JokoJokes

Big Girl Jokes

105 big girl jokes and hilarious big girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Big Girl Short Jokes

Short big girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big girl humour may include short big boy jokes also.

  1. There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
  2. A girl I was dating invited me over to her place. When I went into her room, she had a Soviet banner draped on her wall. I left immediately. It was a big red flag.
  3. I said to a fat girl today... I said to a fat girl today,
    "You're a big girl!"
    She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."
    I said, "salad tastes nice"
  4. Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand... ...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.
  5. Two girls play in the park, one takes wood stick and says: "my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."
  6. A girl is at the doctor. The doctor is about to use the stethoscope and says "Big Breath" The girls says "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"
  7. I asked a beautiful homeless girl if I could taker her home with me. She said, "Yes!" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in.
  8. A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.
  9. A girl goes to the doctor... Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, "Big breaths, dear."
    She smiled. "Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!"
  10. A girl goes to the doctor, he takes out his stethoscope and says "okay, big breaths." To which the girl says "yeah, and I'm only thixteen."

Share These Big Girl Jokes With Friends




Big Girl One Liners

Which big girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big girl? I can suggest the ones about beautiful girl and tall girl.

  1. I don't date Chinese girls... That's a big red flag for me...
  2. My girl friend wanted a nose job... So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough.
  3. What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night? A new last name
  4. Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
  5. I always wanted to marry a girl with nice big melons... Too bad she cantalope :(
  6. What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink? The Alaskan Bull Worm.
  7. I told my pregnant girl friend that she was as big as a 747. That did not fly.
  8. What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles? A Biceptual
  9. Me trying to impress my girl with big words Darling, you look absolutely... bovine
  10. Big girls are like mopeds I'll get drunk and wreck them too.
  11. What time of the year do big girls jump on trampolines?? Spring break..
  12. If you meet a girl that likes the Chinese national banner, that's a big red flag
  13. I never date girls from china... That's a big red flag.
  14. Big girls don't cry...
    They eat.
  15. why did the little girl keep a goldfish in her pocket? To smell like a big girl

Great Big Girl Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about big girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean big momma jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big girl pranks.

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".

A doctor was listening to a teenage girl's heart

"All right," he said, "take big breaths."
"What?" she said.
"Big breaths!"
"Yeth!" she said. "And I'm only thixteen!"

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

A young girl goes to the doctor and tells him she is feeling ill

So the doctor places the end of the stethoscope on her chest and says "Big breaths".
To which the girl replies "Thankth, I'm only thickthteen."

So I took this girl back to my place. While making
out, things started getting hot and heavy....

I take my pants off and give her a look. Offended, she says, "Woah, woah... don't you think that's being a little presumptuous?" So I replied, "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."

A Jumper

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.
The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit s**...," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you are wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing s**...?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl".
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!

First Impressions

A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"

So, I bumped into this cute g**... the way out of the grocery store...

We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.

So a 14 year old girl goes to the doctor for a checkup...

He puts the stethoscope up to her heart and says,
"Big breaths."
And she says,
"Thankth! I grew them mythelf!"

So I took a vacation to a big city in South Korea...

... and I met this amazing girl. She was beautiful, and we had just about everything in common. 7 years after that vacation I can happily call her my wife. I think it's easy to say that we're Seoul mates.

So I brought this girl back to my place

and even after lying in bed for an hour, things weren't heating up at all. Finally, I got frustrated and asked her, "so are we going to have s**..., or what?"
She replied all annoyed and said, "s**...? Isn't that presumptuous?"
So I shot right back at her, "'Presumptuous?' That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"

A guy is making out with a girl and things are going well...

When he thinks, "hey things are going my way quickly, so screw second base, I'm going for third."
He tries, but the girl backs off, and she says "wow, that's a little presumptuous don't you think?"
The man replies "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for an 8-year-old..."

I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party...

and she woke up with more clothes on.
(Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)

Another costume

A guy goes into a costume shop.
He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam."
The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."
She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…

and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeah—how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."

So I went on a date with this girl last night

Things were going well, so we ended up back at her place. Then things started going REALLY well, and we ended up in her bedroom. I looked around and saw that she had a king sized bed with Communist Party sheets.
Now that's a big red flag.

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

Today I walked up to some girls and asked if they liked guys with big d**...

They replied yeah.
I replied, "I'm sorry for wasting your time..." turned around and walked away awkwardly.

A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school.

So usually at about 3:15

Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)

I went out with a girl the other night who turned out to be really weird

I guess the fact that she said she was a communist should have been a big red flag

A man goes to apologize to his girlfriend

He buys a big bouquet of flowers, goes to her house and rings the doorbell. As his girlfriend opens the door he says:'' uhm well I'm sorry''. The girl responds:'' great, and now I suppose I have to spread my legs?!!?'' on which he says:''don't you have a vase?''

