Betty Jokes
74 betty jokes and hilarious betty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about betty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From Grandma Betty to Betty Crocker, this article is full of hilarious Betty jokes that will have you laughing out loud. Read about Margaret, Annette, Black Betty, Ugly Betty, Betty Boop, and more. Discover if Betty White is really dead or still alive and ready to be roasted. Get ready to chuckle at this collection of Betty jokes.
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Funniest Betty Short Jokes
Short betty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The betty humour may include short amber jokes also.
- Betty White just turned 99 and she still doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.
- A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef. The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
- what's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White? Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.
- So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef. The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."
- A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop. Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?
Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb. - An African lady named Betty came into my restaurant today and asked, "Is there any chicken on the menu?" I replied, "No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
- Today would have been Betty White's 100th birthday and a major snowstorm has hit the northeast US and Canada I guess you could call this a Betty Whiteout
- Black Betty walked into a butcher shop and asked for beef. The butcher replied, "No Black Betty, Ham or Lamb?"
- (JOKE)"ACTRESS BETTY WHITE" (vanndukeandsammy) sammy:what did god say when he saw actress betty white?....vann duke:I don't know,tell me what did god say when he saw actress betty white?...sammy:mom?
- A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef The butcher starts insulting her and spreads rumors around
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Betty One Liners
Which betty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with betty? I can suggest the ones about betty white and jean.
- Q. What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas? A. Betty White.
- What did the gambling addicts name their daughter? Betty.
- 100 Yards to the Toilet by Will E. MakeIt Illustrations by Betty Won't
- Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles? The Betty Ford Clinic
- "Betty White" What the African American said when he heard there was a new Pope.
- What do Betty Rubble and Fort Knox have in common? They're both impregnable
- What sorority did Black Betty pledge? Lambda Lambda
- Why did Betty fall off the swing? Because Betty was a Pineapple
- I named my dog Betty... so I can boop the snoot.
- Betty Grabel I thought Jesus was the first Pinup.......
- What do Florence Henderson and Alan Thicke want for Christmas? Betty White!
- BBQ joint offers the "Betty Ford Special" Half a rack with extra sauce
- Betty White turned 96 yesterday. What's next for Betty? Death!
- How did Betty Crocker get pregnate The pillsbury doughboy forgot to wear a wiener wrap
- What are Gene Wilder and David Bowie getting for Christmas this year? Betty White.
Betty White Jokes
Here is a list of funny betty white jokes and even better betty white puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- (I'm going to h**... for this one) What is the main difference between Betty White and Paul Walker? Walker made it to 100.
- What do you get when you s**... all of the Botox out of Madonna? Betty White.
- I just saw Betty White t**... in "Game of Thrones" now I know why she won a "sag" award.
- I heard Betty White started a PG&E subsidiary She's calling it w**...
- What do you call a white baker? Betty c**...
Howlingly Hilarious Betty Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about betty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make betty pranks.
Reggie, Joe, and Chuck
There was once a farmer who had three teenage daughters. On prom night, a young boy rang his doorbell.
**Reggie:** My name's Reggie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go eat some spaghetti, is she ready?
He told his Betty that someone was there to pick her up and they left.
A while later, there someone else rang the doorbell.
**Joe:** My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to watch a show, is she ready to go?
So he told Flo and they left.
A bit later, there was yet another boy at his door. He said:
**Chuck:** My name's Chuck...
And the farmer shot him.
A farmer has three daughters...
A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.
A little help with your math
A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."
This used to be my mother's favorite joke, maybe still is.
A farmer has three daughters who all have a date on the same night.
The first guy comes to pick up his date and says "Hi, I'm Joe. I came to get Flo. We're gonna go to the show, can she go?" The farmer calls Flo down and they leave.
The second guy shows up: "Hi, I'm Eddie. I came to get Betty. We're gonna go get spaghetti, is she ready?" the farmer calls Betty down and they go.
The third guy shows up: "I'm Chuck. I came in my truck..."
The farmer shoots him.
Ol' Mr Periwinkle
Ol' Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. "Oh that old nurse is taking my temperature." he replies. To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?"
An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.
She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
The Farmer's Daughters
Farmer Brown had 3 lovely daughters. The daughters announce to their father they are going out on dates that night. Farmer Brown agrees under the condition that he gets to talk to each of the young men first.
