Best Friends Jokes
99 best friends jokes and hilarious best friends puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about best friends that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Best Friends Short Jokes
Short best friends jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The best friends humour may include short friends forever jokes also.
- Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- Guns are like gum... Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you've been best friends since kindergarten.
- 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
- I think my wife's cheating on me with my best friend. He's been miserable lately. Poor guy.
- I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference. It's like he's living under Iraq.
- Me: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mark. Another friend: Since when was Mark your best friend?
Me: Since yesterday. - My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments. Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
- I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.
- "Yesterday, my wife left me for my best friend" "Who is your best friend?"
"Robert"
"Since when is Robert your best friend?"
"Yesterday."
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Best Friends One Liners
Which best friends one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with best friends? I can suggest the ones about close friends and two friends.
- My best friend is a very chill guy He's 0K
- My wife left me for my best friend. Well, I mean now he's my best friend.
- I have found my best friend in my wife They both have some explaining to do!
- I'm not racist my best friend growing up was black Until my dad sold him
- My best friend ran away with my wife.... I miss him.
- I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue. She's not speaking to me
- My best friend died in a freak boiling water accident. He will be mist.
- What is the best part about having Alzheimer's Making new friends every day
- What's the best way to make friends? Tell a woman you love her.
- I've just found out that one of my best friends is a mime artist. He kept that quiet.
- Why are vegans the best friends in the world? They never have beef with you.
- What's the the best vitamin for making friends? B1
- My best friend thinks I'm a stalker ...well he's not really my friend....yet.
- Why is the calculator a man's best friend? Because you can always count on it.
- What's the best way to delegate? Asking for a friend
Best Friends Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny best friends day jokes and even better best friends day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Best exercise to lose a few pounds... So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".
- With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she licked my face and wagged her tail!
- It's Valentine's day! I proposed to my high school girlfriend and best friend ever! The two of them are out in the parking lot right now having a slapfight.
- Dear Diary, I've got the best April fool's day prank planned for my friends. I'm going to fake my death and return as a zombie! The looks on their faces will be priceless lolololol.
-Jesus - My friend asked me what an oxymoron was. I thought the best way to teach him was to use one in a sentence, so I said "The other day, I had Ethiopian food for dinner."
- For some silly reason my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair... I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd be 'balled' soon
- My mum fancies my best friend Luckily that's my dad.
(©2015 Early Father's Day Jokes Co. , you're welcome) - Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.
Ridiculous Best Friends Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about best friends you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friends inside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make best friends pranks.
I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bros v. h**...
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.
The bro code
Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.
Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.
A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.
Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.
Two women who are best friends are talking.
"Martha, if I slept with your husband, would we remain friends?"
"No."
"So, we'll be enemies then?
"No."
"What would we be then?
"Even."
Friendship between men and women
Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, 8 of which confirmed that he had slept over, and 2 said that he was still there.
Two best friends meet. "I have two bad news" says one to the other...
"OK, combine them."
"Your wife is cheating on us."
When guys are best friends it's a bromance. When girls are best friends it's.....
Temporary.
One by one, all of my best friends have started to become interested in men as well as women.
So I'm just sitting here, watching the world go bi.
Friendship: Men vs. Women
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious husband called his wife's 10 best friends. none of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The suspicious woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
A man comes home early from work.....
A man comes home early from work and when he walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with one of his best friends, he gets a gun and shoots him. His wife looks at her husband in shock and says if you continue to do this you won't have any friends.
A man dies and his three best friends, Matthew, Mark and James are looking at his body in the coffin.
Matthew says "He was such a good friend. I don't want him to go to his maker empty handed" and he throws $200 in cash into the coffin. Mark says he agrees and also throws in $200 in cash.
James says "You cheap-skates! I'm ashamed of you and I'm going to give him $1,000." He then writes out a check for $1,400, throws it in and takes the $400 in change out of the coffin.
A woman went out for drinks one night and didn't come home till morning.
The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man, not believing her, decided to call his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
The following week it was the man's turn not to come home one night. The following day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman, not believing him, called her husband's 10 best friends. Seven of them confirmed that he had slept over - and three said that he was still there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??
**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a b**...!
It's important to have a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my best friends would still be alive.
Iceberg
A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.
One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns to Antarctica. His best friend immediately takes notice of the amount of weight his friend lost while on vacation.
He says "you look amazing my friend, you really slimmed down! Was vacation everything you thawed it would be?"
After Luke Skywalker found out Princess Leia was his sister...
He became best friends with hand solo.
Bill and Joe were best friends...
