Bessie Jokes
5 bessie jokes and hilarious bessie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bessie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Heartwarming Bessie Jokes that Make You Laugh
What is a good bessie joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
I just opened a Christmas card and a yorkshire pudding fell out..
Gotta love my Auntie Bessie
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, recently moved to Texas...
Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice
anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n**... except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now??"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? ... IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
Some day in Berlin
Yussel Rabinowitz and his wife Bessie were hiding from the n**... in a secluded Berlin basement.
One day Yussel decided to get a breath of fresh air, but while out walking he came face to face with Adolf h**... himself. The German leader pulled out a gun and pointed to a pile of horse-s**... in the street.
All right, Jew! he shouted, Eat that or I'll kill you.
Trembling, Yussel did as he was ordered. h**... began laughing so hard that he dropped his gun.
Yussel grabbed it and said, Now you eat, or I'll shoot!
The fuhrer got down on his hands and knees and began eating. While he was occupied, Yussel sneaked away and ran back to his basement. He slammed the door shut, bolted and locked it securely.
Bessie, Bessie! he shouted. Guess who I had lunch with today!
Aunt Bessie figures it all out...
Aunt Bessie loves to meet and pamper her nieces and nephews, but she is limited only to her city, as she has a severe fear of flying. *"Who knows! Someone may be carrying a bomb!"*. Her relatives try and try to convince her how safe it is to fly nowadays, but 'she ain't gonna listen to nobody!'
One fine day, one of her nephews has a great idea; he invites a mathematician who lives a few blocks away to try and convince Aunt Bessie with numbers..
*"....and hence, Aunt Bessie, the chance of someone carrying a bomb in your plane is literally one in a million!"*, proves the mathematician.
*"Really?....and what would you say are the chances of...2 persons carrying a bomb in a plane?"*, she asks, curiously...
*"That would be less than one in a billion! C'mon, Aunt Bessie...you should go!"*
*"Huh...fine...I'll go!"*, relents Aunt Bessie, and from that day onwards, she merrily goes to all her nieces and nephews all over the world, with a bomb in her bag.
Lost in the Woods
A reporter is doing a story on the life of a farmer. The first man she meets seems friendly enough, so she decides to interview him.
"What would you say your best memory is as a farmer?" she asked.
"Well, I would have to say it was when John down the road lost his pig in the woods, so we found it, r**... it, and brought it back."
"Oh. Okay..." obviously the reporter could not use that, so she tries again. "What was your next best memory as a farmer?"
"Well, one day my cow, Bessie, got lost in the woods. We found her, r**... her and brought her back"
...that couldn't be used either of course, so the reporter thinks for a bit, and asks "What was your least favorite memory as a farmer?"
"Um. Well one night I got really drunk, and found myself lost in the woods..."
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