The Best 61 Bends Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bends jokes. There are some bends curve jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bends bendy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bends Jokes and Puns

That awkward moment...

...when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring...and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye

"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"

A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"

Bends joke, A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

What happens when you drive an expensive German luxury car into a tree

Your Mercedes Bends

a priest and a rabi...

a priest and a rabi are eating lunch when a young waiter drops a tray of dishes. as the waiter bends over to pick up his mess the priest mumbles "man I would love to screw him!" to which the rabi says "out of what?"


Clever yo mama jokes

The title says it all.

Heres one:
Yo mama so fat that light bends around her.

Is that dog poo?

A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog poo?" He thinks to himself.

He approaches it to examine if it is dog poo. "Well it looks like dog poo." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog poo." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog poo." His finger scoops up a part of the poo, and he licks it. "Tastes like dog poo.... Yep, this is dog poo alright."

"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."

Bends joke, Is that dog poo?

A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the urinal he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE GAYS" ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE GAYS" as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"

How to Catch a Polar Bear

1. Dig a hole in the ice
2. Line the edge of the hole with peas
3. Wait for a polar bear to come along
4. When the bear comes along and bends over to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole

You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.

What do you get when you go scuba diving with your iPhone 6

The bends.

You can explore bends contort reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bends curvature dad jokes. There are also bends puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Credit to the man who came through my check lane at work.

How do you catch a bear?

You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Doughnuts

My yoga teacher is awesome.

She really bends over backwards.

Why did the rich guy crash his car?

He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends

Bends joke, Why did the rich guy crash his car?

Drunk in a Taxi

So, a drunk climbs gracelessly into the back of a taxi and says "Drive."

As they pull from the curb, he leans forward and asks the driver, "Do you have room up front for a large pepperoni pizza and a six-pack of beer?"

The driver replies, "Sure!"

The drunk bends over the seat and says, "HHUURRRRGGHHHHHH!"

A man crashed his car

A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the Mercedes bends

A good girl bends at the knees...

A great girl bends at the hip.


A guy drove his expensive car into a tree...

That's when he learned how the Mercedes bends

My friend ran into a tree with his brand new car...

He found out his Mercedes bends

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...

...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday?

He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.

What would happen, if IT technic became a doctor?

Patient: I can't bend my knee.

Doctor: [*bends his knee*] Weird, works fine for me.

A man drove his car into a tree.

He found out how a Mercedes bends.

One day a billionaire drove his car

Then, he hit a tree and watched how his Mercedes bends.

The man crashed his car into a tree...

That's when he realised how Mercedes bends

How do you trap a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

How to catch a polar bear

First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole

When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Two men are walking in the woods when they see a bear

One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.

The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"

The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood

2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes

3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole

Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

A guy came back from having his photos done....

He was carrying the photos in his hand and was standing in the bus.
The bus stopped and he jerked forward, the photos fell out of his hand and went down under a woman's dress.

He bends downs and asks "Could you lift up your dress I gotta take those photos"

The Furious Teacher (NSFW)

Teacher: "Why are you giggling?

Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."

Teacher: "Get out! Don't come back for a week!

Another boy laughs...

Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"

Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."

Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for a month!"

The teacher bends to pick a chalk, and little Johnny starts walking out of the class.

Teacher: "And where do you think YOU'RE going?"

Johnny: "With what I saw, I think my school days are over."

Two Men are walking in the woods...

When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.

The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"

As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.

'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my bum'

'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.

The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.

' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

Seen on performance evaluation

He's so dense, light bends around him.

the bad joke

A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"

The doctor says "Look NO HANDS" showing his hands to the patient

Which kind of car is most flexible?

Mercedes bends.

Hyperbaric chambers aren't that cool, but I put together a hyperbolic chamber...

It's the coolest, bestest, most fun way there could ever be to not treat the bends.

A little girl walks into a pet shop

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

A New Zealander and an Australian are walking down a track

The two mates come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.

Naturally, the kiwi bloke jumps over the fence, bends over, pulls down his pants and goes to town doing the sex on the poor sheep.

Upon finishing he looks over at his aussie mate, and goes your turn bro , to which naturally the aussie bloke jumps the fence, bends over, removes his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.

What do you get when a duck bends over?

Assquack

That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing with bends over so you can grind it...

But it turns out she just dropped an earing, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an erection, warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.

My contortionist girlfriend does anything to keep me happy!

She bends over backwards for me.

A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.

God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.

A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.

The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."

An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"

The material I have bends in a strange way but it should be suitable for the client

Weird flex but okay

String vs bartender

A string walks into a bar bartender yells at him we don't serve your kind here So the string walks out of the bar, bends over, mess up his hair, and walks back into the bar bartender asked him aren't you that string I threw out earlier string looks at him and says No I'm a frayed knot

A scuba diver bends into a bar

Sadly, he died.

As a driving instructor, let me say SCUBA divers make terrible drivers.

But, to their credit, at least they know to slow down for bends.

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

Blind man walks into the grocery store with his seeing eye dog...

The man walks to the middle of the store, bends down, picks his dog up by the tail and begins swinging the dog around in a circle over his head.

The manager of the store approaches him and hesitantly asks, Sir, may I help you? . To which the blind man responds, No thanks. We're just looking around.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Doughnuts!! I'll see myself out.

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left butt cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.

As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.

The carpet

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.

"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"

Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"

"Madam," he answers, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you'll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.
*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*

A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"

"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"

"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"

The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"

She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"

She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"

The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"

"What is it!?"

"Your finger's broken"

A German man is sitting in a waiting room.

The clock on the wall is going Tick,.....Tick,.....,Tick,.....,
Suddenly he jumps up, rips the face off the clock, bends it's hands behind it's back and says...
"Ve have vays of making you Tock!"

So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.

The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?

Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.

The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.

Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bends slips jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bends curvy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes