Bert Jokes
32 bert jokes and hilarious bert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy some of the cheekiest Bert jokes from Sesame Street's beloved Ernie and Bert. From Bert Kresicher to Ila and Gus, these classic skits will be sure to bring a smile to your face.
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Funniest Bert Short Jokes
Short bert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bert humour may include short bert and ernie jokes also.
- Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon... Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up.
"Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"
"Sure Bert." - My friend Bert disliked his name ... so he studied all the rules and laws about legally changing it. In case you have any questions about name-changing, feel free to ask him - he is now an ex-Bert.
- Bert is walking with Albert through the park and says, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." Albert says, "What's the name of his other leg?"
- Bert and Ernie go for ice cream Bert and Ernie are sitting outside on Sesame Street.
Bert turns to Ernie and asks, "Hey Ernie, wanna go get some ice cream?"
Ernie replies, "Sure Bert."
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Bert One Liners
Which bert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bert? I can suggest the ones about yep and sundae.
- Bert: Hey Ernie, you want some ice cream? Sherbert.
- Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"
- Why does Ernie never get served ice cream? Cause he always answers 'Sure, Bert'
- What's Fat Albert's super villain alias? Fatal Bert.
- What kind of cake do you get on Sesame Street? A Bert-day cake!
- My wife asked me 'What's Harry Potter's owl called'? I paused and said OWL-BERT
- Hi Bert, I think there is a banana stuck in my ear No Ernie, that's me
- What does Ernie say when his roommate doesn't want to go cheese tasting? "Cmon Bert"
- Who is fattest person alive? Bert Chrysler.
- Who's the best rapper in Sesame Street? Lil u**... Bert
Hilarious Fun Bert Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about bert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bert pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two elderly gentlemen sipping their beer outside a pub...
One points to a dog l**... its g**... and says:
"Hey Bert, I wish I could do that"
Bert marks a pause, and replies:
"Well, I'm sure he'd let you if you gave him a biscuit"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...
At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a s**..., scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there s**..., you want some super s**... tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bert and Ernie are working at Ben and j**...'s when Bert invents a new flavor. He asks, "Ernie, will you name this flavor?"
"Sure, Bert."
Bert Tom Chris Joke
(Bert Kreischer) In L.A. people get offended for other people - (Tom Segura) So, I like to say offensive things because it makes me feel warm inside to invoke that reaction - (Chris D’elia) Matter of fact, I have to do crazy things to feel like a normal human...?
Bert Kreischer coffee black joke
Starbucks Barista - How would you like your coffee?
ME - Handcuffed for nothing & taken to jail.
(I like my coffee like I like my men. Black and wrongly accused based only on that.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?
Bernie Sanders.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bertrand Russell walks into a bar
He orders several shots and starts growing v**... and raucous. The bartender says, "Contain yourself!"
And he disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Julia is the first muppet to have a mental condition, Autism.
What about Bert and Ernie. Theyre gay!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n**... except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'
Furious, Bert yells, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?
'Nope' she replies.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!' Bert yells.
To which Margaret replies… Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hanging down
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely n**... except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Berta and Ethel are two older ladies who were outside smoking cigarettes when it starts rain.
Berta reaches into her purse and pulls out a c**... with the tip cut off. She slides the c**... over the cigarette and resumes smoking. "What are you doing?" asks Ethel. "Oh, this?" replies Berta, "I always carry a c**... to put on my cigarettes when it starts to rain."
Thinking this is a terrific idea, the next day Ethel goes to her pharmacy to buy condoms. Realizing that she'd never done this before, she asks a clerk for some help. "Of course, ma'am," says the clerk, "what size do you need?" Ethel replies, "Oh I don't know, but it needs to fit a camel."
