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Bend Over Jokes

102 bend over jokes and hilarious bend over puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bend over that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bend Over Short Jokes

Short bend over jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bend over humour may include short bent over jokes also.

  1. That awkward moment when the woman you're dancing with bends over so you can grind it... But it turns out she just dropped an earing, and no one else in McDonald's can hear the music on your iPod.
  2. Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman? Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her
  3. I think my wife loves yoga more than she loves me. When I want her to do something, she'll only do it if it fits into her schedule. Meanwhile, she'll bend over backwards for yoga
  4. A man crashed his car A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the mercedes bends
  5. Clever yo mama jokes The title says it all.
    Heres one:
    Yo mama so fat that light bends around her.
  6. As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs. But I didn't bend down to get it, because I didn't want plumber's crack.
  7. Son's earring d**... up my a**...
  8. Some good advice on how to pick up girls Bend at the knees and lift slowly. Avoid turning or twisting your body.
  9. How to catch a polar bear First, you dig a hole in the ice,
    then you sprinkle peas around the hole
    When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
  10. Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday? He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.

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Bend Over One Liners

Which bend over one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bend over? I can suggest the ones about bending over and bend.

  1. The best pick up advice I've ever been told is.. ..always bend your knees.
  2. What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts
  3. What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!! I'll see myself out.
  4. My friend ran into a tree with his brand new car... He found out his Mercedes bends
  5. A man drove his car into a tree. He found out how a Mercedes bends.
  6. Today I lost my virginity for a dollar I wish I didn't bend down to pick it up.
  7. Being old is like being in prison... It hurts to bend over.
  8. Change is hard. I mean, have you ever tried to bend a quarter?
  9. Which kind of car is most flexible? Mercedes bends.
  10. I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.
  11. My daughter works at a gymnastic studio that is so accommodating They bend over backwards
  12. Bend over, little fairy... ...a wish is a wish.
  13. John went to the doctor... Apparently he is incapable of Bending the Knee
  14. What do you get when a duck bends over? Assquack
  15. A scuba diver bends into a bar Sadly, he died.

Bend Over Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about bend over you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kneels jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bend over pranks.

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"

A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...

A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.

As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane

As a kid I used to get so excited to see the cockpit on the plane. I would always sit on the isle seat and wait for the cockpit door to open. Sometime the flight attendant will get in the way and block your view, you know bend over in a s**... way sorting stuff or helping someone .so I say to her "HEY MOVE! I WANT TO SEE THE PLANES COCKPIT NOT YOURS"

"Fourteen!"

a man walks by a mental hospital and over the wall he can hear the patients saying,"Fourteen" over and over again. The wall is too high to see over and as he walks along it he sees a small hole. Bending down to look through and see why they are chanting "Fourteen", he can see some movement.
All of a sudden a stick pushes through into his eye!

Then he hears...Fifteen!...Fifteen!...Fifteen!!!

A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...

"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" 

Several months

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have s**... with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."

a priest and a rabi...

a priest and a rabi are eating lunch when a young waiter drops a tray of dishes. as the waiter bends over to pick up his mess the priest mumbles "man I would love to screw him!" to which the rabi says "out of what?"

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Great Dane: So what are you here for?
Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for s**... so they're having me castrated, you?
Great Dane: My mistress does the housework n**..., she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.
Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?
Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the u**... he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE g**..." ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE g**..." as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"

Blonde and The Holy Man

Blonde: "I have heard that you can perform miracles. Can you demonstrate it to me?"
Holy Man: "Sure, why not. Remove your jeans, turn around and then bend down".
Blonde does as asked.
Holy Man: "Now can you feel my finger?"
Blonde: "Yes".
Holy Man: "But see, both my hands are up".
Blonde: "Wow. Superb".

You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.
You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.

I was at the grocery store with my gpa when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by....

Gpa said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies. I had to know, what's a jet skirt? Gpa replied, it's a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.

How do you catch a bear?

You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

What's the difference between l**... and l**...?

One is mind-bendingly insane, and the other is a drug.

The Mouse

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a c**.... His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"

How to tell time in a forest

Here's how to tell time in a forest.
Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against the left side of your chest. Now lower your chin to your chest and look at your watch.

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."

Drunk in a Taxi

So, a drunk climbs gracelessly into the back of a taxi and says "Drive."
As they pull from the curb, he leans forward and asks the driver, "Do you have room up front for a large pepperoni pizza and a six-pack of beer?"
The driver replies, "Sure!"
The drunk bends over the seat and says, "HHUURRRRGGHHHHHH!"

A guy drove his expensive car into a tree...

That's when he learned how the Mercedes bends

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...

...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

What would happen, if IT technic became a doctor?