Bill and Joe were best friends since they were kids and had always shared an extreme love of baseball. One day, when Bill was on his deathbed, Joe asked him to find a way to tell him if there was baseball in heaven. Bill promised he would.
A few months after Bill had died, Joe woke up in his bed to the ghost of Bill calling his name.
"Bill!" Joe exclaimed
"Joe!" 'I have good news and bad news, The good news is there's baseball in heaven!"
"That's great Bill, but what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Tuesday"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best friends wife.
Two midle aged men who were the best of frinds since several years are talking over a beer. Suddenly one of them says in a thoughtful voice: "If I have s**... with your wife, does that men we become related?" The other one looks at him with wide eys and says: "Nooo, but we become even..."
Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm
One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.
If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!
It is at Manchester registry office at 2pm. The brides name is Nicola, she is 28, 5f 6 tall, a bit of a looker and a good cook.
Why was 38 best friends with 39?
Because 38 had 39, for tea.
Dogs can be our best friends, but a cat
Will never tell your husband who the postman is
Two Finnish men meet in a bar...
Two Finnish men meet in a bar, they haven't seen each other in over 30 years, but used to be best friends. One raises his beer and says 'cheers'.
The other responds, 'are we here to drink, or to talk?'
My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud.
But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination.
What does a zebra call his best friends?
Zeebros.
What do you call two life-long best friends that also happen to be food critics?
Taste buds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".
He is my **pal** n **drone**.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irish men are in a plane when the roof comes off!
Donal says to p**..., "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out?"
"No way Donal" says p**..., smiling, "we'll still be best friends."
Fruity
While babysitting, I was preparing a snack for my best friends daughter. Wasn't sure what I should give her, and noticed I had a lot of fruit. So I asked her "What's your favorite fruit?" She looked at me with complete seriousness, and said "loops".
What do Aussies call their best friends?
A prime mate
Some people say I've got a racism problem but I haven't
Some of my best friends are racist
When I was a kid I was best friends with twins.
Turns out it was just one kid with ADHD
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best friends wife told us that one.
Her: take off my bra
Me: Ok
Her: take off my p**...
Me: Whoa Ok
Her: stop wearing my clothes.
My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him
Their names are Smith&Wesson
What do you call cows that are best friends?
Brovines.
Orange Jews
Three of my best friends and I are Jewish in a school with a total of probably 20 Jewish kids (so everyone know we are Jewish). This year for Halloween, the four of us are all going dressed in orange morph suits. If anyone asks what we are, we will simply respond with "orange juice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who are a fat person's two best friends
Ben and j**....
Why are the cow, whale and ant best friends?
Because they form cow-whale-ant bond
Hilarious reply to hilarious 'I love you' proposal
It was just a casual talk with one of my best friends,when I told her
"*I'm a negative person will you be my modulus function*"(read it somwhere)
And her reply was
"*I'm a square root so cant take any negatives otherwise this whole thing will become complex*"
I got mathametic-zoned
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had s**... with my best friends mother, sister and girlfriend all at the same time.
It wasn't a f**... or anything, Roll Tide.
I recently found a TV show about 2 best friends, their angry neighbour and a rival restaurant.
God, I love Spongebob.
Conjoined twins are like best friends....
They always stick together.
What did one mountain say to the other?
We're best friends for everest
Why do French fries make the best friends?
Because they are best spuds!
Met a girl from Tinder tonight. She asked me if I have any problems with alcohol.
Confidently, I replied "Nah, whiskey and I are like best friends!"
Dunno why she left in such a hurry...
Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends.
8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are okay, then it must be you. - the late George Carlin
My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man.
WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?
One in four people is homosexual...
which is weird because I have three best friends, all guys. Makes me wonder which one of us would be gay.
I hope it's Paul; he's cute.
What do you call a couple of tongues that are best friends?
Taste buds.
What do you order out with your best friends (hated) vegetarian girlfriend?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I slept with my best friends wife.
Dad was not thrilled to find out that he's now going to have a stepson.
What do you call it when best friends are dieting together?
The Pal-eo diet
A father sees two chimps fighting at the zoo. He whispers to his son:
"They may not be best friends, but they will always be primates."
what do you call two math majors guys who love football and are best friends?
AlgeBros.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Going on a Bachelor party cruise
I was getting ready to go on a cruise for my best friends bachelor party and told Voice command Cell girl to "Remind me about power s**... for bachelor party". Later that night my wife asked if we had purchased an extra cruise ticket or if the cruise line was going to throw in the power stripper.
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba died in a terrible accident...
Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body. So they brought in his two best friends, Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together.
