Bicycle Jokes
149 bicycle jokes and hilarious bicycle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bicycle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of bicycle jokes - bicycle crash jokes, bicycle riding jokes, bicycle related jokes, bicycle mechanic jokes, practical jokes on bicycle riders, tricycle jokes, tandem jokes and more! Laugh out loud with these funny jokes on the topic of bicycling today!
Quick Jump To
- Short Bicycle Jokes
- Bicycle One Liners
- Bicycle Riding Jokes
- Riding Bicycle Jokes
- Bicycle Day Jokes
- Bicycle Crash Jokes
- Bicycle Rider Jokes
- More Bicycle Jokes
Funniest Bicycle Short Jokes
Short bicycle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bicycle humour may include short bikes jokes also.
- What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
- I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me... Until I rode pasta.
- What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
- What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire
- When I was a kid I prayed every night for a new bicycle Then I learned the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness instead
- A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - Nun joke Two nuns were bicycling down an old dirt road on the countryside. One nun says, "I've never come this way before." The other replies, "It's the cobblestones."
- What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
- Two nuns are riding bicycles through the streets of Rome. "I've never come this way before" says the first nun.
The second nun replies: "It's the cobblestones." - Driver : "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer : "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
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Bicycle One Liners
Which bicycle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bicycle? I can suggest the ones about cyclist and motorcycle.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- I like my women how I like my bicycles, chained up in the garage.
- Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired.
- why can't a bicycle fly?... Because it's two tired!
- How many kids with adhd does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride our bicycles?
- What do you call the crack dealer on a bicycle? A drug peddler
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*.
- My niece asked me to pretend I'm a bicycle. I said I'm two tired.
- Ever heard about the serial killer on a bicycle? He was a cyclopath.
- Why was the bicycle unable to move? Because it was two tired.
- Life is like a bicycle A black will probably take it.
- Why did the bicycle need a nap? Because he was two tired!
- Why couldn't the Bicycle compete in the Tricycle race? Because it was two-tired.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? It was two tired...
- Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Because they're "two tired"
Bicycle Riding Jokes
Here is a list of funny bicycle riding jokes and even better bicycle riding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL, Hippos can run faster than humans on land and swimmer faster in water But still you can defeat them in a triathlon as they don't know how to ride a bicycle
- 2 nuns go for a bicycle ride around the Vatican. The first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun says "yeah, must be the cobblestones."
- Two Dutch girls Two dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "
- What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle? Attire.
- Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome . One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before." The other Nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."
- People who get road rage against people riding bicycles. They've got serious cyclelogical issues.
- Two nuns riding Down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, "I've never come this way before." The other nun replies, "neither have i, it's probably the cobbles."
- Two nuns are riding their bicycles to the Vatican First nun shouts to the other "I've never come this way before!"
The second nun replies "don't worry it's just the cobblestones." - What does a bicycle say after a long ride? "I'm two tired!"
- What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? The road.
Riding Bicycle Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding bicycle jokes and even better riding bicycle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like my women how I like my bicycle Hanging in my garage until I want to go for a ride
- Stop signs are red, traffic lights are green, I ride a bicycle, and have no idea what that means.
- How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike? Because you never forget!
- Two nuns are riding bicycles down a bumpy road... One turns to the other and say "I never came this way before".
- Why is the tomato red? Because it's angry that it can't ride a bicycle.
- Two nuns are riding bicycles back to the convent. The first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun replies, "I know... its the cobblestones."
- What's worse than being the village bicycle? Being the village bicycle that no one wants to ride.
- I asked my bicycle to take me for a ride ... ... but it was two tired.
- A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle . Always wet but nothing to ride
- What does a tweaker and a Jehovah's Witness have in common? Both ride bicycles and are on a mission.
Bicycle Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny bicycle day jokes and even better bicycle day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After a busy day, when we get into bed we become bicycles. Too tired.
- Two nuns were riding a bicycle having the time of their lives. At the end of the day, one nun says to the other: "It's getting late, I need to put the seat back on."
- I watched a documentary about bicycles the other day The other day I watched a really inspiring documentary about bicycles. You could say that it really spoke to me.
- I lost my bicycle license. I didn't block the road for an entire day.
- I made a nine-wheeled bicycle the other day. I called it... the Non-sencycle.
- I ran into my X the other day. Now I have to get my bicycle repaired.
- After a long day, I feel like a bicycle Because I'm too tired
Bicycle Crash Jokes
Here is a list of funny bicycle crash jokes and even better bicycle crash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the blind girl c**... her bicycle? Because someone threw a washing machine at her.
Bicycle Rider Jokes
Here is a list of funny bicycle rider jokes and even better bicycle rider puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What vehicle do bicycle riders take to the hospital? An Ambulance Armstrong
Uplifting Bicycle Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about bicycle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean biking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bicycle pranks.
What did the poor ghetto dweller get for Christmas?
Your bicycle.
the case for the lost bicycle
A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."
What do you call a nun on a bicycle?
v**... mobile
"What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket, Officer?"
"Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
Why did the bicycle not enter the car race?
It was too tired.