A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb

The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."

I met a pretty girl.

Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.

A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...

The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."

Paternal Payback

On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side? I asked.
Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl, Dad replied. Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.

A blonde says to another:

Guess what? I solved a puzzle this morning. The other girl says: so what? What's the big deal?
"Well, I solved it in half an hour when the instructions manual clearly stated '3-5 years".

As my two-and-a-half-year old granddaughter and I are about to go out the door, I look down.

As I looked down, our 'big girl' had her shoes on backwards. So I said, "Good job putting your shoes on by yourself, Love, but you have them on the wrong feet."
She looks down.
She looks back up at me and says with big innocent eyes, "But Grammy, I don't have any other feet?!" ♡♡

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

Girl about to jump of a bridge.....

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....

A long-awaited prize

So a rich dude wants to have s**... with a v**..., so he puts a girl into a convent until she reaches age of consent.
The big day comes and he's putting some l**... on his dingdong and the girls asks "what's that for?" He replies "so it doesn't hurt going in."
She replies "why don't you just spit on it like the monks do?"

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

A girl visits the Doctor.

The Doctor says "Big Breaths", to which the girl replies "yeth and I'm only thixteen!"

A girl with a lithp goes to a doctor.

The doctor puts his stethoscope on her chest and says "big breaths." The girl beams proudly and says "Yeth! I am only thixteen!"

An old lady told me this

You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?

I'm writing a TV show about a girl named Abigail who moves to the big city

It's called Downtown Abbie.

If girls with b**... work at h**..., where do girls with one leg work?

I-hop

I made an obesity joke the other day and this woman came up to me afterwards, quite a big b**... girl.

She said, "I think you're fatist!"
I said, "No. I think you're fattest."

The Alabama doctor was doing an exam. He said to the girl, "Big breaths."

She said, "Yea, and I'm only 14."

The Physical act of love

[When the couple were about to make love]
girl : i want you to hurt me.
boy : your sister's more successful than you.
girl : wait,
boy : not a big fan of the new haircut.
girl : stop please stop, it really hurts.

Two college kids are laying next to each other after s**....

The guy turns around and says: I have great nickname for you: Eve, since you are my first. Do you mind?
The girls responds: As long as I can call you JumboJet
- Sure thing! Is that because of big I am down there?
- No, you are my 747th.

A little girl runs to her mum

"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"

Two pregnant women on a bench were talking to each other.

They saw a fat guy with a big belly. On seeing the fat guy, one said, " I will give birth to a handsome boy." On this the other said, " I will give birth to you a beautiful girl."
With intention to make fun of the guy , they asked the fat guy, "What are you gonna give birth to?"
He said I am gonna give birth to a young elephant and drops his pants.
" See, the trunk's coming out".

At a costume party- Guy: What are you? Girl: I'm a Harp Guy: that looks a little big to be a harp.

Girl: Are you calling me a Lyre?

Oldie but goodie

Girl says to her mother I read better than half the other girls in my class Momma is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I can run faster than most of the other girls too momma, is it because I'm blonde ? Yes honey it's because you're blonde . I have big boobies too momma, and none of the other girls have anything, is that because I'm blonde too momma ? No sweetie that's because you're 24

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?
The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.
He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.
And pray
And pray
After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious
He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.

Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream g**...!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!
Translation - Big? Thanks!

If a girl with big b**... works at h**..., where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP!

---
I've been binging TAHM.

A young b**... girl was having a physical exam with her doctor.

Doctor: OK now, big breaths.
Patient: Yah, i know, and i'm only thixtheen

Big difference

There's a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
...
Joke is not mine.

Why do girls tend to make a big deal out of things when they are on their period?

Because they are o**... acting.

Giovanni said to his daughter, "I no like-a that Irish boy taking you out-a. He is-a rough and common, and besides-a, he is-a a big-a dumbbell!"

"No, papa," replied the girl, "Tim is the cleverest fella I know." "Why-a you say-a that?" "We have only been dating nine weeks and he has already cured me of that little illness I used to get every month!"

If big hairy, grizzly gay guys are bears...

Does that mean we can call big grizzly gay girls Klondikes?

A man was reading a newspaper

when his son suddenly barged into the living room. He was all sweaty and out of breath, but had a big smile on his face. Dad! exclaimed his son, I just lost my virginity! The man put down his newspaper and looked at his son proudly. The young man standing before him reminded him of his youth, when he was a p**... with a handful of girls. The man smiled and said, Sit down, son, and let me tell you a story. The son replied, I can't, Dad, it still hurts to sit.

Three blondes are on a walk

While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.

Speaking of a big fat b**...!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."

Tampons

A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID

Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

jokes about big girl