Bending Over Jokes
119 bending over jokes and hilarious bending over puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bending over that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bending Over Short Jokes
Short bending over jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bending over humour may include short bends jokes also.
- That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing with bends over so you can grind it... But it turns out she just dropped an earing, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.
- I think my wife loves yoga more than she loves me. When I want her to do something, she'll only do it if it fits into her schedule. Meanwhile, she'll bend over backwards for yoga
- A man crashed his car A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the mercedes bends
- As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs. But I didn't bend down to get it, because I didn't want plumber's crack.
- Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday? He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.
- I decided that I wanted to join a gymnastics club… …I had to bend over backwards just to get in
- You are not supposed to twist measuring sticks to measure curves But I've always been willing to bend the rulers
- What would happen, if IT technic became a doctor? Patient: I can't bend my knee.
Doctor: [*bends his knee*] Weird, works fine for me. - My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back "Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"
The stitches come out on Monday. - Why can't Flat-Earthers watch the show Avatar? Because they don't understand the concept of Earth-bending
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Bending Over One Liners
Which bending over one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bending over? I can suggest the ones about crouching and doing the splits.
- The best pick up advice I've ever been told is.. ..always bend your knees.
- What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts
- Being old is like being in prison... It hurts to bend over.
- Change is hard. I mean, have you ever tried to bend a quarter?
- Which kind of car is most flexible? Mercedes bends.
- My daughter works at a gymnastic studio that is so accommodating They bend over backwards
- John went to the doctor... Apparently he is incapable of Bending the Knee
- A scuba diver bends into a bar Sadly, he died.
- New sequel to Bend It Like Beckham announced. It's called Fake It Like Neymar
- What do you call a luxury car that sinks in the ocean? A Mercedes-Bends
- My yoga teacher is awesome. She really bends over backwards.
- I just vaccinated my kids. Hope they stop bending my ear now.
- What happens when you twist a car? You get a Mercedes-Bends.
- How long does it take a satellite to reach Uranus? Bend over and I'll show you.
- The man crashed his car into a tree... That's when he realised how Mercedes bends
Bending Over Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bending over you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bending over pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
You have to be flexible to work here.
On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
A man goes for a walk...
and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane
As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane. I would always sit on the isle seat and wait for the cockpit door to open. Sometime the flight attendant will get in the way and block your view, you know bend over in a s**... way sorting stuff or helping someone .so I say to her "HEY MOVE! I WANT TO SEE THE PLANES COCKPIT NOT YOURS"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
What happens when you drive an expensive German luxury car into a tree
Your Mercedes Bends
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Several months
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have s**... with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a priest and a rabi...
a priest and a rabi are eating lunch when a young waiter drops a tray of dishes. as the waiter bends over to pick up his mess the priest mumbles "man I would love to screw him!" to which the rabi says "out of what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Great Dane: So what are you here for?
Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for s**... so they're having me castrated, you?
Great Dane: My mistress does the housework n**..., she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.
Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?
Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is that dog p**...?
A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog p**...?" He thinks to himself.
He approaches it to examine if it is dog p**.... "Well it looks like dog p**...." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog p**...." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog p**...." His finger scoops up a part of the p**..., and he licks it. "Tastes like dog p**....... Yep, this is dog p**... alright."
"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a public bathroom...
...as he stands at the u**... he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE g**..." ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE g**..." as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of old guys sat at the bar...
Ernest pops up with a comment "George, when I was 20 years old and I had a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands!"
They sit in silence a few minutes, punctuated by the occasional sip.
Ernest says "When I was 35, I could bend it with one hand."
A few minutes later, he says "Now I can bend it with one finger!"
Another few sips and he says "George, how much stronger do you think I'm gonna get?"
Blonde and The Holy Man
Blonde: "I have heard that you can perform miracles. Can you demonstrate it to me?"
Holy Man: "Sure, why not. Remove your jeans, turn around and then bend down".
Blonde does as asked.
Holy Man: "Now can you feel my finger?"
Blonde: "Yes".
Holy Man: "But see, both my hands are up".
Blonde: "Wow. Superb".
Describe your latest laid with a movie title!
"The Lone Ranger"
"Home Alone"
"Bend It Like Beckham"
Now it's your turn!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Bend over, little fairy...
