JokoJokes

Big Fish Jokes

52 big fish jokes and hilarious big fish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big fish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Big Fish Short Jokes

Short big fish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big fish humour may include short bad fish jokes also.

  1. There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.
  2. Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats. They call it "School Shootings".
  3. Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says: Don't be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.
    -I read this joke when I was five. I still think it's funny. -
  4. I thought my publication about fish living on land would be a big hit Too bad it was just a flop
  5. When I'm feeling down my friend keeps saying 'Cheer up, you could be stuck in a big fish, like Jonah!' I know he means whale.
  6. I caught a big fish! I was going to mount it, but there were people around!
    Source: Emo Philips
  7. A fisherman and his fish A fisherman caught a fish so big that he dislocated his shoulders describing it.
  8. A blind man is walking through the fish market... He takes a big sniff.
    "How do you, ladies?"
    Credit to Afroman song Dirty Rap
  9. A friend accidentally hooked himself while big game fishing yesterday. He said it was a big gaffe.
  10. A big morron and a little morron go fishing on bridge and the big morron falls in. Why doesn't the little morron fall in aswell? Cause he's a little more on.

Share These Big Fish Jokes With Friends




Big Fish One Liners

Which big fish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big fish? I can suggest the ones about fish catch and fishy.

  1. Went bass fishing the other day Caught a subwoofer this big!
  2. I went fishing and caught this really big fish. It was a hunky dory.
  3. What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather.
  4. Did you hear about the one armed fisherman? He caught a fish this big!
  5. What did the big fish say to the little fish?
  6. There was a big fight in the local chippy the other day The fish got battered
  7. What do you call a swimming doggo? A big ol' pupper fish
  8. what do use to lure really big fish? master bait

Hilarious Big Fish Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about big fish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dam fish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big fish pranks.

Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole.


The next door neighbor saw him and asked;
"Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?"
"My goldfish died, and I have to bury it."
"Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?"
"Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your s**... cat!"

The Blind Man

There was a blind man who had lived in a town for many years. Throughout his life he had learned the streets and knew where every building was: the school, the police station, the hospital etc.
One morning he was walking down the street, and he walked to the fish market where he stopped for a moment.
He then took a big breath and said "Good morning Ladies!"

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.
Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.
Bad news, a m**... tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.
In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.
And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".
Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.

A New Salesman

A young guy from N. J. moves to Fla. He goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a sales job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in New Jersey."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65."
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
"Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,
"So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft."
"Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK?!"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

A Texas Salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

Jesus and Moses and another guy go for a round of golf

So they all line up and Moses hits the ball first. It flies up and lands straight in the pond. Moses then walks to the pond and splits the water in half, chips his ball onto the green and pots it in for par.
Jesus then steps up, again hits it into the pond. He walks on the pond finds the ball chips it up onto the green for par.
This other guy looks at these two for a moment before stepping up to hit the ball. The ball flies up in the air before again landing in the pond. Amazingly a fish swallows the ball, just as it does this a big bird grabs it out of the pond, the fish drops the ball midair and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one!
Moses then turns to Jesus and goes "i hate playing with your dad"

Two twins, Tom and Harry.

There were two twins, Tom and Harry. Tom was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that Harry's wife died the same day Tom's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Tom and mistaking him for Harry said I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must be feeling terrible.
Tom, thinking she was talking about his boat said Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle
The old woman fainted hearing all this.

A young girl was digging a hole...

...one day when the neighbor passed by on his way home from work.
"What's the hole for?", the neighbor asked.
"It's for my fish", the little girl replied.
The neighbor left the girl to herself and sat down for dinner and afterwards stepped outside for some fresh air and saw the little girl still digging away.
"What's with making the hole do big, I thought it was for your fish.", the man said to the girl.
"It is. But it was in your cat"

THE EXPLANATION

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
p**... in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened p**... ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife
Jean, n**... with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable,
the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down p**...!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"p**.... I told you there must be a simple explanation ....
She never got your E-mail!"

A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery...

He strolls up to o**... serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?"
The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!"

How do you capture a polar bear?

Cut a big fishing hole in the ice. Wait for the polar bear to bend over the hole to fish. Then run up behind the polar bear and **kick it in the icehole!**

The Old Fisherman

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," replied the old man.
"Poor old chap.." thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth."

Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when

the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"

A boy was digging a hole in his yard

The neighbor walks up to him and asks why he's digging a hole.
And the boy says "My goldfish died."
The neighbor replied "Oh, I'm so sorry. That hole looks awfully big for a goldfish, though."
The boy turns around at the neighbor and says "Oh, I know. It's because my fish was in your cat."

A sexist, a racist and the president walk into a McDonalds.

The cashier says: "2 Big Macs, 2 Filet-O-Fishes and a large chocolate shake Mr. Trump?"

I asked a friend of mine if she was DTF

Judging by her reaction, she's not a big fan of fishing.

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.

"You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket"
But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.
"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."
The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens.
Game warden: So where are the fish?
Fisherman: What fish?

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.

A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go

The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.
Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.
One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded history.
A fellow fisherman passes by and is impressed.
"Wow! How did you get such a big chub?"
"I saw a plastic sturgeon!"

Two English gentlemen are fishing on a boat

As they are both fishing in silence, as gentlemen do, the one gets a big pull on his line. After a fair amount of fighting, he pulls a beautiful mermaid out of the water. As he is holding her, he looks at her head to tail: top half woman, and from the waist down fish.
The mermaid looks at him straight in the eye with an amorous look. Then, without saying a word, he drops her back into the water.
His friend, in complete disbelief, exclaims: "But why?"
To which the first replies: "But how?"

A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go

The Russian Says: We Used My Fishing Rod, So I Get First 2 Wishes.
First: I Want All The Capitalists Out Of My Glorious Country.
Second: I Want A Big Wall Around Russia, Nobody Can Cross.
Then Ukrainian Has A Dialogue With The Fish
- Is The Wall Done?
- Yes
- Is It Strong And Durable?
- Yes
- Nobody Can Climb It?
- Nobody
- And Nobody But Moscovites Inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then Fill It Up With s**... Up To The Edges

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...

He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"
The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"
\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"
Smile, nod, "thank you!"
"Some high-quality bait, too."
Big smile... "thank you!"
The young man peers down into the river... "you know, the fish don't really come through here this time of year..."
The fisherman: "Yeah, I know."
\- "Well, what are you fishing for?"
The fisherman shrugs, "Compliments."

God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....

A Dumb Blonde goes Ice Fishing

They head out onto the ice with their bucket, fishing gear, and a big drill. As they put the drill bit on the ice surface, a voice booms out from all around:
**DON'T DRILL INTO THE ICE!**
The dumb blonde looks around fearfully and says meekly, "G-G-God? Is... Is that you?"
The booming voice replies:
**NO. THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!**

2 newfies go fishing

So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.
The guy in the front says to his buddy:
" This is a great spot, we should mark it"
So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.
"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.
"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:
"We might not get the same boat next time"

It was raining hard...

...and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood by the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the puddle.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," replied the old man.
'Poor old fool,' thought the gentleman. So he invited him into the pub for a drink.
Just to start a conversation while they sipped their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And so how many have you caught?'
"You're the eighth."

jokes about big fish