The first young man knocks on the door and Farmer Brown answers the door with his shotgun and says, "What is your business young man?" to which the young man replies, "My name is Eddie, I'm her for Betty, we're going to have spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer decides Eddie is OK, gives his consent, and Betty and Eddie take off.
The next young man knocks on the door. Farmer Brown answers the door with his shotgun and says "What do you want?" and the young man says, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she set to go?" The farmer looks him over carefully, decides he's OK and off run Joe and Flo.
Finally the last young suitor knocks on the door. Farmer Brown growls, "What do you want?" to which he replies, "My name is Chuck..." and Farmer Brown shoots him
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
Ever read the book "A Race To The Bathroom"?
by w**... Makeit and Betty Wont.
What's his name?
A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, n**... woman lying face-down on the bed.
Q: What's his name?
A: w**... Turner
Q: What's *her* name?
A: Betty Will
Why was Betty Boop never attracted to Mickey Mouse?
She's only attracted to colored guys.
Have you folks read the book, Twenty Yards to the Outhouse?
by w**... Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint
A Farmer and His Daughter's Boyfriends
A farmer insists on vetting his daughters' boyfriends before they're allowed out on dates. One night, a young man appears at the front door, and says to the farmer, "Hello, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" and the farmer lets them go. A second young man comes to the door, and says, "Hi, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, is she ready?" and off they go. Then a third young man appears and says, "Hi, I'm Tucker..." and the farmer shoots him.
A farmer has three daughters when they were finally allowed to date it went something like this.
First daughter..... Guy knocks on the door and says "Hi I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo and take her to a show is she ready to go?" Second daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says, "hi I'm Eddie I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" Third daughter.... Guy knocks on the door and says "hi my name is CHUCK!" Dad promptly slams the door!!!!
Anyone ever read " thousand miles to the outhouse" by w**... Makeit
Published by Betty Dident.
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
A farmer has three daughters.
A boy knocks on the door and says "I'm Eddie and I'm here to take Betty for spaghetti."
The farmer calls Betty and she goes on her date with the young man.
Another boy knocks on the door and says to the farmer "I'm Joe and I'm here to take Flo to the show".
The farmer calls Flo downstairs and the two go to the show.
A third boy then knocks on the front door and says "I'm Chuck..." and the farmer shoots him.
Betty was away from home on a business trip, and on a break between meetings decided to call home collect...
...as her husband was outside changing the oil on his car, her 6 year old son Bobby picked up the phone.
Putting his ear to the receiver, he heard a man say: *"We have a Betty on the line, will you except the charges?"*
Terrified, Bobby ran outside screaming:
"DAD!!! THEY'VE GOT MOM!!! AND THEY WANT MONEY!!!"
The orthopedic surgeon Betty worked for was moving to a new office, and the staff was helping transport many of the items.
Betty sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, his bony arm across the back of her seat. She hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside her became obvious, and she looked across and explained, I'm delivering him to my doctor's office.
The driver leaned out his window. I hate to tell you, lady, he said, but I think it's too late!
A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night
.
The first date arrives, and in r**... tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.
The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe.
The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.
Have you guys read the book 'Running to the out house'?
Written by: w**... makeit
Illustrated by : Betty wont
The three dates.
A farmer wants to meet his daughters boyfriend before their date a few minutes later the doorbell rings the boy at the door says my name is Joe I'm here for Flo we are going to the show is she ready to go, later the door rings again and another boy says my name is Eddie I'm here for Betty we are going to eat spaghetti is she ready again a boy rings the doorbell and he says my name is Tucker and I'm here to... and the farmer shot the boy dead immediately.
A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.
The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.
A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.
A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real p**...."
A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.
The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.
The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.
The next date shows up and says "Hi there, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she good to go?". Again the farmer nods and Joe and Flo go on their way.
A while later the last date shows up and says "Sup man, I'm Chuck"
And the farmer shoots him.
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates..........
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
Wife convinces husband to make a play list for when they're in the bedroom.
Wife: OK what's the first song you want?
Husband: Spiderbait - Black Betty.
Wife: I don't know that one. I look forward to hearing it. What's your next song?
Husband: The playlist doesn't have to be that long.