...a wish is a wish.
You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...
They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.
You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.
I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....
Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the road..
and they see a boyscout bending over.
The Priest says "Man I'd screw that."
and the Rabbi replies "Out of what??"
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between l**... and l**...?
One is mind-bendingly insane, and the other is a drug.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How do you capture a polar bear?
Cut a big fishing hole in the ice. Wait for the polar bear to bend over the hole to fish. Then run up behind the polar bear and **kick it in the icehole!**
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The Mouse
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a c**.... His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"
How to tell time in a forest
Here's how to tell time in a forest.
Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against the left side of your chest. Now lower your chin to your chest and look at your watch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Today I lost my virginity for a dollar
I wish I didn't bend down to pick it up.
A car broke down on a Native Reservation...
...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."
My daily regime
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
In the prison shower...
If you bend over, you can really hit those high notes.
Drunk in a Taxi
So, a drunk climbs gracelessly into the back of a taxi and says "Drive."
As they pull from the curb, he leans forward and asks the driver, "Do you have room up front for a large pepperoni pizza and a six-pack of beer?"
The driver replies, "Sure!"
The drunk bends over the seat and says, "HHUURRRRGGHHHHHH!"
What do you get when the Pillsbury dough boys bend over?
Dough-nuts (South Park reference again; just spreading it).
A good girl bends at the knees...
A great girl bends at the hip.
Two Kerry men driving through Cork
One fella says "That's where Michael Collins died"
The other fella "Tis a bad bend aright"
"What does 'straight' mean?"
...asked the son.
Dad: Straight means something continuing in one direction without bending.
Son: Dad, is mom straight?
Dad: Yes son, she doesn't have any curves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you trap a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a polar bear
First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there so much litter in prisons
Because nobody is brave enough to bend over and pick it up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Vomiting is like s**......
It's sometimes better to just bend over and let it happen.
When it comes it comes.
You usually feel g**... afterwards, but there's still a sense of relief.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy came back from having his photos done....
He was carrying the photos in his hand and was standing in the bus.
The bus stopped and he j**... forward, the photos fell out of his hand and went down under a woman's dress.
He bends downs and asks "Could you lift up your dress I gotta take those photos"
Game of thrones actors numbers leaked online
Someone called Kit Harrington...
"Hello, who's this?!"
"It's Ben."
"Ben who..?!?"
"Ben-d knee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Girlfriend: Roses are straight, violets are twisted...
...Bend over, love. You are about to get f**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
gay prostate exam joke
a gay man goes in to get a prostate exam.
he is told to bend over when the doctor starts to examine his prostate.
the man says to the doctor:
"please t**... ring, it's hurting me"
the doctor says:
"That's not my ring. that's my rolex!"
Why don't congressmen use bookmarks?
They just bend over the pages.
Not a dime of our taxes was used to buy bookmarks....
Politicians prefer to bend a page over.
the bad joke
A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"
The doctor says "Look NO HANDS" showing his hands to the patient
If AirBenders bend air and WaterBenders bend water...
are Yoga instructors Body Benders?
Why does Bill Clinton keep getting kicked out of libraries?
Because he won't stop bending over all the pages...
Overheard in a Subway the other day...
The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"
He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you get when a duck bends over?
Assquack
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Rodeo s**...
When you're making love to your girl d**... and bend over and whisper in her ear, this is how your sister likes it too , and try and hold on for 8 seconds.
What does a person with OCD bring out in the bedroom when they tell their partner to bend over?
A protractor.
My contortionist girlfriend does anything to keep me happy!
She bends over backwards for me.
A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.
God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.
A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.
The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.
An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.
The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"
After a lot of hard work I've finally made the local limbo team.
I had to bend over backwards to get in though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy visits his favorite d**...
He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.
Walking alone on the sidewalk and a driver takes a wide bend around you. Do they think I'm gonna jump?
I mean I might but they shouldn't know that.
Three astronauts walk into a bar
On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.
Whose ten? We have a problem...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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People dream of mind bending shower s**...
and I just dream of the hot water lasting longer than him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.
It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your a**... goodbye.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sexting over walkie talkies
h**... yeah baby bend over.
Bend what? Over.