The Best 27 Bid Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bid jokes. There are some bid nomination jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bid bidder puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bid Jokes and Puns

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

A man sits down at a children's park

A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.

Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"

The man replies "I haven't decided yet."

You know you're getting old when

when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

Happy Cake Day to me!

I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions.

So I bid her farewell.

In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off...

With rapidly detiorating mental health.

Where can you bid on internet mail order brides?


So Rick Perry drops his presidential bid Today..

I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions.

What were Hitler's last words?

I bid you a-jew

How do people in the Middle East bid farewell to each other?

They Dubai

You can explore bid proposal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bid powerball dad jokes. There are also bid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day?

"I bid you fair well"

Why did Henry VII's bid for the English crown cost so much to insure?

It was a Tudor coup

If Donald Trump becomes president, he pledges to prohibit the sales of pre-grated cheese....

Apparently it's in a bid to make America grate again!

(*I'm sorry i'll leave now*)

Does anyone know how to cancel eBay bids?

I bid Β£10 on a cowboy outfit and I'm about 5 minutes away from owning the Tory Party.

What did the Frenchman with bad allergies say when he had to leave the dinner party?

My sincerest apologies but I bid you all ACHOO.

How do you bid farewell to your pet rock?

You let it roll.

What did the government say to the contractor who thought they won the bid but complained when they found out otherwise?

Did you just assume my vendor?

A coin was thrown on the pitch at Ibrox...

Police are still investigating if it was used as a missile or a takeover bid.

My nieces are darlings...

My nieces are darlings said Sid.

I'm obliged to do whatever they bid.

As I tucked them in bed,

I asked "What's to be read?"

"Uncle Remus!" they cried, so I did.


Two civil engineers were competing for a bid to do the road layout for a city. The engineer that lost accused the other of cheating, to which the winner said "Roundabouts are fair play".

Being PC

In a bid to be more politically correct a funeral home has announced plans to use new funeral cars.

They have set plans to introduce the new line as his and hearse funeral cars.

RedSox has a AAA farm team the PawSoxs

The team is in Pawtucket RI. They wanted to move to Cumberland RI, thankfully they lost the bid.

Why can't US Presidents play bridge together?

Because Donald gets confused whenever someone makes a bid of No Trumps.

After losing his bid to become a senator, Roy Moore has announced that he wants to learn the guitar and become a musician.

I don't know why my Ex-Fiance keeps calling me...

I left her at the alter, I even bid her adieu!

PressTV-Iran v-ballers bid farewell to FIVB league

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bid governor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bid presidency piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes