holds his hands up with his fingers making a small circle. "Well, my sister only has a patch this big, and she has both of those cars!"

Gee, you smell nice!

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

A man walks into a barbershop...

...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."

the lonely woman

A lonely woman, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. ... 3 weeks went by without a reply, and then the doorbell rang. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "and what makes you think you satisfy me in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

A lonely widow...

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" She snorted.
"You don't have any arms either!" Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said.... "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Husband Wanted

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

The doctor and the bunny (clean)

A doctor is driving home one dark and stormy night. A few yards ahead, a rabbit bolts out from the forest. Try as he may, the doctor couldn't stop in time and he struck the rabbit.
An animal lover, the good doctor leapt from the car to see if he could help the little guy. But the rabbit was not responsive. He ran back to the car to get his medical bag, but then realized that he was driving his wife's car, and so his bag would not be there. He reached into the glove box and pulled out what he thought was a bottle of water.
Returning to the bunny, he carefully lifted its little head and helped it sip from the bottle. To his amazement, the bunny sprang back to life. The bunny gave him a big wave and then hopped off. It stopped a few feet away and then waved again. Bounding up the hill, once again the little bunny waved. Astonished by the remarkable recovery, the doctor looked at bottle in his hand and read the label out loud, Hair restorer with permanent wave.

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

Going to the prom

A boy asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers. Next he heads out to rent a limo.
Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Hard of Hearing

I went to the Doctors yesterday as my ears were a bit blocked and I couldn't hear too well.
The Doctor asked if I could describe the symptoms, I told him the Father is called Homer and is fat and his wife is called Marge with big blue hair.

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

A man goes to the doctor

"Doctor," he says, "I'm worried that I might be losing my hearing."
"Oh," replies the doctor, "can you describe the symptoms?"
"Of course," says the man, "Homer's a fat idiot and Marge has big blue hair."

Why did God give black guys such big d**...?

Because he was sorry about what he did with their hair

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."

I was talking to my plumber...

I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

Missing

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. "The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. "The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "

jokes about big hair