The Best 67 Bicycle Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bicycle jokes. There are some bicycle rides jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bicycle bike puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Bicycle Jokes and Puns

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.

He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"

"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.

"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."

"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"

Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.

"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.

"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

What do you call a nun on a bicycle?

virgin mobile

"What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket, Officer?"

"Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

A guy walks in a bar asks the bartender

"Isn't that Bush sitting over there?" Guy walks over and says:"Wow,this is a real honor.What are you doing here?"
Bush:"We're planning WWIII.
Guy:"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush:"Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
Guy exclaimed:"Bicycle repairman! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell,punches him onο»Ώ the shoulder and says:"See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

jokes about bicycle

Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....

The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:


A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin...

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. Hitler says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. Hitler says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. Hitler turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?

The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.

Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.

Bicycle joke, Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.

Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.

Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!

Q: Can February March?

A: No, but April May.

Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?

A: Homiecide

"Fish tanks are stupid!"

"Why?"

"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle

Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead

You can explore bicycle tandem reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bicycle headlight dad jokes. There are also bicycle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.

An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.

"What do you have in this sack?"

"Sand."

"Well let me check."

The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.

The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.

"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"

And the man replied.

"Bicycles."

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was *two tired*.

Life is like a bicycle

A black will probably take it.

Bicycle joke, Life is like a bicycle

I took some roadkill I hit home to barbeque for dinner,

On a related note... anyone have any use for a child's bicycle and backback?

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

What's the difference between a man wearing pajamas on a bicycle and a guy wearing a tuxedo on a unicycle

Attire


A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on...

A police constable stops him and asks: "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many politicians pass from here".

The boy innocently replies, "Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle".

dog keeps chasing people...

I've really had it with my dog, says a guy to his neighbour. He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.

Hmmm, that is a problem, says the neighbour. What are you going to do about it?

Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle."

His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is."

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.

The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.

This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here

The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it

What's the difference between a businessman on a tricycle and a homeless man on a bicycle?

Attire.

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle

Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."Β 

Bicycle joke, An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

I can't decide what to buy for my farm?

Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?

Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.

Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!

What do you call the crack dealer on a bicycle?

A drug peddler


Patrick wants a bike...

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3.
Hitler says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman."
The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"

A guy walks into a bike store with his overweight wife

He tells the clerk, I'd like a bicycle built for two, and one for me.

What's the difference between a poorly-dress man on a bicycle, and a well dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

Actually wait, there's two differences.

Attire, and a tire.

What am I supposed to do with this? "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."


[at auto mechanic]

\[at auto mechanic\]

MECHANIC: Can I help you?

ME: My car won't start

MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle

ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening?

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

Because it's two-tired.

What's the difference between a formally dressed person on a tricycle and a poorly dressed person on a bicycle?

A tire

I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.

I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.

I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.

So I drank all the JD before I rode back.

Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

Today I came out to find my bicycle was gone

I called the police and within a matter of hours they had tracked down the thief, He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired!

Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

Spy

A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.

That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire!

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

Trump and McConnell are in a restaurant

They are discussing their plans to invade Iran. A man walks by their table, intrigued by their conversation and asks them what they are talking about.

Trump explains to the man, We're going to invade Iran and kill 10 million Iranians and one bicycle repairman.

The man exclaims, Why would you kill a bicycle repairman!

Trump turns back to McConnell and tells him, See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Iranians!

An engineering student rides up to his fellow engineering student on a bicycle

His buddy asks him "Where did you get the bicycle?"

"Crazy story! A beautiful blonde rode up to me in this bike, got off, stripped off all her clothes, and told me "take what you want!""

"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyways..."

I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...

I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

2 nuns go for a bicycle ride around the Vatican.

The first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun says "yeah, must be the cobblestones."

Why was the bicycle unable to move?

Because it was two tired.

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

One day Stalin and Hitler were debating about starting another war.

A guy hears them and asks what they are talking about.

Stalin says, "We're going to start another war this time a billion and a half people and a bicycle repairman will die."

Confused the guy asks, "Why a bicycle repairman?"

Stalin turns to Hitler and says, "See, I told you no one would care about a billion and a half people."

When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that's not how prayer works.

So I stole a bike...and prayed for forgiveness.

A pastor discovered his bicycle had been stolen

He decided to use it as inspiration for that week's sermon, and began writing on the Ten Commandments, especially thou shalt not steal


Then he got to thou shalt not commit adultery and remembered where he left his bike.

I grew up in a religious household and I used to pray and ask God for a bicycle

As I got older I learned that God and praying didn't work this way. So I stole a bicycle and ask God to forgive me

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.

The younger boy began praying at the top of his voice. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE!"

the older brother leaned over and nudged his younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

"No, but Grandma is!" the little brother replied

Ever heard about the serial killer on a bicycle?

He was a cyclopath.

What do you call a flower salesman?

A petal peddler.

What if he sold steel flowers?
A metal petal peddler.

What if he got a bicycle?
A pedaling metal petal peddler.

What if he won a race?
A medaling pedaling metal petal peddler.

What if he won by tricking others?
A medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler.

What if he didn't win by enough?
A petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler.

What if he stood up to calls to disqualify him?
A petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler with mettle.

What if this whole situation just made him sad and withdrawn, with no one to support him?
A pitiful petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler with mettle.

My niece asked me to pretend I'm a bicycle.

I said I'm two tired.

My dad told me this joke and wanted to share it

One of my dad's teachers when he went to school, came each day with a bicycle and he was always on time.

But one day the teacher was a bit late. But when my dad saw him running into the school with his bicycle by his side he asked;"Why are you dragging your bicycle beside you"

And the teacher replied;"Oh, you see I was late, so I didn't want to waste time getting on the bike"

Equally Logical - Jewish parable from 1948

A group of Nazis surrounded an elderly Berlin Jew and demanded of him, "Tell us Jew, who caused the war?"

The little Jew was no fool. "The Jews," he said, then added, "and the bicycle riders."

The Nazis were puzzled. "Why the bicycle riders?"

"Why the Jews?" answered the little old man.

A small village's pastor's bicycle was stolen

And he was discussing what to do with the choir master.

"I know, I'll do a sermon on the ten commandments, and when I get to 'thou shalt not steal', I'll pause and look everybody in the eye to see who looks guilty".

After church, the choir master asked the vicar if he'd worked out who the thief was?

"Well, as it happened, when I got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I'd left it"

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren't there, so I asked, Okay, who are you? She responded...

I'm his spokes person."

Why did the bicycle need a nap?

Because he was two tired!

TIL, Hippos can run faster than humans on land and swimmer faster in water

But still you can defeat them in a triathlon as they don't know how to ride a bicycle

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bicycle triathlon puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bicycle motorbike piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes