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Bible Jokes

155 bible jokes and hilarious bible puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bible that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Bible jokes are a great way to lighten the mood and have some fun with friends and family. Here are some of our favorites.

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Popular Bible Short Jokes

Short bible jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bible humour may include short biblical jokes also.

  1. If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
  2. Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
    Trump 20:16
  3. Hey girl, are you the Bible? 'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.
  4. if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief? The Bible.
  5. My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket. So he had something to read as he bled to death.
  6. The Holy Bible teaches us to love one another... ...the Kama Sutra is a bit more specific.
  7. The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
  8. Why do old people start reading the bible more often? They are studying for their final exam.
  9. Christian's these days only believe in like 12.5% of the Bible I swear most are Eighth-iest
  10. guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible... he said he's an eighth theist

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Bible One Liners

Which bible one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bible? I can suggest the ones about new testament and religion.

  1. The Bible and the Quran tell us to love each other The Kamasutra is more specific.
  2. The Bible tells us to love each other. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.
  3. When is the Bible accurate? When it's thrown from a short distance.
  4. Jesus' life told by the bible 1. baby
    2. ???
    3. prophet
  5. I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. Which makes me an eighth theist.
  6. I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible I'm an eighth theist
  7. When is the bible accurate? When thrown from close range
  8. I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth-theist.
  9. Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing? It doesn't have any answers.
  10. The Holy Bible tells us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is more specific.
  11. Why do old people read the bible so much? Cramming for finals :)
  12. I only believe 12.5% of the Bible I'm an 8th theist.
  13. I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible... ... I guess that makes me an 1/8 thiest.
  14. I went running with my Bible... ...now my Psalms are sweaty.
  15. Hey Girl, are you a bible? Cause you look like you haven't been picked up in a long time.

Christianity Bible Jokes

Here is a list of funny christianity bible jokes and even better christianity bible puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you starve a right wing christian? Hide their money in their bible.
  • What's the difference between Christians and Jews? Christians get guilt from the Bible. Jews get it from their mother.
  • If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs? The same.
  • As a Christian I can't Believe there are Billy Idol Cover Bands The Bible is very clear that we should not have False Idols
  • Trump's Twitter is like the Christian Bible Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views
  • Idk how some Christians can justify their homophobia Jesus literally gets nailed by a bunch of men in the Bible.
  • Justin Timberlake was a devout christian during his N-Sync days. He was always reading his Bye Bye Bible.
  • As a Christian I always take the holy bible into the bathroom to read And I don't stop till all Acts are done
  • I asked this christian how many bibles she had in her backpack And she told me it was nun of my business
  • I read the bible. Some things I adhere to and I force other to do the same. Some things I don't like. I think they are BS. I guess you could say that I am an UnevenGelical Christian.

Christian Bible Jokes

Here is a list of funny christian bible jokes and even better christian bible puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is a vegetarian mathematician always a good Christian? Because in the Bible it says "be fruitful and multiply"
  • How do you hide money from a Fundamentalist Christian? Put it in a Bible.
  • You know those people using bibles on their phones? They are using phony bibles.
Bible joke

Coffee Bible Jokes

Here is a list of funny coffee bible jokes and even better coffee bible puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My husband doesn't believe me that the Bible instructs him to make the coffee in the morning. It's there, clear as day. Hebrews.
  • All men should make coffee for their woman It says it right in the bible: "Hebrew"
  • Women aren't supposed to make coffee. The Bible says.. Hebrews
  • Did you know it's forbidden for women to make coffee? In the bible it says... He-Brews
  • In a relationship, the husband should always be the one who makes coffee for his wife. It says so right in the bible. Hebrews
  • There exists a book of The Bible that guides man on how to make coffee It is The Book of Hebrews
  • Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
    I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Bible joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bible can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bible puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Bible Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about bible you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean gospel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bible prank.

I'm reading a book that compares the different versions of the Bible.

Turns out, there is a lot of cross referencing.

By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"

The real reason Washington state passed Gay-marriage and recreational m**... use.

Because the bible says when two men lie together, they should be s**....

2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

Proof that Jesus and his disciples were all Mexicans...

It says in the Bible that they all traveled in one accord!

An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.

The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"

A short, crisp, Christianity joke Which I promise is offensive in no way.

So it's early in the morning and the married couple wakes up, both ready for their morning coffee, but none of them are willing to do it. So the wife say's to her husband, " You know, the bible say's that men should make the coffee." Curious the husband asks why and his wife replies "*Hebrews*"

This year I got my wife the Baking Bible for Christmas

because last year I got her the Baking Quran, which really blew up in my face.

I love you unconditionally*. -God

*Terms and conditions apply.
See Bible for more details.

After s**..., a lot of people like to smoke a cigarette.

As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke w**... after s**.... After all, in the bible it says "if a man lies with another man, he should be s**...."