When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell if the body was Bubba for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he rolls him over both of the friends answer, "Nope, ain't him!" The mortician is a little confused so he asks how they knew.
Leroy says,"Everybody around town would always say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**...'. This guy's only got one."
I'm not sexist.
Some of my best friends are housewi-
Women, some of them are women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girlfriend wants her boyfriend dead
But she doesn't know how to commit a m**.... She calls one of her best friends and tells her I want him dead, but I'm to scared to do it. Could you help?
Her best friend tells her It's alright, I got this and I'll make it look like an accident.
The next day the police are called because a dead body was found in an alleyway. A crime scene is set up and a detective does his detective work. After he's done an officer asks him So detective, what did you discover?
The detective looks at the officer and tells him Well it appears that someone beat this man to death with what seems to be a crowbar and then placed a banana peel 4 feet behind him.
Friendship between man and woman.
Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
___
*This is a repost but I really think we should never let this die.*
Baseball in Heaven
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."
The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.
A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."
"What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Wednesday."
I wonder if the Twin Towers and Snoop Dog were best friends.
They both smoked a lot.
Why is SAE not that racist?
Because some of their best friends are black... for halloween!
Difference between men and women
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning her husband asks her where she was.
She says that she decided to sleep over at a friend's house.
The husband calls 10 of her best friends to see if that's true... none know anything about it.
---------------------
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning his wife asks where he was.
He says that he decided to sleep over at a friend's house.
The wife calls 10 of his best friends to see if that's true...
8 of them confirm that he slept over, 2 of them claimed he was still at their house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When two girl hold hands, they are Best Friends.....
But when two guys hold hands, they are Gay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... dies a terrible death...
p**... died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't p**...."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't p**...."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, p**... had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes p**... with them two arseholes... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dash and Jack
Once upon a time, there were two best friends named Dash and Jack. They loved to do the same things together. If Dash did something, chances are Jack would want to do it too.
One day while they were at the park, Dash said to Jack: "Hey Jack, check this out!" He stood up straight and yelled "My name is Dash, and now I DASH OFF!" and he ran across the park for a few feet. "Now you try it!" he said to Jack.
Jack stood where Dash stood and yelled "My name is Jack, and now I j**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman And An Irishman
*Chances are this has been posted before, but as an Irishman with English roots I've always found it hilarious. Enjoy! :D*
An Englishman and an Irishman in two separate cars were driving down a lonely country road on a cold, misty night at 100 kilometers per hour. Neither men were being particularly careful, given the icy conditions, and the result was a terrible c**... in which both cars were almost completely destroyed.
Miraculously however, both men survived.
The Irishman was the first to react:
'Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we're alive! It's a sign from God I think, that we should put aside the distrust between our two countrys and become best friends!'
'I agree!' Came the Englishman's ebullient response, who then pulled a small flask of whiskey from his pocket. 'Let's celebrate our new-found friendship with a drink!'
The Irishman took the proffered flask and downed half of it, before offering it back to the Englishman.
'No thanks,' Came his companion's reply. 'I think I'll wait till the police show up.'.
There's these two Irish guys...
And it's St. Patty's Day, so the two are getting blasted. In their drunken stupor, they strike up a conversation.
The first Irishman goes, "Hey there Laddie, where are ya from?"
The second one replies, "Oh me? I'm straight from Ireland!"
The first Irishman smiles brightly, "NOOO WAAAAY! ME TOO! A round of drinks!"
The two Irishmen down their drinks and keep chatting.
"Well, where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin!"
"NOOO WAAAAY! ME TOO! A round of drinks!"
Again, they down their drinks as their excitement (and drunkenness) increase.
"Well, did you know Ol' Johnny Brennan?!?"
"He was one of my best friends!"
"NOOO WAAAAY! ME TOO! A round of drinks!"
While the two Irishmen are finishing their drinks, another partron comes and sits at the bar. When the bartender comes over, the newcomer says, "How's it going Mickey!"
Mickey, the bartender, replies, "Pretty good, pretty good. The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
There are these two guys named John and Cliff.
They were best friends and were so obsessed with baseball that they would go to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard.
They even promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there was baseball in heaven or not.
One night Cliff dies in his sleep after watching a Chicago White Sox game — Chicago won, so at least he died a happy man.
The next day Cliff returns to earth to see his friend.
"Hi, John.”"
"Cliff, is it really you?"
"Hey, I told you I’d be back to tell you what’s up. And, you know John, there’s good news and bad news."
"Okay. What’s the good news?"
"There is baseball in heaven."
"The bad news?"
"You’re pitching tomorrow night."
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.
They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!"
The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year."
"Okay," they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."