A guy walks in a bar asks the bartender
"Isn't that Bush sitting over there?" Guy walks over and says:"Wow,this is a real honor.What are you doing here?"
Bush:"We're planning WWIII.
Guy:"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush:"Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."
Guy exclaimed:"Bicycle repairman! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell,punches him on the shoulder and says:"See, d**...! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
What do you call three l**... on a bicycle?
A trike
Did you hear about the motorbike who came out to his parents?
He was bi-cycle
Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.
One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....
The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin...
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. h**... says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. h**... says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. h**... turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.
Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.
They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?
The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.
Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
Two engineers are meeting for lunch
Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
I was with my friend on a new bicycle
Bob: Nice bicycle man. Is it new? Where'd you get it?
Me: Dude, the weirdest thing. I was just walking down the street and this very attractive woman on a bike stopped in front of me, dropped the bike, stripped n**... and said: "Take whatever you want big boy"
Bob: Good call. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
Why was the bicycle lying on the side of the road?
It was two tired.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called 'Road-Kill Recipes'
I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I'm just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
I took some roadkill I hit home to barbeque for dinner,
On a related note... anyone have any use for a child's bicycle and backback?
Why did the unicycle win the race?
Because the bicycle was two tired.
What's the difference between a man wearing pajamas on a bicycle and a guy wearing a tuxedo on a unicycle
Attire
A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on...
A police constable stops him and asks: "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many politicians pass from here".
The boy innocently replies, "Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle".
Two Nuns riding home from church on a tandem bicycle...
Suddenly the nun in front steers the bike down a very bumpy road - not their normal rout.
Curious, the nun on the back asks, "Have you come this way before, sister?"
Nun in front replies, "Yes... I think it's the *cobblestones!"*
dog keeps chasing people...
I've really had it with my dog, says a guy to his neighbour. He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.
Hmmm, that is a problem, says the neighbour. What are you going to do about it?
Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.
The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.
This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here
The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it
What's the difference between a businessman on a tricycle and a homeless man on a bicycle?
Attire.
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle
Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?"
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own?
Because it was two-tyred.
I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day
I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..
I got pulled over for speeding today and as the officer was handing me my ticket, I sarcastically asked, "What am I supposed to do with this!?"
He chuckled, "Just hold on to it and when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
I can't decide what to buy for my farm?
Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?
Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.
Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!
What do you call a bicycle made of paper?
A tearable bike
Classes for "How to fix a flat tyre" will commence tonight
Please make sure to bring your bicycle.
If you can't make it, there's no pressure.
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin.
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3.
h**... says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman."
The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?"
h**... turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"
If a man opens a cycling shop...
...is he a bicycle peddler?
A guy walks into a bike store with his overweight wife
He tells the clerk, I'd like a bicycle built for two, and one for me.
What's the difference between a poorly-dress man on a bicycle, and a well dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Actually wait, there's two differences.
Attire, and a tire.
What am I supposed to do with this? "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
[at auto mechanic]
\[at auto mechanic\]
MECHANIC: Can I help you?
ME: My car won't start
MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle
ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening?
I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle v**..., put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...
...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...
What's the difference between a formally dressed person on a tricycle and a poorly dressed person on a bicycle?
A tire
A kid goes up to his father and asks for a bicycle.
His dad says, "If you can spell it out correctly, I'll get you one."
The kid thinks for a bit, then says, "Can I get a car instead?"
A nun turns her bicycle down an unfamiliar, cobblestone lane.
"Oh, well I've never come this way before."
I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.
I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the JD before I rode back.
Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Today I came out to find my bicycle was gone
I called the police and within a matter of hours they had tracked down the thief, He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
I used to pray every night for a bicycle.
Then I realized the Lord doesn't work like that. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Spy
A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
My bicycle can't stand up by itself.
I'm sure that it is two tired.
Trump and McConnell are in a restaurant
They are discussing their plans to invade Iran. A man walks by their table, intrigued by their conversation and asks them what they are talking about.
Trump explains to the man, We're going to invade Iran and kill 10 million Iranians and one bicycle repairman.
The man exclaims, Why would you kill a bicycle repairman!
Trump turns back to McConnell and tells him, See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Iranians!
Driver: "Officer, what am I supposed to do with this s**... ticket?"
Officer: "Keep it. When you have enough of them, you get a bicycle".
My dad works for a company that makes bicycle wheels....
He's the spokesman.
Today I saw a guy with bicycle, I thought that was mine
But mine was chained up in basement asking for food
An engineering student rides up to his fellow engineering student on a bicycle
His buddy asks him "Where did you get the bicycle?"
"Crazy story! A beautiful blonde rode up to me in this bike, got off, stripped off all her clothes, and told me "take what you want!""
"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyways..."
I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...
I got a bottle of v**... and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the v**... and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.
How to best a hippo
A Hippopotamus can outrun you on land, and swim faster than you in the water - so the bicycle is your only chance to beat him in a triathlon.
What is a noodle's favorite bicycle race?
The Tour de Lini
Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own?
Because it is two tired
What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
I got my son a bicycle for his birthday once.
I bought the bike from a reputed bicycle store and it was top of the line.
When my son's birthday came around, I unveiled it to him.
My son immediately started to cry and scream at me.
Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little s**....
