Bets Jokes
32 bets jokes and hilarious bets puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bets that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bets Short Jokes
Short bets jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bets humour may include short betting jokes also.
- 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away. - My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. you should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta
- Everyone is a fan of Stephen hawking now that he died. I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.
- My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
- I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder. He said the steaks were too high.
- I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks are too high".
- The other day i saw two blind guys fighting I yelled: I BET ON THE ONE WITH THE KNIFE!
They run away from each other - Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
- Husband: I heard a rumor that the postman's slept with all the women on our street, except for one. Wife: I bet it's that's snooty Priscilla Quinn in Number 12.
- My wife bet me that I wouldn't dare give our daughter a silly name. So I decided to call her Bluff.
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Bets One Liners
Which bets one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bets? I can suggest the ones about betting shop and odds.
- I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
- Democracy in Russia I bet you were expecting more.
- I bet when Hugh Hefner dies... ...no one will say he's in a better place.
- I bet you can't name two structures that can hold water Well, dam!
- What does gaslighting mean? It sounds made up. I bet you made that up.
- I heard they found water on Mars... I bet California is pretty jealous.
- How do you think Jesus felt about being crucified? I'll bet he was a little cross.
- I bet jellyfish are sad... that there are no peanut butter fish.
- I just put a bottle antifreeze in the freezer. Place your bets now.
- Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago? You bet jurassic would.
- I bet if Leornardo DiCaprio has a kid... he names it Oscar so he can finally have one.
- I bet the ChatGPT servers are taking a leisurely stroll through the digital landscape.
- Small town gynecologists... I bet they spend a lot of time looking up old friends.
- I bet rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
- I bet you've already heard this It's a pretty common word.

Howlingly Hilarious Bets Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about bets you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gambling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bets pranks.
A man bets his boss 5000$...
that he (the boss) has a pimple on his ass.
"No way!" - says the boss and accepts the bet.
He opens his ass to show to the man. The man says: "It's too dark here, move to the window so I can see better". The boss moves to the window. "Ok, you were right, there is no pimple on your ass". He gives the boss 5000$.
"But why would you do that?", asked the boss, bewildered.
"Yesterday I have bet your colleagues 10000$ that today at exactly 3 o'clock they would see your ass through your office window"
A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...
She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.
So Betsy DeVos resigned...
I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.
High aunt
My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...
Sorry
Betsy DeVos's school funding plan...
You start with $0.
But if you sign up 5 kids for school, and those kids sign up 5 more kids, and THOSE kids sign up 5 more kids...
Why don't cows make large bets?
The steaks are too high.
Betsy DeVos wants to eliminate trigonometry from school math curricula
because it teaches our children to sin
Why are sports bets i**... for the composer?
He arranges the score
Guy walks into a bar and bets the owner $500 that he can stand on one end and p**... without getting any on the bar.
The owner takes the bet because the bar is about fifty feet long. So the guy whips it out and sure enough he only p**...about 4 feet all over the bar. The owner laughs as he collects his money and cleans up the bar.
He asks the guy who p**... why he seems so happy.
The guy says: You see that table in back? I bet the 5 guys there 10 grand that you would let me p**... on the bar and laugh and clean it up.
I used to make bets with a cop that he'd never get away with assault.
He beat me every time.
Betsy Devos wants to defund the Special Olympics
Talk about k**... someone when they're Downs
How can tell if there's an Italian at the c**...?
He brings the duck
How can you tell if there's a Sicilian at the c**...?
He bets on the duck
How can you tell if the Mafia is at the c**...?
The duck wins
My friend takes bets on who's the ugliest person in a crowd.
He's a FaceBookie.
A h**... bets a man 100 dollars that she can give him a e**...
The man agrees and they bolth go back to his place.
The h**... tried to give him an e**... for an entire hour but when the hour was up the man was still flacid.
The h**... gives the man 100 dollars, but before she leaves she asks the man what he was going to spend the money on...
He says "My erectile dysfunction pills"
I was concerned about my gambling problem...
...so I came up with a great solution, on the way home from the bookies I threw all my receipts into a bush.
I was hedging my bets.
Why does Betsy look so distracted
Her husband devos her