Why do old people read the bible so much?

I asked my grandad the other day "why do old people read the bible so much?"
He replied "cause we're cramming for finals"

Timbuktu

Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about "Timbuktu".
The priest began:
"I was a father, all my life,
had no children, had no wife.
I read the Bible, through and through.
On my way to Timbuktu."
Then the Australian told his version:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two!"

My gay friend told me he's spending this 4/20 with his boyfriend.

He said, "After all, the Bible says 'Two men who lie together shall be s**...'."

Isis and the Christian man

An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

m**... should've been legalized at the same time as same s**...-marriage

because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be s**...

the Bible says

"If a man is to lay with another man he should be s**...." in my experience it helps

Did you know the Bible forbids sunbathing in Greece?

That means it is a sin to go to Cos and get a tan.

"How much would you say you read the Bible?"

"Well, I don't read it religiously."
Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, noah is the only one with an arc.

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Who was the best financier in the Bible?

Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.

There is a bible book all about beer...

Its called Hebrews

Did you know that Jesus is gay?

Yeah. It says it in the Bible. He got nailed by a few Roman centurions.

The bible says "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you"

But I think that's s**... harassment.

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed..

... in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible.
Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it.
As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting left and right.
Curious, his wife asked, "What are you doing, honey?"
"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning....

The wife claims, "You should do it, because you get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that; show me!"
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

The bible purposely leaves out the decade of Jesus' life in his 20s because he was clearly a ladies man...

I mean, he can turn water into wine, and was well hung. What do you expect!

What's one of the most followed fantasy books?

The Bible.

I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet…

When I'd finished, it said, "Saved."

Why was Noah the best business man in the bible?

He floated his stock while everyone else was being liquidated

The Bible says 'a man who lies with another man should be s**...'

I mean, it's not essential, but it helps.

"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

"Not Gutenberg?!"
"Yeah, that was it"
"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"
"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"

I once asked my pastor what the Bible says about m**....

He told me it's difficult to say when all the pages are stuck together.

I have no idea why people say the bible is anti gay

I definitely remember something about Jesus getting nailed

My favourite part of the Bible, Psalm:

body once told me the world was gonna roll me.

Did you know people did drugs in the Bible?

That guy Stephen got s**....

Yo mama so old...

...she preordered the Bible.

By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be s**...." [Leviticus 20:13]

A Christian couple

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don't you brew us some coffee?"

Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
What? Why?

"It's all over the Bible, dearest."

"The Bible says nothing about who's supposed to be brewing coffee!"

The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

If you want to learn about the religious influence of Shrek, open your bible to Psalm

body once told me...

What do you call a bookclub that's been stuck on the same book for years?

Bible studies!

A nice Christian joke

A man asks his wife to make him coffee, she refuses and states that he should instead make her coffee. He asks her why he should make her coffee and she says it's because the Bible says so. He states that if she can proove that the Bible says so he will fold and make her a cup of coffee. So she takes out a Bible, opens the Bible, points and says... Hebrew

One day, these parents wanted to find out what their Son was going to be when he grew up,

So they put a $100 bill, a bible and a whiskey bottle on a table.
If he picked up the $100 bill, it means that he was going to be a businessman, if he picked up the whiskey bottle, it means that he was going to be in the entertainment industry, and if he picked up the bible, it means that he was going to be a pastor.
The child came in and picked up the bible, his Mother smiled.
Then he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a swig of it then proceeded to pocket the $100 bill and left.
Well I'll be d**... the father said
He's going to become a politician.

Little Johnny coming home from the store

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a goodopportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.

He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.

The Bible says it's okay to be gay

So long as you're high
Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be s**...."

Who was the most learned person in the Bible?

Abraham. He knew a Lot.

Where does baseball appear in the Bible?

Genesis
In the Big Inning.

Have you heard the one about the parrot?

Have you heard the one about the parrot that memorized the entire Bible?
Yeah, appearently the bird is the word.

What's the most unrealistic thing about the Bible?

A 30 year old man with 12 close friends.

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."

The bible is 100% accurate

When thrown at a close range...

I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible

I guess that makes me an eighth-theist

Which bible verse does a priest say often to the altar boy?

**Psalm 81:10.**

**....** open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway...

The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.

Little known fact, Moses had a motorcycle

It literally says so in the Bible:
"And lo, the roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout Israel"

In the bible, Samson was a tough man.

But his father Samsonite was a real hard case.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician we're arguing over the oldest profession

The doctor said "in the Bible, Eve was made from Adam's rib, so the first profession was a surgeon." The engineer said, "God made the earth from chaos in 7 days, so engineering is the first profession." The politician said, "who do you think you made the chaos?"

Bible joke, A doctor, an engineer, and a politician we're arguing over the oldest profession

jokes about bible

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bible jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.