Big Bang Jokes

100 big bang jokes and hilarious big bang puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about big bang that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Big Bang Short Jokes

Short big bang jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The big bang humour may include short bang jokes also.

  1. At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
  2. A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
  3. Trump's ego is so big... Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.
    -Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump
  4. If the big bang theory, how I met your mother and two and a half men had ever crossed over it would've been called How I banged your mother with two and a half men
  5. After the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor What happened before The Big Bang? He said, Sorry. There is no Time.
  6. Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God... I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far.
  7. Awful pick up line Are you my big toe?
    Because i want to bang you on every piece of furniture.
  8. I knew a girl so ugly, she fell asleep at a frat party... and she woke up with more clothes on.
    (Stolen from Big Bang theory, I just love this joke)
  9. Failed Pick-Up Lines: I wish you were my big toe.
    Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house..
  10. We were all created by a big bang Or according to most Mom's a quick somewhat disappointing one

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Big Bang One Liners

Which big bang one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with big bang? I can suggest the ones about explosion and galaxy.

  1. What happened before the Big Bang? Of course, The Big Foreplay.
  2. What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay.
  3. Hey girl, are you the big bang? Cause you're pretty hot, but very dense
  4. What came before the Big Bang? "Allahu Akbar!"
  5. I'd like to explain what happened before the big bang Unfortunately there's no time
  6. I wish you were my big toe So I could bang you on my coffee table
  7. I thought Samsung's would name their next phone Big Bang Cause their Galaxy blew up
  8. What followed the Big Bang? The Big Cigarette
  9. What do humans and the universe have in common? Both started with a big bang
  10. What do nerds and Creationists have in common? They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.
  11. What religion believes in the Big Bang? Islam.
  12. Scientists called it a big bang, Chuck Norris called it an alarm clock.
  13. Technically every person's life begins the same way the universe did: With a big bang
  14. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
  15. Allah must be the only God in the universe I mean, Earth was created with a Big Bang

Howlingly Hilarious Big Bang Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about big bang you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean atomic bomb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make big bang pranks.

Yo momma so fat that when she f**..., the second Big Bang occurred.

Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself.
We call it The Big Bang.

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.

There was no Big Bang at the beginning of the Universe, Chuck Norris simply sneezed.

There was no Big Bang.
Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.

When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.

The time Newfoundland went to war with Quebec

One time Newfoundland and Quebec went to war. A Newfie, being patriotic, signed up to fight and went into basic training. Now, Newfoundland was a poor province and the army didn't have enough guns so the guys was told to just pretend to have gun and shout "bang, bang".
Eventually he finished training and his unit was deployed. He still didn't have a gun so when they went up against the Quebeckers he did the only thing he knew, he pretended he had a gun and went "Bang, bang." Amazingly, when he did this the Quebeckers he was aiming at would fall down. So he kept going "Bang, bang" and was very effective as a soldier. He was a good shot.
Then, he looked up and saw a big Quebecker coming down the hill towards him. So he aimed and went "Bang, bang". The guy kept coming. "Bang, bang" - no effect. "Bang, bang" - no effect.
Eventually the Qiuebecker ran right over him and continued down the hill going "Tankity, tankity, tankity".

The Rich Old Man

A rich, brittle, 90 year old man walks into the doctors office for his usual check up. He sits down and waits until the doctor finally comes in:
Doc: Hows it goin fred?
Old Man: Good doc, but I gotta tell ya, something amazing has happened!
Doc: What that Fred?
Old man: Well, you know my girl friend is only 25 right?
Doc: Yes Fred I remember her, gorgeous girl!
Old man: Well doc, she's pregnant! I know thats normal for her but im 90 years old Doc! I must be some kind of super human! How is that even possible!
Doc: Well Fred... Let me tell you a story.... I knew a man once who lived in the middle of the woods, Sunday this man would wake up, grab his rifle that he kept next to the door, and walk out by the pond to try and shoot a b**.... Well as time went on he got older and older, and one Sunday morning this man woke up as usual and walked out the door... only this time... he grabbed his walking stick, thinking it was his rifle. he got to the pond and there sat a big beautiful b**..., the man raised his walking stick, still thinking it was his rifle, when all the sudden BANG!... the b**... dropped right on the log!
Old man: How is that possible?! All he had was a walking stick!
Doc: Thats where this story explains your situation Fred... Someone else shot their load into that b**....

Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy...

Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy, the last time he f**... it was quite a big deal. Scientifically speaking, they call it the big bang.

