Bible Verse Jokes
26 bible verse jokes and hilarious bible verse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bible verse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bible Verse Short Jokes
Short bible verse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bible verse humour may include short bible jokes also.
- Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16 - Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!
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Bible Verse One Liners
Which bible verse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bible verse? I can suggest the ones about christian bible and bible study.
- What's a priest's favorite non-bible verse? It's not adultery if they're not adults
- This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid. Lunch 11:35.
- What Bible verse keeps every student going? Lunch 11:35.
- Today's Bible verse would be according to Psalm- -BODY once told me
- Just finished reading the bible My favorite verse?
Ezekiel 25:17 - My pastor spits fire bible verses at parties... His magician name is Sir Preach-A-Lot
- Why is the shortest verse in the bible Jesus Wept? Because Jesus Cries
Gather Around for Heartwarming Bible Verse Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about bible verse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hebrew bible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bible verse pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which bible verse does a priest say often to the altar boy?
**Psalm 81:10.**
**....** open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.
When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .
When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.
Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isis and the Christian man
An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
Timbuktu
Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about "Timbuktu".
The priest began:
"I was a father, all my life,
had no children, had no wife.
I read the Bible, through and through.
On my way to Timbuktu."
Then the Australian told his version:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two!"
The Bible does not condemn homosexuality
The verse most people bring up is Leviticus 18:22, which says "Thou shall not lie with a man as thou would with a woman." This line has nothing to do with homosexuality.
What the verse actually means is that it's ok to lie when your wife asks if she looks fat but not when your buddy does.
A priest is on a plane sitting right next to a woman. She is so beautiful and has such magnificent proportions that the priest is having a hard time keeping is eyes off of her body.
In a moment of weakness, he lays his hands on her legs and as he does, the woman looks at him, and tells him: "psalm 134:2".
Embarrassed, the priest takes his hand off of her legs and doesn't speak to her for the rest of the flight. When he reaches home, he immediately searches for his Bible and looks up the verse that the woman told him. It reads:
"Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the Lord!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you m**...?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-h**...-snackbar, you can go.
Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you took that risk. If he knew you recited a verse from Bible he would have killed us.
Christian guy: Don't worry, if he knew Quran he wouldn't be member of ISIS.
_________________________
EDIT :
**Dein Beitrag wurde vergoldet!**
What does that mean? Oh! Thanks for the gold ( not sure if I should reveal the user name, I always see people write thanks for the gold stranger )
A new bishop was visiting the homes in the ward
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "revelation 3:20" on the back of the card and stuck it in the door.
The following Sunday he found that his card had been returned under his office door. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the verse, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Edit, jokes are hard when i am drinking
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom's birthday gifts
3 guys, who were brothers, were all discussing what gifts they were getting for their elderly mother for her birthday.
The first brother, named Michael, said, "I bought mom her very own Lexus and chauffeur. She was always complaining about not being able to drive well."
Jeremy, the second brother, said,"Well I bought mom a p**... apartment. She always complains about the house she lives in."
Lucas, the third brother, said, "Since mom always complains about not being able to read her bible well due to her poor vision, I bought a parrot that can recite bible verses perfectly!"
3 weeks later, the boys receive a letter from their mother. It read:
"To my 3 dear boys:
Thank you for all your nice gifts. However, I couldn't use the car that Michael gave me because I'm too old to go out anymore and the chauffeur is mean. The new p**... is nice, but it is too big for me to clean each day and I'm only ever in the bedroom. But Lucas, you did a fine job in choosing a gift. The chicken was delicious."
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"