The Best 27 Betting Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Betting jokes. There are some betting jockey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these betting horse betting puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Betting Jokes and Puns
I saw two blind guys fist fighting,
I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
And they both ran away.
The Irish must have lost so much money last night due to betting.
They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.
4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
My friends and I were betting
My friends and I were betting, how much weed would it take to get a cow stoned.
Needless to say, the steaks were high
(Never heard this joke before, I hope it is original)
Saw a guy betting anyone $50 to see if he could fire a bullet into a pile of cow dung 30 yards away.
I thought to myself, that's kind of a crapshoot.
I lost all my money betting on horse races.
Turns out they can run WAY faster than I can.
I lost 25 pounds.
Just want to say I lost 25 pounds and I'm proud of myself. The last time I was betting on horses I lost £ 100,-.
A man walks into his house and there are many family members in his living room
He says If I where a betting man I would say that y'all are here to stop me from doing something and a relative speaks up and says you are a betting man. This is your intervention .
My friend and I were betting on a coin.
I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.
The best thing you can do is betting your house in the casino.
The house always win.
You can explore betting win reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean betting involve dad jokes. There are also betting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life's savings on this one Filly.
...
I also considered putting money on the derby.
I caught a friend betting on a hospitalized children's limbo contest...
When I confronted him, I asked, "HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"
I was in the betting shop
and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named 'Landfill'. Turns out it was a rubbish tip.
A man is sitting at a bar in Las Vegas, crying.
The Bartender notices him and asks him what's wrong.
The man answers:''I lost over 50 grand this weekend betting on sports. I Went 0-8 in Baseball, 0-13 in Basketball, 0-6 In Football and 0-9 in Soccer."
The bartender, in disbelief, tries to soothe the man:"Have you ever tried betting on Hockey?"
The man quickly responds:"Of course not. I don't know anything about hockey!"
Two farmers were betting on a horse race.
They put up some of their grain crops for the gamble. One of the farmers is better at math and so kept a tally. At the end of the day, the other farmer asked the first one if overall they had won or lost anything. The other one responded: "we lost, but just barley."
Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, I'm betting on the dude with the knife!
If we ever start betting on alphabet cars I will always be betting on the "S" car
Because escargot
My wife and I are betting on the gender of our unborn child
If she wins, she gets a daugther.....
(True story actually)
I heard the mob are trying to promote illegal betting schemes around this year's Wimbledon...
It's a tennis racket!
They say the Vegas shooter was a white guy...
I was betting on black
James Franco is making a movie about lesbian vampires.
I'm betting it'll be a period piece.
Tesco reported a £6.4bn loss..
I guess that's what you get for betting on horses!
Did you hear about the guy that got arrested in Vegas for helping people learn to gamble?
He was charged with aiding a betting.
How do you stop 2 blind men from fighting?
You yell, "I'm betting on the one with the knife!"
"Dude, I lost all of my money betting on a fight between a midget and a toddler."
"That's terrible!"
"I know right? I"m disappointed in my son."
Pete Rose would not make a World Series prediction during the pregame coverage.
I guess he's not a betting man.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the betting wager jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working betting cheetahs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.