Bewildered Jokes
29 bewildered jokes and hilarious bewildered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bewildered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bewildered Short Jokes
Short bewildered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bewildered humour may include short baffled jokes also.
- "God....You are NOT the father" *God cripwalks all over the stage as a bewildered Mary cries profusely*
- I was bewildered when the United Kingdom people voted to pull out of the EU? I mean, U K guys?
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Charming Humor Bewildered Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about bewildered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean confused jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bewildered pranks.
A man bets his boss 5000$...
that he (the boss) has a pimple on his ass.
"No way!" - says the boss and accepts the bet.
He opens his ass to show to the man. The man says: "It's too dark here, move to the window so I can see better". The boss moves to the window. "Ok, you were right, there is no pimple on your ass". He gives the boss 5000$.
"But why would you do that?", asked the boss, bewildered.
"Yesterday I have bet your colleagues 10000$ that today at exactly 3 o'clock they would see your ass through your office window"
Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.
"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."
Taxidermist walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
The First Night of the Honeymoon
The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.
The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.
She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.
"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."
She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.
The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.
She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree
He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man proposes.
A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:
*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*
Looking bewildered she replied:
**You want Both !!!??**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy meets a Pirate in a bar.
He is missing an arm, a leg, and an eye. I mean stereotypical pirate.
Guy asks, "I got to know, how did you lose the leg?"
Pirate says, "arg, I was hunting a big-ol whale and a rope snatched 'round me leg and tore it clean off."
Guy says, "Wow, so- so how did you lose the arm."
Pirate answers, "I was fighting the queens finest and a cutlass lopped off me arm."
Guy says, "crazy... now what about the eye?"
Pirate says, "A bird sh*t in me eye."
Guy bewildered goes, "wo-wait... a BIRD? Sh*t in your eye?"
"First day with me hook."
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop. He has a parrot on his head.
The cashier asks him, "Why is that on your head?"
The man replies, "it keeps the elephants away".
The cashier, bewildered, states, "But there are no elephants here!"
"Then clearly the parrot is working"
A man asked Satan...
"How can I become the best guitarist in the world?"
Satan answered, "Give me your soul."
The man was bewildered. "What if I gave you a dollar instead?"
Satan smiled. "Then I'll make you the best bass player in the world."
So a snail walks into a dealership
and purchases a car, proceeds to ask the salesman to put eggs on the front, eggs on the roof, and eggs on the trunk.
Bewildered the salesman ask, excuse but why would you want to put eggs all over your car.
Snail replies, because when I drive down the road very fast I want people to say,
Hey look at that eggs car go
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes fishing...
Just as she's about to get on the boat, the park ranger comes to her and says: "Ma'am, fishing is prohibited here. I'm gonna have to fine you."
And she responds: "But I haven't even started fishing yet."
To which he responds: "But you have the tools, right?"
So she says: "Ok then. If you fine me, then I will accuse you of r**...."
Suddenly bewildered, the ranger says: "But I didn't even touch you."
To which she responds: "But you have the tools, right?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A daughter asked her father
"Dad, what kind of man should I marry?"
Her father replied, "His wits come secondary. He must be a man who has a beard".
The daughter, bewildered, asked "What is the significance of the beard?"
The father, staring blankly, said "Well any man with the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your b**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is walking, carrying a no-legged d**... in his arms.
A lady stops him:
What a cute dog! , she exclaims gleefully.. What's his name?
He doesn't have one , the guy replies. The lady is bewildered.
Oh, no! Poor thing... how come you didn't name him?
The guy shrugs.
If I'd call him, he wouldn't come anyway
HELP: Trying to write a joke
I hope this doesn't go against any sub rules. I'm ok if it gets deleted.
So, I had an idea pop into my head last night, and I need some help in fleshing out the body of the joke.
It would go something like this:
A man and his son are walking near (body of water) on Christmas Day. They come across a flock of sheep doing (land/water based military manoeuvres). The day looks around totally bewildered and asks "What is going on here?"
The son answers, "That's a Fleece Navy, Dad."
Any ideas?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
I encountered a young cashier while checking out.
My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.
I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."
The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.
The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.
Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad adviced me to never open a f**... business.
Bewildered as to why he gave me this advice, having never worked in a f**... business himself, I asked why.
"Because the market is dead, son"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Zombie movie set. The director is p**.......
The director screams "stop that!". "Okay, let's try again".
Zombies drudge down the hall halfhazardly, and as it seems to be going well the director screams "CUT!", then walks out and grabs one zombie in particular.
The zombie actor is bewildered and shocked. The director says "why do you keep asking everyone if they packed a lunch?"
He replies "You said to act like 'your dad'!"
A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish
His buddy then gave him a list and said "Alright, here are some basic things you need, go get them and I'll prepare the boat for our trip."
A week went by and the guy went back to his buddy accompanied by another guy in complete fishing gear.
"Where the heck have you been?" asked his buddy.
"I went to Poland" he said
"What the heck for?!" asked his buddy, bewildered.
"You wrote that I need a fishing pole!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny is at the zoo with his mom when they end up at the primate exhibit and witness two monkeys having s**...
Johnny asks, "Mommy, what are those monkeys doing?"
His mom awkwardly responds "They're making a new baby monkey." and quickly rushes him off to another exhibit.
That night after they come home from the zoo, he hears noises from his parents room and opens the door to find them having s**.... He starts cheering unexpectedly. His parents, bewildered, ask him what he's celebrating about. Little Johnny says, "We're getting a baby monkey!"
Wake-up Call
After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man holding a shotgun on the nightstand. Naturally, he began to worry.
Is this your husband? he asked nervously.
No, silly, she said while nibbling away at his ear.
Well, who IS he then? demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, That's me . . . before the surgery
As the crowded elevator descended,
Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said,
"That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two explorers are surrounded by cannibals
The first explorer makes a run for it, but is quickly caught. The second calmly starts doing the old "trapped in a glass box" routine while his comrade watches on, bewildered. Visibly disgusted, the cannibals wave him away.
Just before they lead their captive off to the s**..., he asks the second explorer why they spared him. "A mime is a terrible thing to taste."
Help, I think I'm a moth...
So a guy bursts into a doctor's office flapping his arms like crazy and screaming, "Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor just looks at him bewildered, struggling for words. The guy continues, "Please doc, help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor finally stammers out, "Well, what can I do? You don't need to see me, you need to see the shrink down the hall." And the guy says, "Yeah I know, but your light was on."
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"