My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

The best & funniest part of The Big Bang Theory..,

is when I get the remote to change the channel.

What do they call it when mother nature and father time have s**...?

The big bang.

I want to treat you like my big toe

and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.

Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)

I have a theory on how to bang large woman

It's called the big bang theory

Guy joins the Army...

... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"

There is a new show about Conspiracy Nuts talking about the worlds fattest man having s**....

It's called "The Big Bang Theory."

What does Neil Degrasse Tyson call o**......

...the big bang
courtesy of reds

You hear about the kids book that explains the Big Bang and Big Crunch to children?

"One Shift, Two Shift, Red Shift, Blue Shift." By Doppler Seuss.

What is a s**... bomber's favorite TV show?

The Big Bang Theory.

How the universe started

When Adam and Eve did their *big bang*

big bang

There is neither big nor bang in big bang..
It's just sudden expansion from nothing..

How does an atheist girl have her hair done?

In big bangs!

Your mom is so fat...

The last time she had s**..., they called it the Big Bang!

Scientists have a new working theory on what happened before the Big Bang.

Your mom put an ad on Craigslist.

What do you and the universe have in common?

You both started with a Big Bang.
(I've known this joke for a longtime and I don't remember if I made it)

What do you call an Atheist o**...?

The Big Bang.

What does the universe and every human being share in common?

They were both created with a Big Bang.

Rick and morty recently surpassed Big Bang Theory as the highest rated comedy on television...

In other news, apparently Big Bang Theory is supposed to be funny.

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.

What do your birth and the universe have in common?

They both started with a big bang.

What was the first o**... called?

The big BANG

What do you get when you combine How I Met Your Mother, 2 and a Half Men, and The Big Bang Theory

How 2 and a Half Men Banged Your Mother.

Remember folks, we all wouldn't be here if it were not for the big Bang. 😉

And all the smaller subsequent ones.

Islam makes more sense than Christianity

Because the universe was created with the Big Bang.

Creation of humans

Friend: How were humans created?
Me: It all started with the big bang, and some other bangs

Do you remember when Pop got big?

It went BANG!

I was trying to think of what the universe was like before the big bang.

Nothing came to mind.

What do you call an o**... without protection?

The Big Bang, as a lot of existence just got started.

A flat-earth guy was driving his van.

Then: a big bang. All of a sudden, the round thing was flat.

What do atheists scream in the bedroom?

# Big Bang ! Oh Big..... Bang !

What do you call an o**... in space?

*The big bang*

Nakamushi! Nakamushi!

A businessman is on his first trip to Japan. To relax himself the night before his big meeting he gets a call girl. While he's b**... her she keeps on screaming
Nakamushi! Nakamushi! which he assumes is a complement on his s**... prowess.
The next his meeting goes well and he's invited to play golf with the Japanese CEO. The CEO sinks a particular long putt for a birdie and the businessman thinks 'I'll impress him with some Japanese' so he applauds the CEO and says
Nakamushi! Nakamushi! But the CEO frowns at him and says
What do you mean 'Wrong hole! Wrong hole'?

Whats at the centre of a big bang?

The hedgehog.

Why do nerds think Ron Jeremy is a God?

Because he always comes with (and in) a big bang.

Don't ask a busy scientist what was before the big bang.

They'll just say there's no time.

My son asked me how his life started...

I sat down with him and I said, son it all started with a big bang ....
He said, No dad, I know about that, I mean MY life
I said, Thats what i meant, it was me, your mother, and 4 other dudes ....

OK, before the press conference starts

Get onto your broker and go big on Domestos, Cillit Bang, Lysol and Toilet Duck.

What do you call a physicist o**...?

The Big Bang

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption

I guess it must've startled everything

I wish you were my big toe.

Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.

If the Big Bang happened 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed, and all of our bodies are made up of matter, that means we are 13.8 billion years old.

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

A couple of italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"I don't know."
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

A guy is relaxing at home when he hears a loud b**... on his front door. He opens the door to discover his next-door neighbor standing there looking outraged. "

What's the matter Bill?" he asks the neighbor. "I found your son's name written with pee in the snow between our houses!" he responds. "What's the big deal? He's a kid. Kids do that stuff". I'll tell you the big deal! It was in my daughter's handwriting!"

My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe it!!? Luckilly I was still up playing music.

He banged and shouted ' can we have a little respect please!'
I shouted back..., 'I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this one's for you!'

According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!!!!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.
They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"
I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

jokes about big bang