Patient: I can't bend my knee.
Doctor: [*bends his knee*] Weird, works fine for me.

You are not supposed to twist measuring sticks to measure curves

But I've always been willing to bend the rulers

Two men are walking in the woods when they see a bear

One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.
The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"
The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood
2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes
3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole
Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

Vomiting is like s**......

It's sometimes better to just bend over and let it happen.
When it comes it comes.
You usually feel g**... afterwards, but there's still a sense of relief.

Girlfriend: Roses are straight, violets are twisted...

...Bend over, love. You are about to get f**....

gay prostate exam joke

a gay man goes in to get a prostate exam.
he is told to bend over when the doctor starts to examine his prostate.
the man says to the doctor:
"please t**... ring, it's hurting me"
the doctor says:
"That's not my ring. that's my rolex!"

Two Men are walking in the woods...

When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.
The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.
'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my b**...'
'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.
The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.
' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

the bad joke

A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"
The doctor says "Look NO HANDS" showing his hands to the patient

A little girl walks into a pet shop

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

Rodeo s**...

When you're making love to your girl d**... and bend over and whisper in her ear, this is how your sister likes it too , and try and hold on for 8 seconds.

Let's have phone s**... over walkie talkies.

"bend over."
"bend what? over."

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an e**..., warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.

A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.

God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.
A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.
The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"

A guy visits his favorite d**...

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.

s**... over Walkie Talkie

Person 1: Bend over
Person 2: Bend what? Over

String vs bartender

A string walks into a bar bartender yells at him we don't serve your kind here So the string walks out of the bar, bends over, mess up his hair, and walks back into the bar bartender asked him aren't you that string I threw out earlier string looks at him and says No I'm a frayed knot

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.
Whose ten? We have a problem...

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.
Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

People dream of mind bending shower s**...

and I just dream of the hot water lasting longer than him

My history teacher told us that if a nuclear bomb was closely approaching, being flexible would be very helpful.

It's so that you can bend your body and kiss your a**... goodbye.

Blind man walks into the grocery store with his seeing eye dog...

The man walks to the middle of the store, bends down, picks his dog up by the tail and begins swinging the dog around in a circle over his head.
The manager of the store approaches him and hesitantly asks, Sir, may I help you? . To which the blind man responds, No thanks. We're just looking around.

Sexting over walkie talkies

h**... yeah baby bend over.
Bend what? Over.

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left b**... cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.
As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.

The carpet

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.
"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"
"Madam," he answers, "If you f**... just touching it, you're gonna s**... when you hear the price."

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you'll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.
*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor.

Full disclosure, I got this joke from Tom Jones on Marc Maron's w**... podcast today. Tom's 80, mentally spry like he's 30, and he swears like a sailor.
----
90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Says Doctor, it used to be that I'd get these erections so hard that I couldn't even bend them with two hands! 16, 17, 18 years old, all through my twenties... 30, I could bend a little bit, 40s a little bit more. 50s and 60s I'm getting it to about a 90 degree angle, and now I'm 90 I can bend it in half!
I'm getting stronger, right?"

A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"

"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"
"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"
The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"
She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"
She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"
The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"
"What is it!?"
"Your finger's broken"

m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

Finally got my first tattoo. A P on my left a**... cheek and a P on the right

It really pops when I bend over

So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.

The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.

A man goes to pray to a statue of an angel at his church

"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then at least twice a day, if not more often, he goes to church, kneels for the statue and prays:
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then, after years of this, a miracle! The statue springs to life in an aura of light and heavenly music and then bends over, looks the man in the face and speaks:
"Please, please, PLEASE buy a lottery ticket!"

Two guys walking down the road see a pile of dog p**...

One says, "hey that looks like dog p**...". Then he bends over and touches it. He says, "feels like dog p**...". The other bends over and sniffs it. Says, "smells like dog p**...". Then he sticks his finger in it and tastes it. He says "tastes like dog p**...". The other one says, "Well, good thing we didn't step in it!!"
Note: little boys crack right up all the way through with this joke. Something about p**... is enormously funny to boys.

p**... goes to the door to get his mail...

As he looks down, he sees a big brown envelope, with "DO NOT BEND!" written on it.
He's still standing there, wondering how he's going to pick it up off the floor.

What do you see when a duck bends over?

It's b**... quack.

A circus is holding auditions and a 91 year old man shows up. "What do you do?" asks the ringmaster.

"I bend over backwards," says the man, "and pick up a handkerchief off the floor with my teeth."
"Wow," says the ringmaster, impressed that this elderly man is agile enough to do this. "Then what do you do?" he asks.
"Then I bend over again," says the man, "and pick up my teeth."

Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.

Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!