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Beware Jokes

45 beware jokes and hilarious beware puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beware that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out why you should "beware of jokes" in this informative article. Learn how to look out for humor that may be offensive or embarrassing, like the "Fappening" or "watermelon jokes," as well as other types of jokes that may be harmful to your reputation or safety.

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Funniest Beware Short Jokes

Short beware jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beware humour may include short caution jokes also.

  1. Beware of a new E-bay scam I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me motorcycle parts
  2. Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse. They'll never tell you when they're turning.
  3. Ladies, beware of all the men who just want to get in bed with you Unlike me, I'm fine on a table, in the forest, at the beach or whatever
  4. 3 Steps to being a good Programmer 1. Avoid recursion
    2. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
    3. Always have an exit condition.
    4. Beware of being off by one.
  5. A robber is about to enter a house He sees a sign that says Beware of Dyslexic Dog As he enters the house he thinks to himself, How can a dog be dyslexic?
    The dog then smites him
  6. I told my friends I was going on vacation to Hershey, PA. One said, "It's a great family destination, but beware of the nightlife- they have nuts in the bars there."
  7. My mom always told me to beware of tailors... They tend to come unraveled. Or sew she said.
  8. There should be a warning on these math books. Something along the lines of "Beware the additive properties"
  9. Teacher to russian student: Boris, beware, I have eyes in my back! russian student: What Are you braging about? I came from Chernobyl, I had a tail!
  10. If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware.. It's an app tray.

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Beware One Liners

Which beware one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beware? I can suggest the ones about careful and wary.

  1. Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware! Could be a set up.
  2. Beware of bards during floods. They're known for luteing.
  3. Beware of Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes. The devil might steal your sole.
  4. What does Medusa have in her dating profile? Beware: I'm drop dead gorgeous.
  5. Beware of people who casually use hyperbole They are the worst
  6. BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!! Oh, sorry. Wrong forum.
  7. Beware the SATA of March Much faster than the IDEs
  8. Beware of killers with a machete. They can get away with it.
  9. Tuberculosis is such a dangerous disease Beware of coffin
  10. If vegetarians eat vegetables.... ....beware the Humanist!
  11. Women are turning into good drivers. So good drivers beware.
  12. Beware the dangers of rubbing your ears too much! Lobal Warming
  13. Lady who goes camping must beware... There may be evil intent.
  14. Beware of shoe thieves! They'll steal your sole!
  15. 0.6**... ... beware the number of the millibeast.

Beware joke, 0.6**...

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Beware Jokes

What funny jokes about beware you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean warned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beware pranks.

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

A man goes to buy a pack of cigarettes......

The cashier hands him a pack. He goes out and thinks of lighting one up. The pack reads "Beware smoking causing impotency". He goes back in hey man i think you gave me the wrong pack give me the one with cancer.

Beware of certain doctors

I went to the doctor to have blood drawn and he bit my neck and now I am very sensitive to daylight and I have suddenly become very thirsty at night.
Whatever you do, avoid Dr. Acula!

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March!"

I told my wife "Beware the Ides of March! I'm in the mood to do some stabbing from behind, if you know what I mean. "
She said, "I just might die of surprise if you make it to 23 stabs!"
So yeah, only my ego got murdered today.

A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the u**... he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE g**..." ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE g**..." as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"

A plumber

is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, his parents replied that they told him hundreds of times that "Bob's your Uncle!"

You've been warned

A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

A postal carrier is working on a new beat.......

when all of a sudden he comes upon a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT!
Befuddled, he looks down the walk and into the garden and, sure enough, there is indeed a parrot sitting on its perch.
He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch.
The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden.
He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly the parrot calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

Beware of a new scam message going around

I just got a text message saying "Congratulations you are the winner of the Elvis tribute competition.
You have a choice of two prizes you can take,
Option 1 is £50.00
Option 2 is for 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute concert
To make your choice
text
1 for the money or 2 for the show
(disclaimer: stolen from my Facebook feed. Never seen this joke before and wanted to share)

What do you say to warn a communist about their m**...?

"Beware the Ides of Marx"

Beware joke, What do you say to warn a communist about their m**...?